Its happening again !

[Sal x]

Hi everyone,

I haven't had a full blown panic attack for about 6 months so I thought I was getting over this nigthmare but last night I was laid in bed watching some real life documentary about a man that the was mentally disturbed as he thought he was a vampire. (sounds strange, i know)

He beleived in his faith so much that one day his best friend was round at his house and he made a comment about to insult his beliefs. This sent him into a rage and he stabbed his best friend to death. I then started thinking, what if I'm that mad, what if I turn into something like that, what if I lose control, what if I hurt someone.......etc.

I know this sounds like i'm some sort of pysco but these irrational thoughts and what ifs take over my life.

Does anyone else ever get scared of losing control ? I would never hurt anyone but I am scared that my anxiety may turn into a worse mental illness..............please help

Sal x

[doddy]

Sal,

people who wrry about hurting others just simple dont do it
. I use to worry id kill someone, kill myself, kill my dog...and if i read anything to do with mental illness or killings...yep i would worry about it.

sal, its just worry, you will not hurt anyone of this im sure.

its just worry sal, when i use to get the thoughts like this, and they really really scared me that i felt so sick.......i use to sit down and really imagine doing it......and to be honest i ended up laughing about it....now that sounds even madder.....but really imagining it seems to make it sooooooooo stupid sounding you cant help but laugh....people who kill and are mentally ill dont worry like us, they just do things, people who kill enjoy it.....we are at the other end of the spectrum, the thoughts repulse us and we then worry about why we had the thoughts.....i know what its like, but accpet the thoughts as just odd thoughts, lots of people would of watched that program and thought the same as you im sure, but they ahve just let it go, so must you...not easy but id bet my life youll never ever ever hurt anyone in the whole of your life.

take care

andy

[Sal x]

Thank you so much Andy...........

I am sat here at working filling up with tears as I really thought no one would reply to me as they might think i was some weirdo.

You comments really help, even just to realise I'm not alone. Do you or anyone else know anything about CBT as I am thinking about trying it?

Thanks again
Sal x

[mazz]

sal dont worry you are not alone at all . i make myself sick sometimes because of thoughts like thoses . i do watch the news anymore or films or dramas that contain violence. i thought i was going mad too but really they are just thoughts . please pm me if you wanna chat more . take care love mazz x

[Meg]

*but these irrational thoughts and what ifs take over my life.*

Because you let them take over at present .. Its called the power of sugesstion and a phase most of us go through.. You are not alone

Avoidance or sensible? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5513)
media (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5609)
illogical fear driving me mad! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6027)

Look on the home pages for information on CBT



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[hunny]

Hi Sal

You are sooo not on your own with this one.
I think lots of us has felt like this.I was convinced not so long ago that my anxiety was developing into schizophrenia and i would go insane.I went as far as to think about how it would affect my family etc if i were to go mad.
Being scared of losing control is very common,i was terrified on holiday because we used to sunbathe on a roof garden,i had convinced myself that "something would make me" jump off it even though i didnt want to!!I used to hold onto things and stay well away from the edge!
I,as you can tell, did not jump,these were as Meg so often said to me "Thoughts not instructions"!
Hope you feel better today
Hugs
Hunny xx

[rick]

HI Sal x (Sal 10?)

Many of us have had these irrational thoughts - actually, I think everybody has them. Who hasn't had someone cut them off in traffic and think, "That dirty *!&$#^$, If I catch up with him, I'm gonna..."

And of course, that's the end of it. A minute later, we've forgotten about it, and have moved on... (Let's see... did I just pass a sign that said, BIG SALE!!!")...

With us though, when we get stressed out, for some reason, those quick and normal nasty thoughts that everyone has becomes magnified to us- probably because when we (me, at any rate) are feeling anxious and panicky, everything is SO magnified. (How many of us have felt that we were breathing our last because of a little somach gas?!?!)

I know there are certain things that make me have uncomfortable thoughts even now, and its not fun. But - as we have all discovered - whatever crazy thoughts we may have, WE NEVER ACT ON THEM!!

Read that about five more times....

Once, when I was having my bad PAs, I was working on a huge piece of equipment, about 40 feet off the ground. I kept having this horrible fear, compulsion, whatever, that I was going to jump over the rail to the concrete floor below. I was terrified - until I decided I couldn't take it any more. So, with tears in my eyes (and this is the big old hairy ex coal miner talking), I forced my self to the handrail at the edge, made myself look down, and said, out loud - (luckily there was no one up there with me!!!), "Ok, Rick, if you're gonna do it, then do it! Come on, just throw one leg over the rail, you nut case! (I wasn't very kind to myself...) "Come on, if you're that crazy, just do it!"

