henersmilo
21-10-05, 06:24
Hello. This is the first time I've written on any board. I'm a little scared. That sounds so pathetic. I have very difficult social anxiety. I've had life-altering social anxiety for 9 years (I'm 28). I've actually told my close friends about my problem over the last few years, but lately I feel like they don't understand how serious it is. In my new job I have to go to conference meetings where we all sit around at an oval table in the dead, dead silence of a corporate room and talk about our various activities. Although
I'm able to maintain composer during the one to two hour meetings, I'm in a panic the entire time. One second I'm listening to the other workers speak, the next second I dread I'm about to blush and start to feel like the meeting is a dream- like I'm not sure if I'm really there and I don't know what's happening. It's TERRIBLE! By the time I get home, I've spent my day going through the phasesof panicking and then trying to calm myself down through breathing exercises, etc, and when I get home, althoug I have tons of work to do, I'm soooo exhausted I just sit on the couch. Then I try to tell my friends how tired and upset I am and all they can see is that I've "pulled it off." This makes me want to kill myself!!!!! Anyone else? I can't take it anymore. I'm in PAIN.
I'm able to maintain composer during the one to two hour meetings, I'm in a panic the entire time. One second I'm listening to the other workers speak, the next second I dread I'm about to blush and start to feel like the meeting is a dream- like I'm not sure if I'm really there and I don't know what's happening. It's TERRIBLE! By the time I get home, I've spent my day going through the phasesof panicking and then trying to calm myself down through breathing exercises, etc, and when I get home, althoug I have tons of work to do, I'm soooo exhausted I just sit on the couch. Then I try to tell my friends how tired and upset I am and all they can see is that I've "pulled it off." This makes me want to kill myself!!!!! Anyone else? I can't take it anymore. I'm in PAIN.