mum2four
24-10-05, 21:28
As a kid I had a food intolerance test because of my extream behaviour. After finding out I have an intollerance to LOTS of things i was put on to a special restrictive diet. Thay add one food back in to my diet at a time to see if I had reaction to it. I HATED thay my mum was focusing on my dieat to change me when i new all i need was to be hugged when I was angry despite telling her I hated her and telling her to get away from me. I use to get so angry inside scream out silently inside my head HUG me while scream for real GET AWAY. In still do this today but no where near as often or as bad.
It just hit me that what if all along it wasa anxiety causeing me to act out and not the food intolerance at all. I still struggle to find food that donsn't change my mood. Despite my effort I get angry Like alway's that eating shouldn't have to be this hard. When ever I was hyper I felt better but when I wasn't I felt like I was dying inside I still get this way today to some degree. If I feel like life is suffercating me will all my defect's.
I had a heart murmer as a very young child after finding out that my son might have one i did reserch as ussal and I came across information that said heart murmer's can cause hyper-activity in children. If that is why i start the behaviour then as i mum I know how hard it is to brack a bad habbit it children and my mum was a single mum so it was proberly a little harder for her. I know my mum did the best with what she knew at the time but what if focusing on the visable symptom's meant thay she was never going to find what was realy going on with me. As an adult I can see that talking is the only real way to deal my issues. But I only really started Talking about was really going on side my head 3 years ago. Since then I'f made so much progress on my own but I have 24 year's of issues to deal with that i refused to deal with at the time thay happened.
i have alway fouced on my food to change me cause I that how mum dealt with it but knowing now what i know about anxiety and making so much progress I have to wonder if my focus should never on the food but what was in my head the whole time. What If I just use the excuse of the allergy to cover up the real problem's I alway said that to my mum as kid i use to have screaming match's with about how it was not the food but all her fault I never gave her deatail's i was about 9 when i started to tell her to stop blameing everything on my allergie's. It was her whole focus he obsession she never let me forget it and still dosn't if I'm upset with her she blame's the allergy's. Nothing is ever my fault as a person. Like i cant be really angry for what eva reason. She alway told me how I was feeling and what i was thinking despite me screaming at her to listen to what i was saying to her. She would say " I know you better than you know your self" I been slowly trying to get my head around the fact that i am a person and i do have the right to my emotion and my emotion are correct. i was so confuse about what happiness really was or what jelously really is ect i use to ask people how dose it feel to be jelous cause I didn't trust my own meaning of the word.
I'm going to stop thinking I have to I'm going to listen to my music and sing to it to refocus my thought's.
It just hit me that what if all along it wasa anxiety causeing me to act out and not the food intolerance at all. I still struggle to find food that donsn't change my mood. Despite my effort I get angry Like alway's that eating shouldn't have to be this hard. When ever I was hyper I felt better but when I wasn't I felt like I was dying inside I still get this way today to some degree. If I feel like life is suffercating me will all my defect's.
I had a heart murmer as a very young child after finding out that my son might have one i did reserch as ussal and I came across information that said heart murmer's can cause hyper-activity in children. If that is why i start the behaviour then as i mum I know how hard it is to brack a bad habbit it children and my mum was a single mum so it was proberly a little harder for her. I know my mum did the best with what she knew at the time but what if focusing on the visable symptom's meant thay she was never going to find what was realy going on with me. As an adult I can see that talking is the only real way to deal my issues. But I only really started Talking about was really going on side my head 3 years ago. Since then I'f made so much progress on my own but I have 24 year's of issues to deal with that i refused to deal with at the time thay happened.
i have alway fouced on my food to change me cause I that how mum dealt with it but knowing now what i know about anxiety and making so much progress I have to wonder if my focus should never on the food but what was in my head the whole time. What If I just use the excuse of the allergy to cover up the real problem's I alway said that to my mum as kid i use to have screaming match's with about how it was not the food but all her fault I never gave her deatail's i was about 9 when i started to tell her to stop blameing everything on my allergie's. It was her whole focus he obsession she never let me forget it and still dosn't if I'm upset with her she blame's the allergy's. Nothing is ever my fault as a person. Like i cant be really angry for what eva reason. She alway told me how I was feeling and what i was thinking despite me screaming at her to listen to what i was saying to her. She would say " I know you better than you know your self" I been slowly trying to get my head around the fact that i am a person and i do have the right to my emotion and my emotion are correct. i was so confuse about what happiness really was or what jelously really is ect i use to ask people how dose it feel to be jelous cause I didn't trust my own meaning of the word.
I'm going to stop thinking I have to I'm going to listen to my music and sing to it to refocus my thought's.