View Full Version : Worry!
When you look through the majority of posts, there is one word which I think is most common in various forms - Worry!...I'm worried that...I'm worrying about....I'm worried "what if".....I'm a worrier...I have worries that...and so on.
However, what does the word "anxiety" actually mean? I forget what the dictionary actually defines it as but I always think of the word anxiety as meaning "Severe Worry".
Worry is what makes us all feel ill but its "sister" is the word "fear". Together they enjoy confusing us into thinking we really Are ill when really all our symptoms are created due to our worrying because we live in fear.
Going deeper, where does our worrying and fear come from? Yes, it's in our make-up but what else actually causes us to worry so much? Why don't others? Well, one other word comes to mind - Confidence!
We lack confidence in ourselves. Have you noticed how a confident person never worries like us? It's because they believe in themselves and their own abilities so why should they worry?
Why though do we lack confidence? I think this is probably because we're sensitive people and our sensitivity makes us vulnerable to criticism. Whenever someone bullies us or plants a seed of doubt, it hits our sensitivity making us feel inferior so we end up doubting ourselves.
Also though, we're often intense which makes us deep thinkers. We analyse everything but our intensity creates stress which then makes us analyse with self-doubt so we focus on all the "what ifs".
Alot of our negative thoughts are created by our lack of confidence but going back to that word - worry - how do we deal with it?
Well, I feel worry falls into 2 categories - 1) Worries that we Can do something about and 2) those we Can't because either they're out of our control or we're too afraid to face them.
Therefore, the way I try to deal with worry is to think to myself what type of worry is it? If it's something I Can do something about, I try to focus on a plan to sort the worry so that it's no longer a problem but If I can't do anything about it, I then say to myself I need to find a way to stop myself thinking about it so I look at things like hobbies, interests, music, relaxing etc.
I know the Worst thing I can do is sit or lay down doing nothing or sit feeling bored because I know 100% that my mind will focus on worrying so I'll end up feeling ill or worse.
What I feel we all need to REMEMBER is ALL our symptoms are created by us WORRYING about something so next time you start feeling ill, think to yourself what's worrying you other than your symptoms and when you find the underlying thought that's making you worry, decide whether it's something within your control or not. If it is, formulate a plan to sort it but if it's beyond your control or you don't feel strong enough to sort it, focus on things you Can do which will stop you thinking about it and you Will feel better.
I know though that many will say they're not aware of actually "thinking any thoughts" but what I would say is think of your first fear that comes to mind and that will probably be the underlying cause making you worry.
For instance, you maybe alone in the house feeling afraid but you know there's nothing to be afraid of so you can't understand why. It's an instinctive reaction caused by insecurity and lack of confidence. Your fear is a fear of not being able to cope for yourself due to your lack of confidence. If you analyse your thoughts, you will find the cause and then often you can work out what you need to do to feel better. However, sometimes the causes can be masked by the trees so we need help to find a way through the woods which is when we need therapists, counsellors etc.
Another way to look at worry is to think of a lion. If we saw a lion we'd feel afraid but we wouldn't be aware of actually thinking anything. It would be an automatic learnt response. We don't actually think about being killed and eaten......we just run!!!
Stress can act like a lion but we can't run from it so we feel trapped and that then causes us to panic because we feel there's no escape so we end up turning in on ourselves by "worrying"! I often think of the parrot who feels stressed in his cage because he feels trapped so he ends up pulling his feathers out just as we focus on health worries.
Anyway, when you next feel really ill, it'll probably be because you're worrying about something but once you've discovered what it is that's worrying you, if you can't sort it, try and find ways to stop yourself thinking about it and you Will feel better!
One last thought, worry is often fuelled by stress so try to look at ways to ease the amount of stress in your life but if you can't actually tackle the stresses, find time for yourselves by doing something you enjoy that will help to stop you "worrying" and you'll also feel less stressed.:hugs:
Bill
What a wise and knowledgeable man you are, i always enjoy reading your post, they always make so much sense............
they make you stop and think and get you thinking in a more rational way.
This is the first post i read today, and im so glad i did, when you spoke of worry, that struck a cord with me, yesterday i took something back to a shop to challenge them about something that i thought i had been over charged for, i had orginally been there the day before, , i had bought a few things, he had over charged me then, and refunded me there and then, when i got home i thought i had been over charged for something else, so plucked up the courage to challenge and ask, now ,the chap must be one of the coldest fish on the planet, stoney faced and dour and very unhelpful, so... cringe.... i go and it turns out i hadnt been over charged,.. well i felt a right idiot and have worried about it ever since.
