View Full Version : It's happening all over again
Hello,
I have just been reading over a few of your posts and should just say that some of your replies to other people's posts have already helped me!!
I will explain my situation as briefly as I can. When I was at university back in 2000 I began to get panic attacks, they escalated at a very high speed and I had to leave uni. It took doctors a while to find out what was wrong with me and I was in a very bad way, unable to leave my mums side etc, anyway I was prescribed Seroxat which after about a month started to work and I got my life back again. I was able to socialise, get a new job and become the confident fun loving person I was before all these panic episodes started. I was on my medication for about a year and a half and I had no problems coming off it at all. Things were great for about three years until just after Christmas when I began to get some of my symptoms back. Light headed feelings, pins and needles, rapid heart beat and generally uncomfortable feelings.
These symptoms didn't take long to escalate and I am now right back where I was back in 2000. I am petrified to do anything on my own and have had to take two days off work to be at home with my mum. I have recently moved house, moved out of my family home and in with four of my close friends so this may well have been the trigger but it is so frustrating to get over something like this and for it to creep up on you and bite you on your backside when you are least expecting it. I have been put on medication, escitalopram, to be precise and have been taking these for 7 days today. They have calmed me down slightly but will probably take at least 2 weeks before they make a real difference. I am also having fortnightly CBT sessions, which I think will help me in the long term.
I think that what I really hate is feeling so alone, looking out of a car window or my office window and thinking that everything and everybody looks so intimidating. It was only a month ago when I was out shopping on my own or arranging to meet friends for drinks and now I am arranging for friends to meet me after work because I can not bear to do any journey by myself. I am lucky I have a very supportive network of friends, family and a wonderful boyfriend but I would just like some advice from you guys as you know what I am going through.
I was wondering if anybody else gets the severe feeling of not really being here, like you are almost looking down at your body and seeing somebody else. I am walking around in a complete dream world and seem to be very aware of my arms, legs etc. It is a really uncomfortalbe sensation and I would be grateful if anyone else could tell me if they have experienced this.
Thanks for listening.
Love
Charlotte xxx
Hi Charlotte
Welcome to the site:)
Glad you have already got some help from reading some other peoples posts:)
I think I read on another post about looking down on yourself so I dont think your alone there at all...
Try the search button up in the top right and see if you can find it..
Keep at it!
Take it easy
Matt
Hiya Charlotte,
Welcome to our family here :). Glad to have you aboard. I can tell you from personal experience that the feeling of being outside of yourself is quite "NORMAL" for those of us who suffer this disorder. I know it is a very uncomfortable feeling, but it to shall pass. No worries there. You are not alone here, we are all here for each other, and you will find tons of support, ideas, suggestions,and advice etc. here. Just always remember "YOU ARE NOT ALONE" I`m sure while reading some of the posts here you will see your own story here not once but several times. I`m sorry they have crept up on you again, but that`s the mystery of this disorder we never know when it`s gonna come back to bite us on our bum. Keep ya chin up, keep posting to let us know how you are getting on.
Take care,
Diana xxxx
Hiya Charlotte,
I too suffer from the "unreal" feelings, I always describe it as the world going on around you but not quite being part of it.
I always feel it worse when I am talking to people for a long time. I find their faces kind of blur and I end up feeling very panicky.
I always think that people and places are intimidating and, unfortunately avoid both if at all posssible!
So, as I say, it is a very common symptom of anxiety, shared by a lot of sufferers, so try not to worry about it.
Kate x
Hi Charlotte -
depersonalisation or derealisation . Comonly thought to be what happens when the brain decides that its full enough and goes on a slow down protective mode. It passes as quick as it came on when the pressure eases and you relax.
CBT is great and watch your sugar and caffioene intake as well as ensuring you're exercising and actively relaxing.
It will pass but keep in touch and post again if you have questions or concerns.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Thank you so so much for all your kind words and advice, I feel calmer already, knowing that there are people who have had identical symptoms is so re-assuring.
Just to say Kate I know exactly what you mean about the long conversations with people, that is when I have severe feelings of unreality. A word of advice from my CBT therapist is if this feeling starts to come over you, move your head around and blink a couple of times, sometimes focusing on something with your eyes and brain too long makes it look or seem strange, by adjusting the focus slightly it looks normal again! I will definitely be taking all your comments and advice on board.
Thanks again
Charlotte xxx
Hiya Charlotte,
Glad to hear you are feeling a bit calmer.
You're right, there is nothing quite like talking to people who know EXACTLY what you are feeling, having been there themselves.
Thanks for your advise on the conversation problem. I will definately be trying it next time the funny feelings start!
Keep smiling!
Kate x
Hiya Charlotte,
Good to hear you are feeling a bit more at ease. Just keep posting to let us know how you are getting on. Just remember you are not alone, you have friends and fellow sufferers here. keep those posts coming.
Take care,
Diana xxx
Hi guys,
Well was doing ok till about ten minutes ago, then realised that I have got to get on the tube for 7 stops by myself, somebody is meeting me at the other end but I haven't done this journey by myself for a few days and feel really apprehensive about it! I have big issues about travelling by myself, if I am with someone I know then I am fine. My main worry is that I will suddenly forget where I am or end up lost. Bearing in mind it is a very easy journey that I have done about fifteen times now, it still freaks me out!
Words of wisdom would be good : (
Love
Charlotte xxx
Hiya Charlotte
Ok Im gonna give it a go with the words of wisdom...lol
Dont avoid it or you will end up in a circle of avoidance and end up a sad muppet like me.
Take a small bottle of water with you, maybe a magazine and even if you can concentrate on it, give it a go and it will at least be something to hide behind?
love Sarah
xx
p.s if by any remote chance you do get lost....not likely as you say you have done it before, theres always someone to ask!!!!
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for the advice!! I doubt very much you are a sad muppet! I know all about avoidance behaviour trust me. I keep making the most ridiculous excuses about not doing things that make me feel panicky!! The travelling on my own is the one that really gets me. I am going to take your advice and get myself the latest copy of Heat, take a bottle of Evian and take deep breaths the whole way!
Words of advice if you are practicing avoidance behaviour, make a list of twenty things that would probably cause pa's or at least symptoms of anxiety. 1 being the least worrying, 20 being the most. For me travelling on my own on the tube is about 6, but I do have somebody meeting me at the other end, if I didn't that would be about a 12. If each week you can do one thing of your list then you have really acheived something! Lark at me giving advice when I am yet to reach number 3 on my list but hey a problem shared is a problem halved and these things are definitely easier to tackle together.
Just out of interest what sort of things to you avoid
Charlotte xx
Hiya Charlotte,
You will be just fine, just keep those positive thoughts flowing. Do the animal for every letter of the alphabet to keep your mind off of the ride. You know A=Ardvark, B=Buffalo and so on. That can actually have you in stitches, by which of course would have your mind off of the event itself. I have myself at times laughing out loud about the names of animals I come up with for the letters of the alphabet. Quite entertaining LOL..... :) Keep posting to let us know how you get on. Good luck, though I don`t think you are gonna need it.
Take care dear,
Diana xxx
Thanks Diana,
I am leaving here in about half an hour, just been to the supermarket by myself, it is only five minutes from work but still an achievement! Even managed to actually pick the things I wanted rather than grab the things that are nearest to the till!
Anyway I will let you know how the tube journey goes!
Thanks again for your support
Have a nice evening xxx
Good for you Charlotte. Keep up the good work. You are doing great!!!!! I will wait for you post about the tube.