And you know what? After about five minutes of this, I began to laugh. Honestly. And I never feared jumping off the top of anything again. The PA's were to go on for several more weeks, but it was a small battle won!

Don;t know if any of this made any sense, but if nothing else, know that you're not alone, and, trust me, none of us are going to read about you in the paper about where you went off....

I believe in you.

Good luck,

Rick

It is better to be a free bird than a captive king...

[doddy]

sal,

cbt is good for this, really helped me. i once got a piece of clinical research that shpows that about 70 to 90 percentage of the population get these thoughts but they just let them go, so never try to stop the thoughts as they are just natural and we all get them, everybody does, just dont worry about them. i use to say god what if those thoughts came back.and panic, coz of course they did, but now i just say ok if they come back so what...we all get them, my sister in law had thoughts of harming her baby, shed never do them but they were just thoughs and she never panicked about them just laughed them off, so u see we all get them just most wont admit them.

loves the peply from the guy about jumping off the lift........that is just how to beat it...when an odd one comes along i just say ok...lets do it then...and normally i end up just lughing my head off at it and then its gone..and to be honest i never really get them anymore. in fact thats wrong, im sure i do get them but i dont notice them if u know what i mean.

and ur not a weirdo, u are a normal person who at this moment in time is worrying a little to much, nothing more nothing less, and if your a werido then 90 percentage of the population are also....lol...so worry about the 10 percent as they are the odd ones out!!! lol.

take care, yay to odd thoughts!!!!!!! bring them on!!!!!!!!!!

andy

[Sal x]

Thanks everyone for your advice, its does help.

But the only thing is, I find myself needing constant reasurrance all the time that I am not going to turn into a scizofrenic (not sure of the spelling, sorry) and kill my husband. I am absolutley terrified of the thought of this which is making me have more and more of these horrible thoughts. I get myself in such a state that I convince myself that if I have these thoughts, then they must me a reason and they are going to happen.
I am so down about this..........

Sorry to be a pain, but more advice would be appreciated.

Thanks
Sal x[V]

[jill]

Hi Sal,

Sorry to hear that you are having these terrible thoughts.
They are only thoughts and thoughts CAN be changed.

You are fueling your fear with the what ifs. I know it hard Sal
but try putting some different thoughts into your mind.
Nothing to do with anxiety but thoughts about happy times.
The what if's will always jump in but keep pushing the happy
thoughts.
When I was acute I had alot of horrible thoughts, some I am
ashamed to mention [:I][:O] one of them was I would becaome
mentaly ill. This is sooooo not true, I am not mentaly ill and
never will be.

Keep pushing happy thoughts in Sal, I have always said that " its easy to fight with others but the hardest thing is to fight with yourself" its a hard fight but worth fighting becasue you will win in the end.
KEEP PUSHING AND KEEP FIGHTING

Hope this helps

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX


Every thought you think changes your biochemistry.
Your hormones are effected by your thoughts.
Pay attention to stuff that bring you joy.
Look for things that bring you a smile :D

[Sue K with 5]

Hi Sal

The one thing I have learnt in over 20 years of panic and anxiety is that, we are not mad, we are not going to lose control, because thats all part of our fear and we will never ever hurt someone, only ourselves!

Those kind of cases are rare and extreme so please try not to worry so much ! god if if was going to happen I am sure I would be locked up by now


Take care

Sue with 5

scknight

[christian]

Hello Sal

part of healing or getting better in these circumstances is letting the mind reaarange itself a bit. after all what you thought was foolproof (your so-called sanity) has shown itself to be just a bit fragile maybe, but this doesnt mean you're going to go insane.

Recovery is slow and eventually time will pass and you will realize that you are not schizophrenic. I do know how awful and helpless it feels to be in that mental space.
I can assure that these fears have no significance other than that you attach to them. I went through a phase like that for a few months even going so far
as to think I might be hearing voices. In the end I realized it was anxiety. Now I'm back to my old hypochondria.

If you not taking one already you might think of taking an antidepressent.
What it does (and you have to find the right one) is to help get some distance from the well-worn ruts of your habitual thoughts so that you can say Ah yes I remember now what it was like not to have those kind of thoughts and so on.
Talk therapy is quite helpful too if you can get it.