So i get up this morning, read your post... and i think STOP it, get this into perspective, and i think i have, i never need to go to the shop again if i dont want to, and even if i did, does it really matter, it was a mistake, we all make them, i bet he isnt sitting at home worrying about me..lol
Sometimes we all need a reminder to stop ourselves in our tracks, the familar tracks, that we make for ourselves, that have become a habit. so thank you...
I hope you are doing ok today bill, and i look forward to reading more of your posts..
Take care
Pauline :hugs:
Hello Bill!:hugs:
I'm so pleased to see you've been posting again recently. You are always so full of wise insights and advice. You help so many people with your posts.
I hope you are feeling a bit stronger now. I look forward to reading more from you very soon.
Judy.xx:hugs:
Good to read your post Bill, you are always soooooo helpful with your words of wisdom.
Certainly strikes a cord with me. I had a session with the therapist today, and funnily enough one of the things he asked me was about my fear of being on my own at home and i found i couldn't give a clear cut answer why i get so anxious when my husband goes out and i am alone. It is something i will be trying to get to the bottom of before my session next week.
Hmmm your post has given me food for thought.
Huge thank you Bill.
Hope you are doing okay and thing are good for you at the moment.
Take care
Sue xxxx :bighug1:
I'm just glad my post helped all of you because if it didn't, I shouldn't be here!:hugs:
Sweet Sue:hugs:
Some things to think about......
I don't think it's imperative that we find out where our anxieties all stem from but I've always felt it's a bit like going to the doctor with symptoms because before they can prescribe anything, they have to find out what's causing the symptoms.
For instance, if something bad happened in our past which causes anxiety due to emotional stress then the sufferer could be directed to a counsellor whereas someone suffering from OCD would probably benefit more by seeing a therapist.
However, I feel we can also learn how to help ourselves if we find the right tools once we feel strong enough but often it helps to understand ourselves and our anxiety first.
Once the causes have been uncovered, I don't feel its of any benefit going over them constantly because I feel it can fuel our anxiety. I feel that rather like a doctor would treat us, once they know the illness they would want us to move forward by taking the medication or therapy.
I also feel that understanding our anxiety and where they originate from can also help us to rationalise anxiety symptoms otherwise we tend to be leaded by our anxiety into thinking there's something really wrong with us when it's just caused by our anxiety. Anxiety loves to trick us into leading us down the wrong path!
When you start thinking about the causes, look back into your past to your earliest memories when you felt at risk. For instance, possible causes could be that you were left on your own alot, that you felt abandoned, that you didn't receive the affection you needed, people ignored you or bullied you etc.
There will be other reasons though connected to your personality. No doubt you're a very sensitive woman, feel very insecure, lack confidence in your own abilities (perhaps because you were never praised) etc.
One other thing though is that when you combine the causes above, we then have to learn to live with the symptoms and these symptoms in themselves can then make us afraid of being on our own because we then fear something happening to us due to the symptoms but no one is there on hand.
However, as I say, understanding the causes will probably help you undertsand yourself better but then you will need to earn how to cope with the symptoms your past has produced.
I must admit I'm very similar to you because my mother tells me I screamed in the pram when she wasn't in sight. As a toddler I followed her everywhere. In my teens all my brothers and sister left home and when I came home from school there was no one at home. I also can't remember ever receiving affection although I know I am loved by my mother but I can only remember her pushing me away when I wanted a cuddle. My sister also resented me and I can remember her pushing me away as well.
I can remember my anxieties started at an early age and combined with the above, I have always been very sensitive and lacked confidence etc. When I married and encountered the extra stresses, all my anxieties became too much and so I became very "ill" to the point of nearly not being here today.
Anyway, I just wanted to illustrate how past events combined with our personality can cause problems in the present.
I can remember that I used to be very afraid of being left on my own, even after we got married but with time I have learnt to cope, even though I still don't enjoy my own company. One of the reasons I never left.
When I am left on my own, I don't sit and think. I always find something to keep me occupied which is of "interest". I've always found boring chores make my anxiety worse because they don't keep my mind trained away from anxious thoughts.
Training your mind away from anxious thoughts and not allowing your mind to think about "being alone" is really the key. When we are in a situation where we feel afraid, we often turn our thoughts "inwardly" because we focus too much on our fear. This is why a hobby or interest isn't just a distraction but also good therapy to train us to stop "thinking" about our feelings. In time and without realising it, we learn a new way of thinking and "forget" to think about being afraid of being alone.
When my mother lost my father, she found herself alone but the only way she learnt to cope was by finding interests. She never sits doing nothing. She's always sewing or doing a jigsaw. She also makes sure she gets out to mix with people in shops to have a quick chat which is something people can do on here.
