help feeling very bad with anxiety and fearing being alone

[hollygirl]

I just wanted to know if there are others on here who struggle with being alone?

I had a massive set back about 9 weeks ago now and my anxiety went through the roof again as did my panic attacks. The worst thing though was that I developed a fear of being alone. When my husband went to work I would shake and have major panic attacks. Anyway I decided to slowly increase my time alone (my mum only lives around the corner). At first I would ring her at half eight when hubby left and talk for ages and then see her about eleven and manage my days this way. Always crying and panicking.

But as the weeks went by I began to spend more time alone and now I am at the stage where I can wake up - say goodbye to hubby and not even turn my mobile on and be okay - anxious but okay - until about lunchtime. But heres the issue. My mum keeps organising lots of days out and when I have the whole day on my own with my mum out of the city facing me I freak out again.

She has just told me again that on Wednesday she is going off for the day - I want to scream at her. So now although it is days away I am awake with severe anxiety and crying. I am dreading wednesday and do not know how I will cope with the whole day with no one around from 8.30 to 6. I am so tired - I am not sleeping and I am crying a lot. I think this time around my anxiety has also led to depression.

I am trying to overcome this fear using gradual exposure but every week my mum does something like this so I feel I am not getting a chance to bring my arousal levels of fear down and let my body relax.

Sorry for the rant I am feeling so down and like she doesnt understand. I wonder if anyone else has this fear and how they deal with it. Does it stop them from sleeping at night too?

Cheers,
Holly.

[mothermac]

Hi Holly,first let me say that I suffer in a similiar way to you regarding my husband only I am frightened that something will happen to him once he leaves the house.I phone him about 5 minutes after he has left(he has hands free)and continue until I know he is at his destination.I know I shouldn't be doing this and it drives him mad,he is an account brokerage manager and has meetings with clients all over the place so it pretty much is awful to be like this through the working week.I work also at Tesco(part time)and one of the reasons I do this is so I am occupied some of the time and not fretting constantly,I can't ring him when I am there and I still feel sick and anxious but I have to do this to try and conquer this irrational fear.

I really feel for you at present and my mother also lives around the corner from me, but I tend to want to be on my own when my anxiety gets bad as sometimes she makes it worse, as she is elderly and sees the gloomy side of life a lot of the time,I don't need negative people around me when the fear strikes as this makes it 10 times worse,she is a widow and we lost my father years ago and she has been on her own ever since and this has contributed to her negative feelings understandably.

To try and cope with the fact that she is going away for the day and your hubby will also be out,can't you ask a friend to come round for at least the morning and have breakfast together which would be nice, and this will take your mind off it until at least lunchtime,or plan a shopping trip for a few hours.If your mum could have her mobile on for a time you could ring her at say 10am and then 1pm which would break the day up a little.I haven't thought of anything brilliant to help you but the key is to occupy yourself with something so the hours alone won't stretch ahead and feed your anxiety.The way I get through my days and it is very hard,, is to think that the people we love and need will help us through our own private hell but they need their lives as well,and they are going to go out whether we stamp our feet and scream or not so we might as well get on and live, as what is the alternative?good luck on Wednesday. x

[hollygirl]

Hi Mothermac,

Thanks for the advice. I have had friends around before and it does help a bit actually. I might see if some want to come around for lunch but the problem is most of them work. I am sorry you get so worried about your husband - that is awful. I was like that for a little while with mine after my dad died but thankfully it has passed now.

I feel so angry with myself for being so weak! Three years ago I was a really strong person working full time and now I am a wreck. In a way I know what i need to do is to face the day and cope with it and then I will feel better but I am so scared now I am worried that by the time that day gets here I will be a complete mess. I mean it is hard to control your anxiety when you cannot sleep and you feel sick so cannot eat.

I have agoraphobia so going out is really hard and I always felt safe in the house - now that I feel trapped in the house too it is doing my head in totally. One of my plans is to start to go the local library - with my mum at first and then on my own to build up my confidence in being there. Then I will have somewhere local I can get out to!

This fear of being in my own home is new - only had it the last 8 weeks or so but the fear I have is it will never go away. When I used to have panic attacks at work and a fear of being in work - I kept facing it - for two years in total but the fear and the panic never went and I ended up making myself really ill. I have a fear that this being afraid of being alone in my home will be like that - no matter how much I expose myself to it it wont get better. And then I will totally crack up! I know that is really not the way to think.

Cheers,
Holly.

[JohnLuke300]

Hi Holly,

I personally don't fear being alone, but when I was doing group anxiety management one of the women there suffered from it, I believe it's called mono-phobia. She used to wait in the car with her mother before each session. And because I was usually the first to arrive she would follow me in and quickly start a conversation with me and seemed reluctant to leave my side. At first I thought this was unusual because everyone else in the group would do the exact opposite. But then she told my about her phobia and it made perfect sense.

I know that might not offer much help, but at least you know you're not alone with the condition.

All the best

John

[fishman65]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Holly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} You are definitely not weak sweetheart,you're ill.Take good care and remember there are many others feeling just like you (he tells himself) :shrug:

Hugs, Fishy

[hollygirl]

Thanks for your replies everyone - they do really help. My mum and my sister are not too understanding which suprises me because they have both had mental health problems for years. When I got ill I thought they would at least understand really well but they dont seem to.

I am feeling a bit better today. I actually went out last night for a meal and managed to enjoy myself. I just want to get over this fear of being alone - I mean it is bad enough having agoraphobia but at least I used to feel safe in my own home. I have just found another thread all about this topic so it seems it is fairly common.

I have two dogs too so feel even more stupid for it. I just get frustrated because I seem to fear everything right now - i have a fear of life -lol!

[sue.b]

hi holly

know what you are going through, i am struggling with being alone myself at the moment.

I suppose out of the last 12 weeks i have been on my own maybe 4 times for about 30 mins to 1 hour and one night for about 3 hours, went straight to bed when my husband went out.

It is something i need to start doing, being alone at home, but i really am not looking forward to it at all. Makes me feel anxious just thinking about it.

I work with my husband so we travel in together and home together, a godsend in one way but probably not helpful in another.

Anyway i am rambling on :blush: so i wish you well and i am sure we will get there soon.

Take care

Sue xxxxx :hugs: