Anyone's emotions numbed by anxiety??

[eternally optimistic]

Hi

I dont know if this will sound ridiculous, but here goes..

I am really afraid that my children, both teens are going to remember me as an anxious, frightened person who is always to tense to show any ounce of excitement or emotion other than being too up tight.

I generally do love them to bits, and probably worry far too much about things and this is becoming to overshadow every day of mine and their life's.

I am soooo serious about everything and very rarely allow myself to be a anything other than. I dont think I am like this at work but I am really beginning to crumble from this pathetic life I lead.

My anxiety has gotten a bit "iffy" again recently and I am finding the thing I love to do, walking for the relief of anxiety (ironic isnt it) a real struggle. I find going into the local shop a problem, worrying that I might collapse any minute.

When I reflect about my personality, I truly think I am a complete nut case. In many ways, I am so desperate to overcome and stop beating myself up. I think many of problems is that I want to live in a hassle free environment - no conflict just harmony (it shouldnt be so hard to achieve)

I'm not sure if I am analysing and causing anxiety or it's the other way around?

The only think I wish for is to be healthy and happy and I dont feel either of those. I've got to that point where I feel like a real loser for whatever reason.


Does anyone else suffer from that knotted stomach thing and complete and utter body tension.

I almost feel like I am in close down and just want to recluse to a corner where I cant be found.

I have read this back and I know I am rambling but just cant make sense of, what seems, a complex personality fighting with itself.

[teez]

awwww thankyou hun,,cos now i know im not the only one,,i feel ive been robbed of even the most basic emotions over the last 25 years, and yes im a mum too,,so thats been hard , my daughters wedding for instance i had to keep myself in check because if i allowed myself to feel anything,,id have gone into a panic,but my lot have all grown up with it,,so they know mums just being mum ,,but it is good to hear im not alone,,:hugs:

[ladybird64]

Hiya.

We are our own worst critics, especially as regards to our children. Funnily enough, I answered a slightly similar post to yours the other day where the mum was going through awful feelings of guilt.
The thing to remember is we bring our kids up as best as we can. Generally we are not horrible to them and do what we think is right, however us "anxies" worry about the world around them and their welfare as a result of that world. If you're anything like I was (still am to a degree) you worry terribly but don't want to transmit that worry..hence an anxious but apparently unemotional mum, afraid to show too much emotion in case you won't be able to control yourself.
It doesn't sound ridiculous but makes perfect sense, we want everything to be ok, with us and the world around us. I understand about the incessant thinking, when I'm in that state of mind I always manage to find something to worry about.
From talking to people here, I have now realised that a lot of my thinking is negative, always preparing myself in case something goes wrong.
I don't do therapy (except the forum!) but have started to challenge these thoughts and habits and I must admit I have been feeling a little better, in general things have been calmer as well.
We reflect too much hun, it's what we excell at. You are who you are as I am who I am. I don't analyse now because that just always leads to negativity on my part.
My kids are now in their late teens and twenties. They understand more than we give them credit for, mine understand my coldness, my impatience and my occasional outbursts of temper. I have never had to try and explain, as they have grown into adults they have heard about panic attacks, phobias etc and they have just accepted that I was having a struggle when they were younger. You may well develop a closer relationship with your children as they get older because they will realise that you're not perfect but you have done your very best for them.
The main thing is to start accepting who you are at the moment. You may not be able to go into the local shop today but in a fortnights time you may feel strong enough to challenge the anxiety and give it a go.
You may feel weepy or sad, today, tomorrow may bring anger or self-doubt but then again, it may be a good day.
Let it all come, but deal with it when it gets to you, try not to anticpate the worst.
And stop beating yourself up. :hugs:

[JohnLuke300]

Hi Jackie,

Emotions are not numbed by anxiety, rather it works the other way around. Repressed emotions can cause anxiety. I have social phobia and I believe my phobia was caused by repressed emotions. This leaves you feeling emotionally detached from the people you love (often described as emotional numbing). Do you have difficulty expressing your feelings towards your children or do you feel like you should be feeling more than you actually do?

Regarding if anxiety causes the analyzing or the other way around, both are correct. Anxiety causes us to over-analyze and over-analyzing causes anxiety. It's whats referred to as the negative thought cycle and causes our anxiety to increase. The solution is to use distraction to break the cycle. But its easier said than done.:D

[bellabessnjet]

Hi,
No your not alone, I feel that I have to put a face on, the Mum face, but at times I cant. My little one has Aspergers and so having me one min OK, next crying is an absolute nightmare for him, he cant understand. So then I feel guilty and the cycle continues. I found that if I feel really 'difficult' I go to another room, camomile tea, bachs remedy drops, just a couple of mins. Its hard but I try to hide the symptons, trouble is done too good a job, so hid it for at least 6 yrs even from myself. Im so glad there are others similar out there and thank you for writing this post. Hope you feel better soon.

[JohnLuke300]

Hi Jackie,

This thread interested me and since my post I had a look at your history and noticed something very interesting. If you feel emotionally detached as I described I recommend you PM me as I think I can offer some advice. If you don't feel emotionally detached then forget this post.

All the best

John

[Anxious_gal]

nope it's totally normal for us anyways haha.
When my anxiety is bad is so hard to be happy, excited as I'm too busy trying not panic!

[eternally optimistic]

Thank you ALL so much for the reassuring replies..

Mishel, your right, too busy trying not to panic, but I'll keep smiling as I jitter - LOL.

Bella, that's been my problem. I too have hidden emotions and protectived myself by shutting down and it has done more harm than good. Keep up with tea - LOL (a couple of minutes to yourself is bliss, the best

John Luke, Im trying with not analysing, it causes so many problems!!!

Ladybird, your right, your kids do accept you and its not a bad thing for them to realise that life isnt always perfect. They are accepting of my ways, I just wish I could push myself sometimes and be a bit braver.

Teez, I'll try too to keep things in check - LOL.

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, I'M FEELING ASSURRED THAT PEOPLE CAN RELATE.
TAKE CARE AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, WHATEVER IT MAY BE.

[Louisejane]

I am so pleased I found this post!

I was looking where best to post this but now I see here!

Since January, I began having chest pains. Every test in the book has come back clear. These chest pains lead to panic attacks.

Over the last few months I have noticed that I seem incapable of becoming excited or nervous. I no longer get those butterflies in the pit of my stomach or look forward to anything. The only time I feel like that is when I get my chest pains.

I am only 30 and feel like a real party pooper. I try so hard for my 8 year old daughter but I am such a different person now and I don't want to be, I want to get excited about holidays, birthdays trips but just aren't able to.

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Louisejanee

Your post sounds familiar.

The first time I realised I didnt have the 'excited' feeling was a couple of years ago during a bit of CBT and it suddenly dawned on me - OMG. Its quite sad really, no excitement but weariness.

The best I can do is "i've done that, thank god," or "thats over and done with until next time".

I think the good thing is with your situation is that you have realised what is not quite right and you can work on that.

I'm a different person now too but it doesnt mean that you can't change.

Keep working at it and you'll get there.

I think everyone has blips in their life's and this is just a little one.

Take care.