Like I say, I used to feel very anxious being on my own but these days I think of things to "do" rather than sit and think about how I'm "feeling". The worst thing we can do when we feel afraid is lay down or sit and "think" because anxiety will always win!
I think the vast majority of the human race don't enjoy being alone. That's one reason why we need to find a partner so it's only natural to need company. We're social animals. However, confidence plays a large part as to whether we can cope with our own company or not. When we lack confidence, we tend to fear more and so worry more. Training your mind to cope when you're alone also builds confidence in your own abilities so you're less likely to be afraid of being on your own.
Anyway, just some thoughts for you in case they're of help.:hugs:
I think my anxiety comes from my mum and dads failed relatonship.My mum and dad were so happy, everyone thought so, so did my mum. And then my dad had a midlife crisis at 40 and met someone at a chrismtas party. After this he seemed to get swept away in the "new love" and ended up leaving my mum.
My biggest worry is falling out of love with my boyfriend. My anxiety comes and is the "but do i" feeling. So i think "i love him" and then my anxiety is there saying "But do i?" and last night i was in such a state because i was thinking "ive always loved him" and my anxiety was going "But did you really?" and id try to think of the good things weve done recently and i was thinking "that was a really happy memory" and my anxiety was saying "Yes but were you really happy?" My anxiety is the questions and it seems it wants me to think something that is my biggest worry.
Its so stressful. Last night i convinced myself that maybe i never was happy and maybe i dont love him. And my dad found me in tears about it because i just wanted to switch off and let the anxiety ease but it just wouldnt go. So we talked for a couple of hours in the evening and just discussed things. It was upsetting to hear him say things such as "You dont have to love him, you can just be friends" this hurt, i dont want to just be friends, i love him and i want to spend time with him.
I guess,i need to focus on simplifying my thoughts. Im trying to just think of it as "I do want to spend time with him" which is true, so if when the feeling of "do you really love him" comes up i just need to try and argue saying "well yes because i want to spend time with him".
I get worried that its not the anxiety, but i see this as a road with a patchy section of black cloud and i need to carefully walk throguh to get to the other side. Im positive to get through it and me and nick will come out the other end.
But in relation to your post. How can i overcome this fear? Facing my fear would mean ending it whcih isnt what i want. Eugh lol Starting medication today so fingers crossed it works for me.
Great post though :)
I think what happened between your parents upset you so badly that you now live in fear of the same thing happening in your relationship so you are constantly doubting what you feel.
The more we really want something, the more stress we create for ourselves and so the more anxiety will raise itself because the stress causes us to be so afraid of losing what is so important to us.
It's a bit like watching a tennis player at match point lose their match so we then become afraid of the same thing happening to us in our match because the memory surfaces at the time when we feel most stressed at the point where we feel we have so much to lose. Instead of focussing on winning, the stress we create for ourselves because we feel it's just "too" important causes us to focus on fearing losing instead which is why we often cry because it's a mechanism to release stress.
When these thoughts arise, I would ask yourself another question- "Would you be happy without him?" If the answer is that you'd be very upset and miss him very badly, then your love for him must be true and all the self-doubts must therefore be but an illusion created by your fear so they should be ignored.
How can i overcome this fear? Facing my fear would mean ending it whcih isnt what i want.
No...facing your fear would be to follow your heart and what you really want regardless of the self-doubts created by your fear of losing and then creating self-belief in yourself and in the relationship, that you both love each other very much so everything Will work out ok, if you keep the bond strong by always showing how much you love each other.:hugs:
Thanks bill :) Your so knowledgeable lol Yeah i was discussing this with my dads gf last night and i felt so much better after as she helped me to figure out that im stressed out with alot of stuff and im trying to self destruct my relationship. I just feel like if the only way to get rid of the anxiety is to lose him then id rather not live. I know life isnt about another person but really, i feel like im beign forced into an arranged marriage just the other way around, being forced out.
I feel much better than i did yesterday, and your words make me feel so much better too thanks :)
what a great post Bill, we are fortunate to have wisdom like yours on this forum.
take care
kath
x
Thank you Kath for your kind words.:hugs:
Joellie:hugs: In another of your threads you've titled it "Want this to stop" and in your above post, you've used a phrase "I feel like I'm being forced".
This has made me have another thought. I feel you're fighting against every worry and irrational thought you're thinking because these thoughts frighten you so much.
When we have, say, an intrusive thought of a cream cake, it doesn't frighten us so we let the thought pass by as just a silly thought and it never troubles us again. However, when we have an irrational thought based on a bad event in our lives that has left an emotional scar, the fear that the irrational thought "could" become true can terrify us so much that we try to "fight" it.
