Caught in spiral of anxiety,despair and drinking......please respond?

[widge]

Hi all,

I 've only posted a few times but have found this site and its members a godsend over the last few weeks. Thankyou all.

My 30 yrs of living with panic/anxiety sometimes tips over into outright depression and despair and these periods have been getting worse despite intervention from GPs etc.

At the moment I am nearly at the end of my ability to cope and this time it has been made so much worse by drinking........heavily and alone....and scaring my wife and myself to pieces.
Not violant or angry you understand-but completely irrational and deeply sad...even suicidal at times!

This is where I am at the moment........after an awful awful evening.....feeling ashamed and guilty about things I may have said and feeling so powerless to quit-even though I know the effect.

The doc is aware of my prb and I have a counsellor who really understands....but I just don't seem to make any headway and am really getting very frightened by it all.

Joiningg AA group has been suggested....but for somebody as anxious and deppressed as I have become, even the thought of it is so very hard...anybody any experience of all this?

I would so greatfully appreciate any help or thoughts.

Despairingly yrs,

widge

[pinktart2009]

so sorry to hear that you now have got so low with the anx, but drink just numbs it temporarily, ive done exactly what you are doing, i couldnt function without a drink daily, but to the excess, i got out of the rut i was in by doing something positive and contructive, i would talk to people at the shops, just say hello, or nice weather today etc, and got invited to go places , i always took a friend as panic and anx used to take over, but i think if you have something to look forward to it may help, picking my children up in the car stopped me drinking as i knew that i couldnt drink n drive, i dont drink anymore now, have you asked yourself why you are depressed, and anx, but alcohol masks many feelings, but creates many problems..

[Under~The~Stars]

Hi widge,

I hear what you're saying, and I'm so sorry you're struggling.

I know exactly how you feel. It's just too easy to escape using alcohol, isn't it? I've been doing the same thing myself recently.

Can you write down exactly how you're feeling and give it to your Doctor or counsellor? Sometimes it's easier to write things down. Just how you've written to us here...

Don't suffer in silence.

Take care of yourself.

[widge]

Thanks for responding so quickly and kindly Louise/pinktart (?)

My counsellor has suggested that I try to 'replace' my drinking habit -or bits of it- with some thing positive as you have done....just hard to be 'positive' at the mo¬!

I have written down some of my fears and anxieties in an email to TheSamaritans a few weeks ago...and it DID help to write them down ....can't do it all the time though!

Thanks again

[valleybear]

Depression sometimes makes me not want to get up in the morning,so I have tried to lie there and plan out what I will do with the day. Little chores, phone call to someone, walk to the shops, spend half an hour on here. It doesn't always work but sometimes relieves the intense feeling of hopelessness and helps me get through that particular day. Different things work for different people and I wish you well.

[fishman65]

Hi Widge,my advice is to stop the drinking or at least try to cut down on it.Alcohol has a tendency to encourage depression and anxiety and will be likely to interfere with any medication you might be on.I used to drink like a fish once and it ended up making me feel worse.Nowadays I try to keep my drinking lighter and only if I'm feeling well as regards anxiety/depression.Can I ask,did you have anxiety/depression BEFORE drinking and you're using the alcohol to self-medicate....or has the anxiety/depression come about as a result of the drinking?

My main message though would be to replace the booze with prescription medication if that's what your Dr recommends.

Take good care, Fishy

[widge]

Hi fishman...thankyou for yr thoughts.

Stopping is exactly what I need to do! But I am so habituated now that it is so hard to do. Cutting down would be brilliant - I could be the ebulliant social but rarely excessive socialiser I used to be! But I suspect that cutting down will be even harder?

I am sadly only too aware of the damage that alcohol is wreaking...mentally and physically.......and you are right...it did START out as a very misguided 'self-medication' which has slowly but surely gone spiralling out of control.

I have a long history of anxiety disorder with occiasional bouts of pure depression which have been addressed by GP, meds and counselling...but never before the added complication and misery caused by alcohol.

I have NEVER before felt quite so ill and desperate.

widge

[panicmansach]

Dear Widge,

firstly I compleltley understand exactly what your going through as I am an alcoholic as well. You need to get to a meeting as hard as it sounds beleive me it was absolute hell the first day I went and for a couple weeks after it gets better. AA is truly an amazing experience and so many loving people to help you through it.

Everything u describe I have also felt extreme depression and what brought me into AA was a 4 day binge drinking 24/7 passing out waking up for 20 mins drinking more passing out it was utter insanity to escape the anxiety and depressed state I was in. I wanted help so desperatley but didn't know how but thanks to a friend who took me to a meeting I have been
sober now for 5 months. It wasn't easy friend but it does get better and alcohol will continue to make things worse please go to a meeting I wish I was in the same city as u I would take u it will help and show u a light at the end of the tunnel.

You can also email me just send me a
pm if u would like .... aa is a wonderful program of recovery

[widge]

Thanks panicman,

My doubts are thaat they seem SO dogmatic in thier approach?
You have a disease
You can never be cured
Put your trust in God
You must just STOP or go back to square one.....it all seems overwhelming?

Perhaps it isn't actually like that though?

Thankyou very much for yr thoughts,

all best

w

[Crush]

Thanks for responding so quickly and kindly Louise/pinktart (?)

My counsellor has suggested that I try to 'replace' my drinking habit -or bits of it- with some thing positive as you have done....just hard to be 'positive' at the mo¬!

I have written down some of my fears and anxieties in an email to TheSamaritans a few weeks ago...and it DID help to write them down ....can't do it all the time though!

Thanks again

I'm not sure if you're taking any medication, but often that will cure the drinking problem by itself. Do you drink specified amounts and certain times of the day?

There's lots of options in this area.

Keep in mind there's a difference between mood disorders and anxiety/panic. Alchohol can be used to treat both. Often anxiety will come along with depression and vice versa but one will be much more prevalent than the other. It sounds like you might have a mood disorder which there are lots of options to treat this and you will notice the drinking just stop when that grin is on your face. You'll take up a new hobby and find fun again in music and simple things. dumb youtube videos will become funny and you'll find yourself laughing at some dog doing something funny although you would have never done so before.

You'll try to get sad and angry, but the medication won't let you. You'r anger or sadness lasts all but of 3 seconds and it dissapears.

Your 'distubring thoughts' of death and bad things that just pop in your head will also go away. You'll only think about funny/positive/motivating things.

Then you'll return to the person you used to be many years ago before drinking. If you smoke you'll find yourself not craving as many ciggarettes and possibly quitting.

I highly recommend taking medication if you are already medicating yourself with alchohol.

[panicmansach]

Dear Widge,

You honestly sound exactly what I was going through just about 5 months ago mate. I was drinking a pint of vodka on a daily basis for a couple years to cope with my anxiety, fear and depression. I too thought AA was a room full of drunks with that same dogmatic approach ... I had to give it a couple meetings till I realized why it works and helps so much.

We think to much and that is our problem ... I had the same thoughts you had when it comes to AA.

Any expert will tell you there is no cure for alcoholism and it is a disease just like Anxiety / depression are illness'. People can say 'ahhh its all in ur head' same with alcoholism there is a neurological / biological component for sure. There is no question you crossed the invisable line of alcohol and using it was a coping mechnaism when in reality it is making it worse.

I did the EXACT same thing and felt so hopeless and desperate as you are feeling ...

Firstly nobody in AA can force anythign down your throat ie. u have a disease, you can't be cured, etc ... There approach is completely different and they don't preach GOD but the spiritual side of you. It is widely considered the most successful self help program in history so its gotta have something right ? ...

I am far from religous I still have difficulities with this but this program somehow managed to make me stay away from alcohol for 5 months now. I feel much better ... when I went in I was looking for a quick fix so I could continue drinking and not feel this way ... the quick fix was putting down the bottle and dealing with the anxiety / depression that I was supressing. It was brutal the first week or so but I pulled through with a little xanax and a healthy diet ... within a week the withdrawls went away and I started feeling better.

I met people who had been far worse than me and saw them many years sober happier than ever and willing to help me in anyway possible.

I assure you if you can manage to keep an open mind and get yourself to a couple meetings this thinking will change and you will find yourself slowly but surely on the road to recovery mate.

I am still dealing with anxiety / depression but it does get better and I know the alcohol has alot to do with it.

Anythign I can do to help let me know if you neeed more info on AA PM me would be happy to help. Please give it a try u have nothing to loose but potentially alot to gain. You might end up meeting someone (u will see how wonderful people are there) that knows exactly what your going through and be there for u for support through it.

-Sachin




Thanks panicman,

My doubts are thaat they seem SO dogmatic in thier approach?
You have a disease
You can never be cured
Put your trust in God
You must just STOP or go back to square one.....it all seems overwhelming?

Perhaps it isn't actually like that though?

Thankyou very much for yr thoughts,

all best

w

[Crush]

Any expert will tell you there is no cure for alcoholism and it is a disease just like Anxiety / depression are illness'. -Sachin

I disagree with that. I had half a 750 ml bottle of vodka (or equivalent) for the last 4 years. The more I hated my boss at work, the more heavy the drinking. This would be mostly after work.

When I got my first chest pains I got scared and didn't know what it was so stopped smoking. Bad move. Then I stopped drinking becuase I thought I was having heart problems. Another bad move.

Only after this, did I get the full blown anxiety.

2 emergency room visits later, I found out that drinking/smoking is used as a crutch or medication to help you through anxiety.

The only time I could feel better when I had anxiety is to drink. Then I could finally settle down a bit.

I believe 70% of 'alchoholics' suffer from anxiety. I use the quotes becuase I feel that many people simply drink in order to medicate themselves and are not alchoholics.. You can actually use alchohol intake as a medication of anxiety and other mential health disorders.

I knew my drinking was more than others and I was in denial for a long time. But after the medication, I just don't really care to drink or smoke. I dont crave ciggerettes.. even after a big meal or with morning coffee. Now I only drink on weekends and it's just a meere 3 bottles of beer or some nice draft Rickards Red. No more full bottles of wine or 4 bottles of beer. I used to starve myself all day just so I could come home and have a beer buzz. I would time out my day to co-inside with my drinking. Come home at 4pm then drink. Come home at 5:30pm on workdays and drink.

I really, really recommend people try medication before going to AA or labeling themselves as alchoholics.