lindzanne
21-09-09, 20:48
Hello all. I have posted more than once about some pain I have been having, and my fear of ovarian cancer. It started when I started birth control several months ago, is one sided, usually comes and goes, around the time of my period, and seemed to be getting better but this month was worse, much more a dull constant ache and menstrual like cramps at the wrong time of the month. Also I have been having stomach problems which have definitely improved and I was just chalking up to anxiety, but you know how it is. In the back of your mind there is that whisper that it really IS cancer.
So....after weeks of worrying I FINALLY went to my doctor about it. I was so proud of myself for going in, being honest with the doctor about all my symptoms, and she is very patient with my HA as she is familiar with me and sees it as a valid medical condition and does not let it affect her opinion of any real physical symptoms. She seemed to feel it was a cyst reacting to the birth control. To my disappointment she has referred me to get an ultrasound, because she wants to be sure, she couldn't feel anything during the pelvic exam. This is my third pelvic exam in six months (due to a nasty infection earlier this year) where nothing has been felt, but all I can think about is the cancer hiding deep inside me. Im sure many of you know the feeling that you know something your doctor doesnt. I cannot bring myself to make the ultrasound appointment. Every day I don't do it is like another day I get to know I don't have cancer. I don't know what to do. Is the fear of cancer every day worse, or knowing you have it? My doctor is very reassuring and of course thinks it is nothing bad, but can't say for sure in order to protect herself from getting sued in case it is. I have been very bad and done some googling and of course found stories of young women with similar symptoms who ended up with cancer. (I am 29). This is maddening!
I have suffered from health anxiety since I was a small child. I was always convinced that I did not deserve to live, and would die young as an example to others that fate is fickle and we have no control in life. I did have a very traumatic childhood, but still find it very odd that it led me to that conclusion, even as a child.
I am interested in hearing advice from other women who have had cysts or undergone ultrasounds. My main concerns are--pain in my leg on the side of the cyst. Could your doctor always feel the cyst with a pelvic exam? If I had one it seems like she would have been able to feel it? Did you have any stomach problems? Did the pain come and go? What kind of pain was it? Can even a small cyst cause so much pain? Is the ultrasound scary? I am afraid I will be able to tell from their eyes if I have cancer or not.
I just really need support and advice. I do not know if I can pick up the phone and make that appointment. I am secretly crying alone a lot and thinking of leaving my husband, and never having a life or children, while outwardly going about my business as if everything were fine. I am tired of putting my anxiety on other people and I feel like I just need to learn how to cope this time, not go down that spiral of panic attacks. But it does make me feel alone. No one trusts me to be able to deal with anything serious so I feel like I have something to prove.
I am sorry if I am rambling, I just really need help on this one. Please, PLEASE, anybody, advice, encouragement, a kick in the pants, whatever.
Thanks,
Lindsay
So....after weeks of worrying I FINALLY went to my doctor about it. I was so proud of myself for going in, being honest with the doctor about all my symptoms, and she is very patient with my HA as she is familiar with me and sees it as a valid medical condition and does not let it affect her opinion of any real physical symptoms. She seemed to feel it was a cyst reacting to the birth control. To my disappointment she has referred me to get an ultrasound, because she wants to be sure, she couldn't feel anything during the pelvic exam. This is my third pelvic exam in six months (due to a nasty infection earlier this year) where nothing has been felt, but all I can think about is the cancer hiding deep inside me. Im sure many of you know the feeling that you know something your doctor doesnt. I cannot bring myself to make the ultrasound appointment. Every day I don't do it is like another day I get to know I don't have cancer. I don't know what to do. Is the fear of cancer every day worse, or knowing you have it? My doctor is very reassuring and of course thinks it is nothing bad, but can't say for sure in order to protect herself from getting sued in case it is. I have been very bad and done some googling and of course found stories of young women with similar symptoms who ended up with cancer. (I am 29). This is maddening!
I have suffered from health anxiety since I was a small child. I was always convinced that I did not deserve to live, and would die young as an example to others that fate is fickle and we have no control in life. I did have a very traumatic childhood, but still find it very odd that it led me to that conclusion, even as a child.
I am interested in hearing advice from other women who have had cysts or undergone ultrasounds. My main concerns are--pain in my leg on the side of the cyst. Could your doctor always feel the cyst with a pelvic exam? If I had one it seems like she would have been able to feel it? Did you have any stomach problems? Did the pain come and go? What kind of pain was it? Can even a small cyst cause so much pain? Is the ultrasound scary? I am afraid I will be able to tell from their eyes if I have cancer or not.
I just really need support and advice. I do not know if I can pick up the phone and make that appointment. I am secretly crying alone a lot and thinking of leaving my husband, and never having a life or children, while outwardly going about my business as if everything were fine. I am tired of putting my anxiety on other people and I feel like I just need to learn how to cope this time, not go down that spiral of panic attacks. But it does make me feel alone. No one trusts me to be able to deal with anything serious so I feel like I have something to prove.
I am sorry if I am rambling, I just really need help on this one. Please, PLEASE, anybody, advice, encouragement, a kick in the pants, whatever.
Thanks,
Lindsay