As soon as we think one of these thoughts, we panic and the panic causes us to tense up just like finding a spider sitting on us! When we tense up, we're resisting the thought by trying to fight it off. It then creates self-doubt so we start down the road of analysing it thinking about all the "what if's" when we know it's just an irrational thought and deep down we know it's not true. It's just our fear that keeps it alive.
When a thought frightens us so much and we attempt to fight it off, it will keep coming back like a "big bully" because it knows it can scare us.
In your other thread where you say you want it to stop, you have to learn let it by learning to treat these thoughts as just "silly thoughts" created by fear.
It means that when you have these thoughts, don't be frightened by them, don't panic, don't tense up and don't analyse them. Treat them in just the same way as you would at the thought of a cream cake. Allow yourself to think it but then let it through you by saying to yourself "what a stupid thought!". Don't "care" about thinking them because they are just "silly thoughts" created by your anxiety.
You'll never be able to "block" these thoughts out so stop trying to fight them because they'll keep coming back. Allow yourself to think them without panicking and they'll pass through you just a cream cake would and then they'll stop attacking you because they won't bother you anymore!:hugs:
Joellie I hope you don't ming me joining in this discussion. One thing I am very aware of is learned behaviours. If you have been hurt, as by the split of your parents, or fearful of your own feelings, it's easy without realising it to test your partner to the limits to ensure that what has hurt you won't happen to you with him. In doing so, you train him to respond in the way you need. Partnerships always work like this - he won't leave the loo seat up if you ask him not to amd you won't cook the boiled cabbage his mother always used to force down him. The danger is that this disables you more by making any possible anxious situation a trigger for him to deal with it for you. The best partnerships rely on communication. If you feel anxious, talk it through and try to come to a result where he is aware of your fears and can help you work through them, with you taking the lead at your pace. We anxiety sufferers need support, not protection, or the fears become more disabling.
Tangerine Man
26-09-09, 07:23
Bill, what a great insight, thanks
Desprate Dan
26-09-09, 09:14
Bill you really should be a therapist, you can really relate to what the majority of us are going through..:) And your words a so reasuring and helpful..
I know for one my Anxiety and fear is down to my lack of confidence, which i have had since my childhood but not sure hoew or when it started, but i feel so infearer to others, and i feel is if i cant say no and and have to do and agree with everything they say even if i dont agree..:wacko: just because i cant handle the fear of not being liked, i get so emotional if someone says something bad about me, it really upsets me..
some of my fears..
(1) i fear going to the doctors incase he thinks i am a burden and a waste of time...(which if he did it would really upset me):weep:
(2) I fear refusing overtime at work because i know my boss will think bad of me, this has a lot to do with my anxiety, my job is very boring infact a monkey could do it, i sit on my own for 9 hours watching a machine and pressing a few buttons from time to time.. This means my mind wanders of down many diffrent routes and 99% of them are not nice thoughts, which sets me off panicing and my anxiety starts...:scared15: so i cant handle spending a minute longer in that place, not because of the work but because of the time i have to think whilst i am there.....:weep: :weep:
(3) I have a lump on my testicle which i had for over 10 years i lived in fear i was dieing of cancer but never went to the doctors because i was so affraid and didnt want to put him or her in and embarrasing situation, because i would feel bad for doing so.. I just accept that sooner or later i would die..
Now after all this time i needed to address the problem to help me recover, so i went to the doctor in tears, he checked me out and said that i had an Epididymal Cyst and it was totally harmless...:yesyes: But i feel such a fool for letting this problem fester in my mind for so many years i feel so guilty...:weep: :weep:
(4) I was in a terrible relationship for 6 years before she eventually left me, i could never leave, i was frightened of the bad things she would say about me and that i would be all alone, even when i constantly got verbally abused and i could do know right, and i was told i was useless, and i should be grateful to her for putting up with me..:mad: :weep: During this time i suffered from erection problems from time to time, i simply just couldnt perform on demand and got made to feel i was a failure...:weep: :weep: even now i am single i still get the problems from time to time which i am so affraid that its holding me back from entering another relationship what if i cant perform what if i get stuck in another bad relationship..
I think this stems back along way, when i was 16 my mates fixed me up with this girl, she had a bit of a reputation if you know what i mean, they said she wanted to sleep with me, my mates set it all up and all though i didnt really fancy this girl and i was a virgin at the time.. Although i had told a little white lie to my mates because they were bragging how many girls they had been with, i told them when i was on holiday with my family, i met a girl and one night we had sex on the beach..
Anyway needless to say my experience with this girl my mates had fixed me up with was a total disaster..:doh: i just could make it happen..:weep: :blush: she laughed in my face and went on to tell all my mates that i couldn't get it up and how small i was down below.....:blush: :blush: :blush: This hurt me so much all though i pretended i wasnt botherd..
I think thats when i shut up shop and wouldnt let people in because i was frightened of getting hurt, i lost my sense of humour and i couldn't really have fun or let my self go.. The only time i felt i could was if i had been drinking, everyone would comment on what a diffrent person i was and how i was so funny.. Yet i knew drinking was not the answer infact i didnt like drinking because once i started i couldnt stop and drank to much and felt bad for days on end, and embarrased for the things i had done whilst drunk..:blush:
Now i am in a job that that gives me time to dwell on my past and waht a failure i am..
I am affraid to burden the doctor with my problems..
I cant sleep at night and have terrible nightmares almost every night which leave me frightend and exhausted the next day..
I cant relax in the company of others..
I just dont know were if or when it will all end, but i cant see any light at the end of the tunnel....:weep: :weep: :weep: :weep:
What should i do??
HELP ME PLEASE.
Desprate Dan
. The best partnerships rely on communication. If you feel anxious, talk it through and try to come to a result where he is aware of your fears and can help you work through them, with you taking the lead at your pace. We anxiety sufferers need support, not protection, or the fears become more disabling.
Thanks bill and maddie ^^ Yeah i know partnerships rely on communication, i have discussed the same with you guys what ive discussed with him. I think what the worry is for me is that i am afraid to fall out of love like my dad did so right now the irrational fear is "have i fallen out of love now!? how can i tell?! because i dont have butterflies it must be true" when my rational head says "im worried, but iknow butterflies dont mean love they just are when you meet someone new you like alot"
Bill, i love your wisdom lol it makes so much sence, while im still pretty new to this (anxiety) im finding my feet i think, i managed to let a thought pass me by last night which i was so happy about, sometimes i can sometimes i am so scared about thinking it that im worried its true.
Before i knew it was anxiety when it hought i was just doubting my relationship i was just in a state because i would think "do i still love him?" and read it as "i dont still love him" but then my rational thought would be like "oh hang on a minute, of course you do" then the worrying and the tight stomach started!
Id love to be able to pass every irratioinal thought of my boyfriend by like the thought of a cream cake, but by nature without anxiety im a worryer and a thinker so i often worry "I must be thinking this for a reason, other wise it wouldnt be in my head" so then comes in the getting over the anxiety part of things. Ive had worrys before about my relationship but now its fuelled by my anxiety.
Thanks both of you, and bill you should be a therapist lol id pay to have you help !
I feel okt his morning still have the "am i hungry or am i anxious" feeling inside, so il eat and reevaluate lol
Now i am in a job that that gives me time to dwell on my past and waht a failure i am..
I am affraid to burden the doctor with my problems..
I cant sleep at night and have terrible nightmares almost every night which leave me frightend and exhausted the next day..
I cant relax in the company of others..
Dan, doctors are never burdened with our problems, we pay their salary through our tax, all they have to do is sit in their office and listen to us and use their degree level knowledge to find out whats wrong. I had this same problem before i went to my doctor, I was worried i was just doubting my relationship and that he would laugh me off saying "you need to think abotu this yourself its not an illness its just a normal every day thing peopel need to sort out" but he didnt i wrote down my list of how i felt, what happens when i feel it and what the end result is, he took one look at it and brought up the "depression and anxiety test" up and we did that, figured out i had sever axiety.
At night i feel the same, i worry that the next day will be the same, recently the attacks have been worse and im exhausted and in bed every night at like 10 when usually im awake till 11 or 12. All you can do is try to relax before bed with a bath or listen to some calming music when falling asleep as it can distract your thoughts and with the music playing it may calm your brain enough for it not to generate nightmares.
I say go to yoru GP, if you come out without an answer than youve lost nothing? But if you go and they help you, youve gained everythign :)
Some interesting points raised...
Maddie:hugs: One point you've rightly raised is the "fear of hurt". We're sensitive people which means we're also often emotional and we "feel everything". The bad side is that we are easily hurt but the good side is that people like yourself will feel alot of empathy and compassion for others because you would feel "their" hurt too.
We often beat ourselves up saying to ourselves we're failures but if you look at anxiety sufferers in another light, they often have alot of fine qualities that others don't have. Yes, we worry but to worry means to care and I always feel what finer quality can there be than to care about others and their feelings because we know what it's like to "feel hurt".
When we think of anxiety, we think of the major ways it affects our lives but when you analyse anxiety further, you'll see just how much fear rules our lives because everything we do and say is governed by fear. Can you think a thought without an element of worry? Even when we're enjoying ourselves siting on top of a cliff looking at a beautiful sunset...our worry will be telling us not to get too close because it's a long way down! However, we also worry how we interact with people, worry what we say and how to say it and how they will react and worry what they mean and whether we've offended them.....and so on...and so on. When worry gets out of control, we make ourselves feel ill!
Fear of hurt also means fear of trusting others. This is often because we've experienced hurt in the past which we've never allowed to heal because we tend to keep things bottled. It can hinder us in making friends and be suspicious on the constant lookout for ulterior motives. It can also make us pessimistic always expecting the past to happen again. However, our hurt can also generate alot of anger and frustration which then creates stress which fuels our anxiety.
Our anxiety can be fuelled in so many ways but often we're unaware of them. We only feel the symptoms and worry that we're actually ill.
Dan:) I know in the current climate it's extremely difficult but I feel you really ought to keep an eye out for a job you think you'll enjoy. I found that when I was in a mundane stressful job, my anxiety became much worse so that it affected every aspect of my life. If we can find happiness in what we do daily, we feel more relaxed in ourselves so anxiety becomes much easier to cope with. It made a huge difference for me when I found a job I enjoyed.
One thing about too much stress is that not only does it increase our anxiety but it also makes us focus much more on health worries because we have no enjoyment in life. Too much stress makes us feel trapped so like I often say, we pull our feathers out like a parrot in a cage because we turn on ourselves looking for a health worry to worry about. Less stress means less anxiety and less worrying about seeing a doctor because we find there's no need to as much. That's speaking from experience so I know exactly how you feel!
I honestly feel that if you can, think about finding a job you'll enjoy where you mixing with others and I'm Sure you'll benefit from it in every area of your life.
Dan, I am Quite Sure that if you were in a loving caring relationship you would have absolutely No problem at all because you would feel totally relaxed with such a woman...and there's plenty around like that...just think of those on here and how caring They are!.......and what caring woman wouldn't want a caring bloke like you??? You're not a failure Dan. Just feeling too stressed causing you to feel low and to beat yourself up.
Joellie:hugs:
At night i feel the same, i worry that the next day will be the same,
One tip - try to Stop this habit because worrying like this means the next day you WILL feel the same because you'll have already convinced yourself so will Expect to feel the same. That's why you feel so drained. You need to break the cycle by looking forward to the next day! Sometimes reading a "nice" book at bedtime can help or anything that doesn't allow your mind to "think" about worries. Relaxing is "ok" providing you teach your mind to "switch off".:hugs:
Oh and by the way, if I were a therapist, I'd do it voluntary! It would be for "pure pleasure". However, I feel I have too many of my own issues to really be objective but I enjoy offering what I can in the "hope" I can be of help others and that's satisfaction enough. I just enjoy helping others to smile again! Something my mother told me today that she heard on TV - "If you see someone who can't smile, give them one of yours!":) :hugs:
Aw thats such a nice thing. I know what you mean bill, ive always been the kind of person to want to "fix" and "help" people with problems etc but i often relate to the problems too much to want to give advice incase its clouded against me.
I try to think clearly about the next day thinking "tomorrow will be a new day"just sometimes its hard to. Like for instance, yesterday my boyfriend came on the trian i got in such a state before hand due to something he said about a new job meaning he might need to stay at mine every weekend, that it ruined the next couple of hours, i got really nervious about him coming, afriad i was going to get anxous, i threw up before we went, the car journy to a place i dropped my dad off was the worst ever ,i felt tense and horrible and on the way to the train station was like someone holding a gun to my head saying "just drive" i couldnt relax and i was already in tears before my boyfriend got to the car, it turned out though i had a really nice anxiety free evening without him. So i was positive today when i woke up.
However, what smoetimes makes me negative for the next day is, even though i had a good evening before, sometimes il get anxiety in the morning! Im watching the fox and the hound and its horrible, all i can think about are how the characters would be feeling and those thoughts are transfering into my feelings. And its got me all anxious and upset about it! I have work later and the thoguht of having to leave my house makes me anxious. I dont think id have an attack because of going out i just think that when i get anxiety when im not at home i feel upset and want to go home.
Switching off has to be about the most difficult thing for me, i can only achieve it asleep, which makes me want to sleep longer lol
I think once youve resolved your issues and what not you should look into it it would be really rewarding. You just see alot of sence that i dont sometimes and alot of your words stick with me in the day and it helps the day be more enjoyable.