[taf]

Hello! No dear one, you are just fine!!!!!!!! I have worked with schizophrenic kiddies and adults, as well as adolescents who suffer from a variety of brain damage, mental illness issues, mental handicaps. THEY DO NOT COGNITIVELY UNDERSTAND THEIR THOUGHTS enough to reproduce them to others as you just have. They are not only not at all aware these thoughts are "scary", but they in turn often can't articulate them to you at ALL, and if they can, they talk to you in terms that these are normal and ok thoughts...part of their reality that you can't understand. They will look right at you and not understand why you can't hear that voice, see that "vision", and have no fear of it at all!!!! They don't panic at all about it or think it is daft or odd in any way...to one of my little schizophrenic students, I am daft for not seeing the same vision or understanding it like she......
No, sweetheart, these are ANXIETY symptoms, really!!!!!!! That you can attach "scary" "bad" or any values such as these to them show that your brain IS in quite good order...you are not mad. The fact you can pick one clear thought out and attach value to it shows this...my kiddies can't tell you which thought they are having at some given times, let alone attach talk about how it makes them feel. Easy for me to say now...was in ER just early on this week with a whopper of a panic...but I know those thoughts seeeeeeeeeeeeem real to you right now, but they are part of anxiety. (Thanks again, Christian, Meg, Rick, Mirry...and all!! You helped me SOOOOO much with that darned old attack with your kind uplifting hands out words...a life preserver thrown in the midst of my nasty panic attack!)
One of the site admins (darling people one and all!!!) sent me some info on CBT---I read up on a site from a therapist here in New York somewhere, and it was just so eye opening for me....Part of our issue as "anxiety-related" issues/syndromes LARGELY involves THOUGHT and the fact that we are quite hyperacutely aware of them. He stressed OVER AND OVER AGAIN that NO>>>anxiety disorder is NOT madness...it is that we view thoughts in different ways (again, my little kiddies and patients who are severely MI can't view thoughts at all), and are bothered by them as we have mapped out over time some "askew" or bothersome (NOT harmful) thinking patterns which can debilitate us, but CAN BE RE MAPPED cognitively.
Sweetie, I hope this helps. We've all felt on the sharp edge of madness sometimes. But remember...we have felt and can articulate it. A sign in and of itself that you can change what you can recognize as harmful/painful and can re-model what you can articulate.
It WILL GET BETTER!!!!! xxo, Taf

[Sal x]

Thanks Taf and to everyone else that has replied to me.

I know that when I say ' it helps to know your not alone ' that I am speaking for everyone on this website.

The thoughts have been getting a little less which I think is down to my doctor putting me back on Fluxotine anti depressants (stupid me stopped taking over summer as I felt fine) This has now taught me that taking one tablet a day isn't a big deal, especially when they are non addictvie.

Anyway........thank you all again

Sal x[:X]

[neonpink_smurf]

wow, that message that sal wrote originally sounds just like me, i'm anbsolutely terrified of being schizophrenic but my new one that im scared off is turning into an evil person.. and doing something really evil..

[Keitharcher]

I am no expert in anything but i dont think you are going pschioz as far as i know if your were you wouldnt know about it. And as for turning evil that doesnt happen either. We have a problem that needs to be overcome thats all

Keith

[TheDeadSin]

Is there anyone that is up to trying to talk to me about my problem ?

Dexter

[cmmk09]

hi sal,

we all feel we are losing control of whats going on around us or in our life so you are not alone..
CBT can help you to change how you think ("Cognitive") and what you do ("Behaviour)". These changes can help you to feel better. Unlike some of the other talking treatments, it focuses on the "here and now" problems and difficulties. Instead of focussing on the causes of your distress or symptoms in the past, it looks for ways to improve your state of mind now which is the most important thing.
CBT can help you to make sense of overwhelming problems by breaking them down into smaller parts.
bit by bit is the best policy sal..
there is alot of falseness in your mind and this is what i am relating to..these uneccessary thoughts were overtaking my life..CBT help me understand this so yes,have a go..the more the better to help you to a better life..

hope this helps..

bobby diraag

[Martin Ell]

Hi,

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. I think everyone - whether they suffer from panic attacks or not - is scared of losing control and/or their mind. The difference between you and that man in the documentary is that he believed he was a vampire. If you can safely say to yourself, right now, that you'll never stab anyone, then you never will - no matter how anxiety you get.

I know anxiety and panic attacks makes us do some weird things, but none of them will ever make you pick up and knife and hurt someone. Try not to worry about it.

Martin

[MathewAnxiety]

ereyone has crazy thoughts some times, especially when pissed off or worried. The best thing to do is try to not pay attention to it and recall situtations before that you didn't act on those thoughts too