Why do I always want to run away?

[3faces]

I've just accepted a temping job for next week and as soon as I said yes I've already noticed changes in myself. My throat feels small and my breathing is shallow. I'm getting clumsy and I've started doing everything at top speed for some reason. I know there are people on this site with really deep issues and mine might seem a bit silly but I am so tired of feeling as soon as I commit to something, I feel like I am being strangled, physically & mentally. I just want to run away and hide. I'm thinking about next week and getting tearful, its crazy! You'd think I was going to a new country to live and work. I've already thought about ringing the agency this morning to make some excuse but I am determined to try and go in next week. I sometimes think I will spend the whole of my life trying to push myself to do things and run away when something new or different happens. What annoys me the most is I feel good giving little bits of advice to others on this forum but I'm unable to take my own advice to help myself.:(

Jem xxx

[clickaway]

You are right in planning to go in and start the new job. I think its quite common to have various symptoms in advance of something like this - it is just the anticipation, and once you're there, things will settle down.

I get the same before going away for example. I can suffer when packing to go away, even if for one night.

Be Strong,

Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[mum2four]

I really do understand where your coming from about everything you said. I run away from thing's some time i run away from them in my head and other time's for real. I get so out of control and resrtictive when I decide to do somthing that I stress every one out including my self. I'm at the point right now where I run away before I start to get serious about think about what i want I do. I think I deliberatly sabatage the bugget that I work hard to set up when I think to much about what I'm aiming to save for. Right now we dont have a car big enough to for the whole family to be in all at once. I make the link in my head that my plan is to get a bigger family car and then i feel like i really need to get a job to increase the family income to feel comfortable a fording a new car with insurance and petrol and getting a bigger family car all so make me feel like it's point less just letting my partner just drive it so i sould get my licence so i can drive it and do more with the kids and make it more worth while getting the car in first place. My think can go on like this for ever and i get to the point that i just say to my self stop being stupid just have fun with the money you have and if i'm meant have a bigger car it should be easy and then I find something els to use my spare money on.

I also find excuse to not go to my volenteer job some time's cause I'm not prepared to deal with a person that i had a tiny disagreement with or smaller still i just felt like thay disaproved of something i did or said.

Runing away has to stop if we are ever to get over the anxiety fully. Try not focus on the running away as much what you dont run away from. If you do run away from the same thing over and over and never make any progress then think about chalenging your self to get threw the erg to run away. You've accepted the job so ask your self what are you running away from your over a huge part of getting a job now that you have it to get threw the erg to get past it you need to figure out what it that you feel that you need to run from and then make a plan to expose you self that type of thing slowly if you really feal that it's to intence to just push your self to get threw it all at once.

I tend to remind my self that negative comment come and go and if the person is a friend thay will not hold it agaist me and if thay do hold it against me thay are not worth losing control over my life for. I find even thoe I still have a fue day's off my time of convincing my self to get threw it is getting less and and less and I'm not just shutting that person out fully and avoiding them.

I hope I made sence

[Meg]

**I'm thinking about next week and getting tearful, its crazy!**

Anticipatory anxiety can be crippling as it is only limited by the power of our imagination as to how awful things could become..

When you're actually doing teh feared , you are protected by reality which is mostly not nearly as bad as we had portrayed it to be in our mind before hand.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[3faces]

It's Monday and I was supposed to start my temping job this morning. Didn't make it in and feeling lousy:(
Spent the weekend as usual working myself up into a panic and not thinking logically. One good thing, I have finally made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning. I'm going to try and get on a waiting list for CBT (probably take a couple of years to see anyone) and I'm going to ask for some valium or something. Can't keep doing this, I feel like I'm on a roundabout and I can't get off. Hate myself at the moment, I've been standing still for years and I'm sick of it

Jem xxx

[nomorepanic]

Jem

Sometimes we have to take the bull by the horns and JFDI as we like to say on here.

You probably wound yourself up so much over the weekend and then made it impossible to go today.

What stopped you going? Ask yourself and be honest. You can go and be as panicky at work as you are at home but I can reassure you that it won't go on forever and ever. I used to go and sit in the loo at work till I calmed down then went back to my desk and carried on. I may be back in the loo again 2 hours later but in time it gets easier trust me. You learn to understand that you didn't drop dead last time and you won't this time.

It also gave me a sense of purpose cos when I sat at home I thought too much and when I was at work I had loads to do.

Tell the doctor how you feel and he may give you some Diazepam for emergencies. I used to take 1/2 at work when I really felt I couldn't take it anymore and then I would settle down. I only ever needed to do this once every couple of weeks but just knowing it was there helped me.

If you don't want to stand still then I am afraid you have to push yourself and do things that will make you feel uncomfortable but they will in time ease off I can reassure you.

Wishing you luck with the next job and the doctor's.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[Meg]

*Spent the weekend as usual working myself up into a panic and not thinking logically.*

Glad you're now going to do something about it. Meanwhile you could get yourself doing soem self help and maybe 'No panic's ' telephone recovery service .


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[3faces]

Thanks for the replies...

Went to my doctors this morning....she wouldn't give me valium because she say's I have been having these symptoms for so long that they are such a short term answer and not what I need. She has given me details of a Stress Management Course (group therapy, which I'm going to hate:() starting on 10 Nov and I am willing to try anything. She wouldn't put me forward for CBT one to one until I have done this course?? I guess the waiting list is so long that some people can probably manage with the short course that I will be going on. If the therapy does not do the trick, she suggested medication but for me that is a last resort. I know I have to do a lot of this for myself but the longer it goes on, the harder it gets. I would have liked to have been given some valium because I felt that if I was offered a temping job again it would have helped those first couple of days....but I guess the doctor knows best...

Jem xxx