Take care,
Diana xxxxxx
Hiya Charlotte
Thanks for the advice on avoidance, I hope my advice works for you..lol
You ask what I avoid so I will probably say...errmmm...just about anything I can. I dont work as I panic when I leave the house but I DO still go out as much as I can to keep practicing - even if its to the local shop for a paper or just for a drive to town and back - even if I dont get out of the car at least ive been out eh?
Having said all that - im pushing the practice as far as I can today, Ive just opened my post and ive got an interview next thursday and another one possibly in the next couple of days depending on when they call back. Needless to say I feel as sick as a dog (Ive been off work for a year and havent had an interview for 12 years...lol).
Anyway, keep us posted on how you got on with the train.
love Sarah
xx
Sar,
As you know, I am a Sad Muppet as well!
Avoidence is the worst thing you can do, but as we all know,most of us do it regularly!
That aside, I am very good at giving advice to others who avoid! So Sar, good luck with the job interviews, do lots of relaxing before you go and keep that rescue remedy handy at all times!
Charlotte, I'm sure you managed the journey just fine and look forward to hearing your report on it!
Kate x
Hi guys,
Well I managed the journey, and I am here to tell the tale! I won't lie it was pretty uncomfortable but not as bad as I thought and I managed to keep calmish the whole way! I did start to feel a bit weird towards the end of the journey so I did the alphabet animal thing, which took my mind of the panic! Thanks for that tip Diana!
I will be doing the journey again this evening and definitely feel more confident about it. I can tick it off my list of achievements now which will be a nice feeling! Thanks for all the encouragement guys.
Sarah I think the fact that you make yourself leave the house is brilliant, at least you are pushing yourself! It is also great news that you have an interview, I don't know how good you are at visualisation but would be great if you could close your eyes and picture the day of your interview, picture what you will be wearing, picture walking into the room feeling confident and positive and then picture yourself receiving the call saying you got the job! These are all techniques that I learnt from something called Mindstore, I am not sure if anyone has heard of it. It is a personal development course that I would recomend to anyone who suffers with negative thought patterns, low self esteem, panic etc. It is quite expensive to join but once you are a member it is only £30 for each seminar. I am going next weekend. It teaches you how to use your mind to delete negative thoughts etc. I was very cynical when I first heard about it but having been twice I know for a fact that it works!
Sarah I will send out loads of positive thoughts about your job interview. See it as a huge challenge rather than a massive problem.
Charlotte xx
Hiya Charlotte,
Great News!!!!! You did wonderfully. One more achievement completed successfully, good for you. Keep up the great work, keep posting to let us know how you are getting along. Keep those positive thoughts flowing. I am glad the animal/alphabet thing worked. That is something I also picked up on here. Amazing how these techniques come in handy on a bad or what could potentially be a bad day if not for the techniques we remember when those funny feelings come a knockin.
Take care dear,
Diana xxxx
Just wanted to give you an update on my weekend, which I am chuffed to say was panic attack free!! I did of course have many weird and wonderful symptoms but I think that is just par for the course! I am managing to do more and more things by myself, however there are of course tons of things at the moment that I think would be too much for me, having said that I do realise that we all should push ourselves and perhaps I am still practising the old avoidance behaviour!!
The thing that bothers me the most and I am sure you all know what I mean is that somehow the words, What If, always seem to crop into my mind and I do struggle to tell myself that this time is no different to the other times. As I have only just started CBT I haven't really got to grips with the techniques used and how to rationalise my though process. I think once I can do this then I will be so much more confident to do things on my own, but at the moment things like travelling to unknown destinations by myself just seem too scary because in my head I am still telling myself 'What if this time I really do get lost and forget where I am supposed to be going etc etc'.
But I realise it is a slow process and that I just have to be patient!
Just keeping you updated, thanks again for the advice.
Charlotte xxxx
That's truly great news Charlotte.
Well done, keep it up.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hiya Charlotte,
Good for you, you are doing great!!!!! Keep up the good work, and mind your own advice, be PATIENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take care dear,
Dianaxxxxx
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