On a note of what i said about fox on the hound, is it normal for ANYTHING to be triggers. Like songs, radio, film, tv. Sometimes its related to nothing, i just feel what people are feeling, sometimes the words can be triggers if theyre related to love etc. Its a new thing for me in the last couple of days and sometimes its a bit random lol
i had a really nice anxiety free evening without him. So i was positive today when i woke up.
However, what smoetimes makes me negative for the next day is, even though i had a good evening before, sometimes il get anxiety in the morning!
I have work later and the thoguht of having to leave my house makes me anxious. I dont think id have an attack because of going out i just think that when i get anxiety when im not at home i feel upset and want to go home.
Joellie:hugs: If we can go to bed feeling relaxed we stand a better chance of waking feeling relaxed because we'll have a better sleep. This is why some people shouldn't watch horror films last thing!
If you feel anxious in the morning, it will be because you were anxious before you went to sleep and had a bad night and/or it could be that you dread getting through the day. For instance, you were aware that you had to go to work and the thought of leaving the house made you anxious which then caused you to worry about feeling anxious while you were out because when that happens you wish you were home. The thoughts are all connected by fear and worry rather than looking forward to going out.
On a note of what i said about fox on the hound, is it normal for ANYTHING to be triggers. Like songs, radio, film, tv. Sometimes its related to nothing, i just feel what people are feeling, sometimes the words can be triggers if theyre related to love etc. Its a new thing for me in the last couple of days and sometimes its a bit random lol
We're sensitive people so yes, anything can trigger our anxiety. If we're feeling anxious, we can also be more emotional so anything emotional on TV etc is more likely to trigger us because we're more sensitive to what others might be feeling. Also if we are suffering hurt or worry, we will pick up on certain words because we'll relate them to how we're feeling. It's perfectly normal and it shows you have empathy for others so that can't really be a bad thing! It's a fine quality to have!
However, when you feel more settled, words etc won't trouble you as much. :bighug1:
Ah thats good, ive had it all evening. I meant an anxiety free evening WITH him. It was so great yesterday, im struggling a tiny bit tonight, everything is trying to trigger it off and i keep having to change the channel. I litterally end up watching cartoons because they lack human emotion. Gonna visit doctor tomorrow with my boyfriend, im anxious about tomorrow but im unsure of why.
Im gonna work hard at being positive tonight and try to just put the worry out of my mind for the rest of the evening i just feel like the triggers are being more invasive!
I had anxiety over litterally nothing earlier. My mind was actually clear for once and i got the butterflies and knots etc and then i got really aggitated and just ended up forcing my self to sleep for a while. Sometiems i just feel at peace when im asleep even though im not concious of the sleep its like having a great break from it all. I dont want to feel this way though because i sometimes look forward to sleeping rather than other things. This is something im going to talk to the doctor about aswell as i feel a bit like im slipping into some kind of fear of being awake lol hmm
I know having empathy for people is a good thing i just feel overloaded! I feel like a scapegoat for whatever show im watching, or if my dad is shouting at my sister i feel like hes shouting at me when hes not. Its like having the world on my shoulders and when i change the show to something silly like spongebob it lifts as im not like seeing human emotion or tones of voice that are real.
Work was fine though today, i didnt have anxiety there, i had it driving there and on the walk from the carpark to the shop it sort of faded, ive got a really nice girl working with me on the weekend and she is the sort of person who wont keep asking "how are you, are you better today?" which i hate because it remidns me of it lol but she was telling me about her birthday and she let me help her with the rotas so i felt like i had a distraction.
Hello Bill,
You are an absolute star. You are my guiding light through a very dark forest. I read your post, and I can honestly say, for the very first time today, my shoulders have relaxed, I am breathing deeply and I am crying with absolute, total and utter relief.
Thank you so much for being on this site. Thank you for offering such words of comfort.
My main problem is boredom and I absolutely detest my own company. I'm not afraid when I am alone in the house, but I too cannot lie in bed once I am awake, because the dwelling brings thoughts of the past and thoughts of what might happen during the future day. I have to get up and about and do stuff. Anything, fill the dishwasher, fill the washing machine, clean the cooker, etc, etc. I have the cleanest house in my street !!!!
One of the main problems I have at the moment is being a passenger in a car. Driving I can cope with because I am doing something, but as a passenger I am constantly thinking "don't need the toilet, don't need the toilet, don't lose it and have a panic attack" and if we get stuck in a traffic jam I am screaming in my head "I want to get out, I need to run away, I want to click my fingers and be in my bedroom, I want this travelling to stop NOW". This seems to be taking me hours to think when in reality, it's literally a minute or two, long enough for the traffic lights to change !!! Sometimes, I have made my hand bleed because subconsciously I have been digging my nails into my hand to cause a distraction. Pain offers distraction in those situations. Weird, I know, but you've got to do what you can to get you through these moments haven't you.
