Feeling like I've had enough about to cry.

[mum2four]

I have a cold right now which in not helping me feel feel any better. I have headache a grumpy kids and dont feel like it posible to take them anywhere as I would have walk and thay would have hissy. I'm feeling like the wall are closing in on me and need to get out but i also feel like If i ran in to wrong type of person i would have the energy to react the right way to them. I can sleep cause i have my baby who having an very fun time getting all dirty lol so to go out i first have to tackle with him. My head is thumping but if I turn my music off I'm sure my head will explode with thinking. my neck is sore from doing my scrapbooking and leaning over too much my eye's are sore cause I'm been concentrating too hard. I feel like i'm falling apart inside and out. I had so many pain releif tab's in the last week that i feel like I'm become like i'm using them too much even thoue i know I can have take them but I afraid of getting addicted (not likly) or thay stop working and i'll have to stonger one's if i take them too much (npt likly) but i cant help the way I feel about taking them. Every time i get like this i feel like I need to rub out and started again. i hate that i seem to be scared a little bit about everything and all add's to be one HUGE fear that over welme me to point of wanting to scream so loud and so long that every one in the world will stand up and take notice. But to scream would even be doing somthing i'm scared to do (go figure yet again ). I dont know i just feel like i'm writing this for attenstion but i know not cause i;d be writing this in my head even if i wasn't writing for real and to mwrite it in my head would mean it would stick and then it wouldn't go away so i'm writing it hear just get rid of the thinking.

I think I'm just crazy to be sitting here typing about how crazy my head is right now about trying to decide what is the best thing to do as a mother and a person that wont effect my abilty to do what i need and want to do. Why dose live go be be so hard and why dose everything got be so hard for me. cant I just be normal cant I feel normal cant I have no medical issue's cant i not have exma and not have not have hayfeaver not have food allergie not have axniety not have issues's cant i just go back a restart my self and just be normal or go to sleep only to wake up and find i can have fun as girl with make up and perfume's and work in the garden with out getting dematitis and bake all day long and do the house work with out getting sore hand from dermatitis and exma and cant I just read a book or do my hobbie like cross stitch ect without getting a sore neck or a headache cant i just do CANT I JUST why me WHY me I want to cry and I want scream and just want to be NORMAL i want to have fun and want to be relaxed and want to not having to decide not to go out in the garden cause my hand might get bad and then I cant do the house work I can't use my hand for day's cause thay are to sore to even touch. I so want to cry but i also want to get up and just get on with life and have fun but how can I do that when so many thing that keep jumping up saying "HELLO YOUR NOT NORMAL" Arrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggg

Is being normal such a big ask. Even half normal some thing give me a brack PLEASE.

[Sax]

Hey Mum,

You seem to be struggling today which is hard for you. I'm sorry you are so low, its feels like a viscious circle doesn't it and it feels like you can't see ahead!
However Mum, well done for posting your thoughts, you know that eases things becasue you have offloaded. Come into chat later if it helps too just to talk to like minded ppl or sit quietly with company.

As for crying well i'm always told this is good for you to release those emotions anyway. Try maybe not to be thinking I wish i was this that and the other, rather accept today you are struggling and at a low point. Tomorrow will therefore feel brighter.

Do you meditate? I honestly know when the children are around how hard this can be however just a bath with bubbles, a smelly candle, some lavender incense helps me to relax and shut away from the kids for 20mins or so - whilst there I am trying to learn meditation, its quite a draining feeling being that intense for those minutes but I feel a huge pressure off once I've done it. Maybe something you could consider?

Try to relax today if you don't feel like doing anything then don't - let the children out into the garden and go and sit with them and chill - you don't have to put so much pressure on yourself if you aren't in the frame of mind.

Sorry for the long reply, i do appreciate how you feel though.

Thinking of you and maybe catch you in chat later:D

Take care

Sax xxxx[8D]

[Meg]

Mum,

Well done for coming to offload.

Its a cold and will pass but in the meantime makes you feel so terrible along with the other issues you have.

I hope you do manage to get a bit of quiet and are able to have a good cry if you feel the need. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[desperate]

Hi Mum,

Definitely cry if you need to, you may actually feel better afterwards!

First Anxiety...then panic attacks...now GAD and depression...now working on a better future!

[carlin]

Hi Mum,
Sorry you feel so bad right now, having a cold drags us down, let alone the anxiety etc. Then there are the kids......I don't know how old they are, but whilst you are feeling like this, take the pressure off yourself a little, let them watch tv./videos, listen to cd's. Do drawing/colouring that sort of thing, you do not have to entertain them throughout their whole day, especially if you feel unwell. As for the baby, maybe rest when he/she rests, anything to get some relax time, i know it's not easy with children running around all day, but as long as they are safe, warm and fed, it will not harm them to do inside things for a few days. Then we the cold has shifted, things may be a little easier (hopefully). You are by no means 'crazy' by coming hear and writing your thoughts, i think that's an excellent way of letting go. take it easy (or as easy as the kids will allow) take the pressure of yourself for a few hours at least and keep in touch xxxxxxxxx

[mum2four]

Thank you all for write t me it feels to know that I have support here cause in the real world I fighting a up hill battle to stay positive in a crowd or negatively influencing people. Is seem's like every person i meet and even family and friend has a negatve impact on me I know that it's not them and it really the way i think. I try so hard to stay positive and keep the negative thought's at bay and figure out with thought's are holding me back and whilch one are doing me good and I just get to point like yesterday where i feel like it all too much and how am i ever going to do anything if everything seem to be demaniding me to do it NOW. I have so many thing's i like to do at home but i feel like I cant do them most of the time because i may get a reaction of somesort(skin problem, pain's ect) or that one of my kids will come in an demand that something has to be done now and I'll have drop everything to go see them and then i feel like my house is a mess cause i have so many little projects going in all corner's of the house and then i feel like I'm a bad mum because i cant keep the house clean but I know that the mess is only FUN mess(toy's and craft ect) and then i get so over welmed that I'll never be able to enjoy my activity and relax the way i should be relax so I stuff it a give up and walk away and get all bent out shape about how i never get to just have fun when really I know my kids a independant and give me plenty of time to have fun but i just still feel the silent presure to be every where at once so i do NOTHING. Then I feel bad because I wasted my day and I could have done more washing or I forgot to something for the kids that i promisded them all because my thinking wont let go away and let me be.

Yesterday's thinking attack happen but it did stick with me and did manage to do my craft and enjoy it when i did so i have to say over all my day was good and very sucsessful despite my tempoary insantity lol just joking.

Thank all.

[desperate]

Hi Mum,

woah!! no-one is perfect!

as long as it's a happy house then who cares?!

no-one will judge you on the amount of housework you do and if they do then they're at fault.

Sounds like you are incredibly busy, do you have anytime just for yourself to chill?

First Anxiety...then panic attacks...now GAD and depression...now working on a better future!