Worried about history repeating itself

[littlewaternymph]

Hi,

A few years ago in my a-level year i spun into a downwards spiral of anxiety. It began by becoming obsessed with losing my mum, where i would check on her periodically throughout the night to check she was till breathing such was my terror of her not being there in the morning even though she is healthy and not that old. This then moved on to starting to panic about me, i was undergoing injections for a trip to china one of which had an extremely high allergy rate ( and i did indeed have a minor reaction to this) and so this was what i focused on.

However, as time went on it got worse and worse and i was feeling constantly terrified, even though i could still think rationally that there was nothing wrong i couldn't get the feeling of the extreme panic out of my chest. Eventually it got so i didn't sleep more than 2 hours in a night and i had to start taking beta blockers to get the panic under control.

After taking the medication and slowly weaning myself off my anxiety returned to a more normal level more a 5 than a 10. Over the past couple of years I've been attending university and every time I move from home to uni my anxiety flares up again lasting from a week of intense panic to longer bouts. Over the Christmas holidays of 08/09 it seemed like i;d hit a break through as i didn't panic at all.

This sadly has come to an end and I'm having a very bad patch again starting where my awful cycle of two years ago began and worrying about my mum. I'm also making it worse by worrying that it's going to happen again and I'll be plunged back into the terrible situation where i can't sleep and can barely function.

If anyone has some insight that would be great
Thanks :)
xxx

[Luci-loo]

So sorry to hear you had a set back. Has anything happened with your mum lately that has got you worrying about her? Or does going uni make you worry about her more because you are away from home and can't check on her. Perhaps you feel guilty because you were so close and don't see her/ talk to her as much. I can of course only guess and throw out ideas that maybe hit the mark and apologise if I'm wildly wrong.

First thing to do is try to stop worrying about it being as bad as before- naturally this is much harder to do than it sound. Think of all the things that helped before. I'd also have a chat with your G.P. Don't ask to go back on beta-blockers or any meds just yet if you don't think you need them just ask if you can be put forward for conselling, the issues you have from before have probaly been lying dormant for the last couple of years and maybe something like CBT will help banish your worrying thoughts for good.

[littlewaternymph]

I suppose I do feel a little guilty as I've always been extremely close to my mum (my parents divorced when i was 3) and so when I go away I feel as if I've left her all alone as although she remarried my stepfather works away from home 4 days a week. I also feel that because I'm so close to her that if I was to lose her it would be unbearable and I'm not sure I'd cope as I don't have a close tie with my stepfather or indeed my real father.

I may give counseling another go as I tried it once and had little success and so was sadly discouraged.

Thanks for your advice, it is so much of a comfort knowing that so many other people have similar problems

:)xxx