Really struggling to cope atm.

[Luci-loo]

Just now everything seems to be going wrong and I apologise if I babble I'm just so wound up and upset and everything seems to be getting to me. The last 2 or 3 weeks have been pretty hellish and it's partly because I start home visits with my CBT therapist as I struggle to get out- haven't had a session in over a year and worried I won't like the new person. When appointments are made far far in advance I obess and worry about it as I never know how I'll be by time it arrives. On top of that been having issues with my meds- the duloxetine has given me really bad migraines and I've haven't been sleeping due to itching. I've also seem to have devolped a really nasty temper that is quite honestly scaring the hell out me. I can't bear loud noises and everything is stressing me out.

I'm shouting and losing my rag then crying because I feel bad about being grumpy and I worry that my boyfriend will leave me because I'm being such a b****- he is in constant pain and the last thing he needs is getting whined, moaned and yelled at. I've also been shouting at the cats- esp one of the kittens- for just being cats. Everytime they race and crash about it freaks me out as they are too loud and keep playing on some shelves and it makes me feel phyiscally sick as I worry they are going to fall off which leads to me yelling at them and the look I get breaks my heart. One of my cats seems to be taking it badly as he came from a really bad home before he came to us and I also worry he is scared of me now. I was about to crack and let them go outside but I found a dead cat in our street 3 weeks ago and changed my mind. My boyfriend and my cats are about the only things that keep me happy and I'm pushing them away with my temper when I need them the most. I'm in constant fear of hurting someone- either physically or by saying something I can't take back. I won't even visit my family because I'm too scared I'll hurt one of my sisters kids if they make too much noise or do something I think is dangerous which would lead me to shout and tell them to stop it.

I'm supposed to be seeing my doctor today but the car broke and don't know how I could get there as there is no way I could take a bus or taxi (I only like getting the in car with people I know driving) and I know if I cancel I'll have to wait at least until Thursday as the car isn't getting seen until Wednesday so I won't be able to get out til then. I don't even know if I can wait as I feel so down and worried sick someone will get hurt- but the same worried that I might get commited under the mental health act if the doctor thinks I'm a danger to people and the sspca take my cats away and put them down (I don't trust the sspca as they put down cats they can't home and one of my boys is an ex-feral and wouldn't home easily).

Sorry for rambling but it's been a long night and I'm at my wits end.

[Hell's]

The one thing you need to remember in all this is that it will not last forever, what you are going through is common for most of us who look on this site. Anxiety makes us on edge, as it leads us to question ourselves, and out sanity. You are being aggressive because you are very stressed out, ann no doubt very tired. The key thing is to try and relax where possible. If loud noises ect affect you, use candle light and play soft music in the backgroud. Also there are some fab relaxation breathing techniques which you can try. I know this may not help, but try and be strong you can get through this, and when you do you will be a much stronger person for it. GOOD LUCK with it all.

Hell's

[gtrgrl3369]

Sorry to hear about your bad night. Did you have your temper before these meds or did it start after them? Sometimes meds can cause you to do this, believe it or not xanax does that to me. I get so mean so fast. Next time you feel your temper rising, go into your room and lay down, turn off the lights and just lay there and breathe until you feel the anger going away. Overthinking your future appointment is normal for people with anxiety, its what got us here in the first place. Try and keep your appointment as best as you can and let them know what is going on, you dont have to tell them that you are scared you are going to hurt someone just that you feel your temper getting hotter. Take care and try to relax even if its just a little.

[Luci-loo]

Thanks guys, my temper is a new thing. When I was younger about 16-19 I had a bit of a temper but worked hard on controlling it as I hated saying things I didn't mean and learned that keeping a steady controlled voice is much more effective when probelm solving than losing it. It just scares me as I feel I have no control even though I apologise straight away. I think I'll just start sitting in the bathroom to try calm down and hope that works. I'll talk it over with my therapist tomorrow and see what she recommends. I'm being seen at home so it's harder to phone in saying I can't make it (the exact reason I'm being seen at home).

I rearranged my doctors appointment as I was just far too stressed and had to take one of the cats to the vet as he had blood in his poo and I paniced pretty badly and insisted the vet look him over.

Hoping to get a good sleep and feel better, I may break my no nap rule as I feel awful.

[KK77]

I suffer from migraines and sometimes the slightest sound sends me mental - it physically hurts my head - and lose it with people very easily. That duloxetine doesn't sound as if it's agreed with you at all ... are you still taking it? I was recommended lavender and geranium oil and shocked at how well it's worked for my headaches ...

[reallyfedup]

Luci
If your temper is new then I think the meds are wrong for you. I tried different meds for anxiety earlier this year and they did the same.....citalopram, fluanxol, amitriptyline, escitalopram and buspirone. The last 2 made me suicidal as well!! Don't underestimate how these meds affect you. I was horrendous and did not know what to do with myself.Speak to your dr. I am now on venlafaxine and diazepam and have little to no temper whatsoever. I wasn't sleeping either so I take zopiclone at night. It's amazing how lack of sleep affects us too. lots of hugs for you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[bellabessnjet]

Luci,
Hope your feeling better today, as the old saying goes 'you hurt the ones you love the most' be it human or animal. I know where your coming with your cats I have a dog and she seems to be always in the way, then I'll shout out her, she'll skulk off, I get all upset and hey round and round we go again. I too snap at my son and hubby, my sons only 6 and got a form of autism, so Mummy shouting is a relly big upset, but sometimes I can't help it. My solution sometimes I go outside or upstairs and sream. It releases a lot of pent up emotion, then normally burst into tears!

[Luci-loo]

Feel a little better today but really drowsy and still sleepy. Had my visit with my therapist today which went well except for when my Basil decided to not only lick her feet (she was wearing open toe shoes) but have a little root around in her bag which she had left open.

Completly stopped my duloxetine now- I dropped down to 30mg last week and stopped completly now. It's totally against my doctors advice (or rather I didn't get any advice) but she is on holiday for the rest of the week and I don't like the other doctors (I'm sure they are nice but one googled when I had a migriane and it put me off).

I decided last night to spend more time playing with the kittens to tire them out instead of yelling at them when they played too roughly, their favourite games involves hanging from shelves and smacking each other and they are always falling off and crashing about which I normally laugh at but it driving me crazy just now.

Thanks for all your replies, its so good that people get how easy it is to get stressed out sometimes.