mum2four
22-10-05, 05:01
I have a cold right now which in not helping me feel feel any better. I have headache a grumpy kids and dont feel like it posible to take them anywhere as I would have walk and thay would have hissy. I'm feeling like the wall are closing in on me and need to get out but i also feel like If i ran in to wrong type of person i would have the energy to react the right way to them. I can sleep cause i have my baby who having an very fun time getting all dirty lol so to go out i first have to tackle with him. My head is thumping but if I turn my music off I'm sure my head will explode with thinking. my neck is sore from doing my scrapbooking and leaning over too much my eye's are sore cause I'm been concentrating too hard. I feel like i'm falling apart inside and out. I had so many pain releif tab's in the last week that i feel like I'm become like i'm using them too much even thoue i know I can have take them but I afraid of getting addicted (not likly) or thay stop working and i'll have to stonger one's if i take them too much (npt likly) but i cant help the way I feel about taking them. Every time i get like this i feel like I need to rub out and started again. i hate that i seem to be scared a little bit about everything and all add's to be one HUGE fear that over welme me to point of wanting to scream so loud and so long that every one in the world will stand up and take notice. But to scream would even be doing somthing i'm scared to do (go figure yet again ). I dont know i just feel like i'm writing this for attenstion but i know not cause i;d be writing this in my head even if i wasn't writing for real and to mwrite it in my head would mean it would stick and then it wouldn't go away so i'm writing it hear just get rid of the thinking.
I think I'm just crazy to be sitting here typing about how crazy my head is right now about trying to decide what is the best thing to do as a mother and a person that wont effect my abilty to do what i need and want to do. Why dose live go be be so hard and why dose everything got be so hard for me. cant I just be normal cant I feel normal cant I have no medical issue's cant i not have exma and not have not have hayfeaver not have food allergie not have axniety not have issues's cant i just go back a restart my self and just be normal or go to sleep only to wake up and find i can have fun as girl with make up and perfume's and work in the garden with out getting dematitis and bake all day long and do the house work with out getting sore hand from dermatitis and exma and cant I just read a book or do my hobbie like cross stitch ect without getting a sore neck or a headache cant i just do CANT I JUST why me WHY me I want to cry and I want scream and just want to be NORMAL i want to have fun and want to be relaxed and want to not having to decide not to go out in the garden cause my hand might get bad and then I cant do the house work I can't use my hand for day's cause thay are to sore to even touch. I so want to cry but i also want to get up and just get on with life and have fun but how can I do that when so many thing that keep jumping up saying "HELLO YOUR NOT NORMAL" Arrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggg
Is being normal such a big ask. Even half normal some thing give me a brack PLEASE.
I think I'm just crazy to be sitting here typing about how crazy my head is right now about trying to decide what is the best thing to do as a mother and a person that wont effect my abilty to do what i need and want to do. Why dose live go be be so hard and why dose everything got be so hard for me. cant I just be normal cant I feel normal cant I have no medical issue's cant i not have exma and not have not have hayfeaver not have food allergie not have axniety not have issues's cant i just go back a restart my self and just be normal or go to sleep only to wake up and find i can have fun as girl with make up and perfume's and work in the garden with out getting dematitis and bake all day long and do the house work with out getting sore hand from dermatitis and exma and cant I just read a book or do my hobbie like cross stitch ect without getting a sore neck or a headache cant i just do CANT I JUST why me WHY me I want to cry and I want scream and just want to be NORMAL i want to have fun and want to be relaxed and want to not having to decide not to go out in the garden cause my hand might get bad and then I cant do the house work I can't use my hand for day's cause thay are to sore to even touch. I so want to cry but i also want to get up and just get on with life and have fun but how can I do that when so many thing that keep jumping up saying "HELLO YOUR NOT NORMAL" Arrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggg
Is being normal such a big ask. Even half normal some thing give me a brack PLEASE.