Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

[gxyslcuq]

Hello everyone. My Psychiatrist has been talking to me about this for a while but I'm not sure if she has formally diagnosed me on paper.

Anyway I was attacked a few weeks before xmas last year and ever since I've had a tough time with dealing with life in general. I don't go out and if I do it's only when I absolutely must. This type of avoidance now takes over my life, sleep has become an issue and the only thing I feel is anger and rage that comes from no where.

Crippling anxiety is always around it's like I'm stuck waiting to fight or fly and that's the only way I can describe it.

I just feel very lost and don't feel myself anymore and haven't since my attack.

[Kayro]

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad, but at least you're amongst friends here.

It's really hard to get over something like that. I have been 'attacked' too, but by bullies over a period of time, but I think the outcome can be similar. I was full of rage, anger and resentment towards them and was having constant panic attacks for over 2 months, unable to do anything and work was totally out of the question.

I know it's a cliche and probably not what you want to hear, but I only started to move on when I decided to forgive the bullies. I would say it out loud to myself to try to make it real, and it was only after that that I began to improve. I also kept reminding myself that I forgave them for my sake, not theirs, and that helped me keep my resolve. It's still hard, especially as I'm now back at work, but at least I feel like I'm on the mend.

Hope you feel better soon, Kayro x

[gxyslcuq]

Thanks for taking the time to reply Kayro.

My anger isn't towards my attackers. I just tend to snap at anyone for anything and that really isn't me.

Everyone is constantly saying "It takes time" if anyone knows that its us who are suffering it.

Pretty soon it will be a year and this year has gone by so fast and I'm still not any better if anything I feel worse.

[gxyslcuq]

Morning all. Since my last post I've dipped even more and to the point of contemplating suicide.

I'm due to see my Psychiatrist tomorrow and I suppose that's a saving grace but I'm not sure I feel comfortable telling her I'm feeling suicidal. Really unsure of what she will say tomorrow or do.

[serendipity]

You must tell somebody what your thinking. Go and see your doctor today, if things are this bad you must talk to somebody.

I am sure your friends and family would also be supportive if they knew how you were suffering. Dont do it alone. :-)

[gxyslcuq]

My GP isn't in on a Monday and I only speak to him. My family are very supportive, well most of them.

I'm in an awful place just now and it doesn't seem to be getting better. 10 months after the event and if anything I'm going backwords.

[annette1]

Hi gxyslcuq

I'm sorry you're in such a bad place at the moment, I hope you're able to talk openly with your family. Are you having therapy or meds? they have both made such a difference for me.

A year ago I was in a similar place to you. I was physically assaulted by my ex-husband in Dec 2005 & felt too ashamed to tell anyone. for the next three years I just ran from what i was feeling tried to blocked it out thinking that was the way to deal with it. Then last summer my anxiety suddenly became out of control & I was signed off work.

Like you I felt out of control & totally lost, it was as though I didn't recognise myself anymore, avoidance became a big issue, I couldn't go out, didn't want people in my house & became isolated.

My Gp suggested that if I wanted therapy soon (it would have been a years waiting list for nhs) I should seek private therapy & so I found a PTSD specialist psychologist. It has been the best decision i've ever made. I've seen her weekly for 8 mths & really feel that I'm on the road to recovery. My anxiety is manageable with the techniques she has taught me, i don't dwell on the past so much & I'm able to go out panic attacks, i still have trust issues, hyper vigilance & hyper arousal but it is nowhere near what it was & i've recently returned to work.

Therapy has been really hard work, but going weekly has been a lifeline for me. There are times when i haven't agreed with my T but she has made me face up to what happened so that I have more understanding of it. This has enabled me to accept my assault as being in the past, something I can't change & that ptsd doesn't have to shape who I am & how I think. The next stage for me is to accept who I am now so that I can move forward & think about the future.

Having gone through trauma you do have to accept that you & your life won't be the same again, but hopefully you will emerge from this a stronger & more understanding person.

Every good wish for your recovery, it is worth all the hard work, take it a tiny step at a time & accept any help you can get.

Stay strong

Annette

[gxyslcuq]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Your post has really helped and I don't feel as alone and hearing that you're getting better helps.

:)

[serendipity]

Hi gxyslcuq
hope your ok. kept thinking of you today!!
:-)

[gxyslcuq]

Well only a few hours to go unitl I come clean and tell the doc how I'm really feeling and that I'm not sleeping anymore than 2 hours a night.

Will update later. Thanks for the support

[annette1]

Hi gxyslcuq

How did you get on today?

[gxyslcuq]

Hey everyone.

Today went well and I now officially have PTSD along with some sort of obsessive disorder she said.

I told her everything that has been going on and she was very concerned. She has now put me on Quetiapine 25mg twice daily(atypical antipsychotic) along with my Mirtazapine 45MG for my Anxiety. After our chat she had another Psychiatrist come in and they both thought a CPN would help with my "Dark thoughts" and also said there is always a duty person 24-7 that I can speak to if I wish. Also been put forward for CBT.

Tomorrow I'll start the new drug and hope that it will help my Anxiety.

Thanks again for the support and I will of course keep this thread updated.

[annette1]

Hi gxyslcuq

Well done for opening up to your psychiatrist, its not easy is it?
It sounds like they are working with you to help you through this difficult patch. Hopefully when the meds kick in you'll be able to engage well with the therapy & it will make a huge difference to you.

Recovery comes in very small steps at first but gradually you will begin to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Stay strong, we're all fighting this with you.
Annette

[gxyslcuq]

Hello everyone. It's now 1 year to the day since I was attacked. There was a reason I was dipping and I think this was it.

We all know that this takes a lot of time to sort out, but if I was told I'd still be feeling this way(maybe a tad worse) after so long... You get the idea.

12 months ago to this day the streets were so icy and very dark.

I'll see my new Psychiatrist again on the 9th and pray that this starts to get better. Hope this Christmas is better than the last.

[Lynnann]

Hi gxylscuq,

Anniversaries are always difficult, I can't say that you will forget this date but we do start to recover quicker, this Christmas will be better than last :)

Lynnann:flowers:

[maddie]

:hugs::hugs: I have PTSD following an attack too. Anniversaries are tough, but they are just memories. I'm sure you must have many more happy memories. Try not to let one event ruin your future. You can overcome it.