Time is on my side I know, but the worst thing for a panic sufferer to experience is patience. I cannot stand in a queue, I cannot get on a bus or coach, I haven't found the nack of getting my thoughts in check as yet, but I hope I will soon.
I am now going to fill my head with cream cakes, trifles and oodles of other naughty things. That's my kind of therapy.
Thanks again Bill. I will let you know how I get on. My main fear is that I don't want to get any worse than I am now, and I do feel that I am heading that way. That is my main fear. That is my nemesis.
Im gonna work hard at being positive tonight and try to just put the worry out of my mind for the rest of the evening
When you say things like the above, it makes me feel you understand yourself which is a good base. It also shows you have inner strength because you're able to counteract your anxiety because you know what to do and how to do it! Gives me alot of hope that things will work out OK for you!:hugs:
Work was fine though today, i didnt have anxiety there, i had it driving there and on the walk from the carpark to the shop it sort of faded,
When we wake in the morning and feel anxious as you did today, sometimes the anxiety can feel So powerful that we feel we just can't face going out because the fear is so great. Sometimes then when we do attempt to go out, we feel in such a nervous state that we cause "panic attacks". We then retreat home and feel a failure!:weep:
However, if we can reduce this amount of anxiety to the level where it is bearable, the anxiety Always fades as it did for you because once we're at work, our minds are then too busy concentrating on other things.:)
Feeling anxious when we're out or experiencing a panic attack can be terrifying. We can either allow our fear to rule our lives or we can learn how to manage our fears so that we take control of our lives.
However, if we attempt to battle our fears when we feel too afraid of them, the fears will always win because we "tense up" which then triggers the process towards panic. To defeat fear, we have to learn to not allow it to frighten us by remaining relaxed in front of it by saying to it "Do what you want, I'm not scared of you". When we learn to do that, we "forget" our fears and they run away from us instead which is what they did when you got to work.....because you "forgot" them and fear gave up because it felt "ignored"!:hugs:
Desprate Dan
28-09-09, 07:08
Bill like others have said you are a "STAR" what a top gentleman...:)
I like yourself and probably many others on here, get imense satisfaction from helping others and making them feel good, yet its strange how we cant help ourselves..:weep: or at least we think we can't..
One thing which has struck me, is we all like someone to be nice to us and reasure us that we are fine and we are good people, i know this is me and like i have said in a my previous post i have always felt infearer to others, so just someone saying a nice thing about me can brighten up my whole day.:D
I am fine when i am out doing my hobbies with friends, but i hate my own company...:lac: the reason being is because i know when i am on my own Mr Anxiety will come back and try his best to make me feel ill, i tried tackling him head on "COME ON MR ANXIETY TRY YOUR BEST, GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT, YOU DONT SCARE ME""...:roflmao: Well this worked for a short period then he got the better of me again...:unsure: :weep:
One day i will chase him away for ever, i will beat him thats a certainty...
Cheers
Desprate Dan
Hi Bill ,Well written and sensible post .i have been well for a long while now and haven't been frequenting the forums as much then I got a birthday email from the site on 26th sep so I thought i'd pop in and say thanks.
I agree whith what you say Bill .From my personal experience I believe we are freed from the anxiety,fear,worry ,endless physical symptoms that are always present in some form or other . I learned through reading many books that we are creating our own anxiety and symptoms with our minds.
in 2007 I was almost housebound with fear and panic and couldn't face the slightest task . In the past Month I have been made redundant ,I am retraining in IT (computer technitian) .So , in two years I have went from one extreme to the other and I put it all down to educating myself about why and how anxiety,fear,worry,etc etc happens . what I actually found out was that it doesn't happen TO us but rather it happens IN us ,in other words we create it ourselfs from the inside .What is happening on the outside is normal ,it is the way we deal with it that is wrong .
There are hundreds of excellent books and therapies on this and related issues and i urge you to try some . I won,t list the material I have read as its quite a long list but if anyone is interested in knowing i'd be happy to post . I still can have occasional feelings of nervousness / agitation but I regognise it immediately and examine what triggered it (there are always triggers) ,I examine the situation,thoughts around it and concentrate on NOW ,then when I see that there are no problems with the exact moment I am in NOW then the agitation melts away .
love and peace to you all
Hey tamo, do you mind listing a couple you found EASY to read? Because im having issues concentraiting i need easy reads! Im actually reading "depressive illness: the curse of the strong" by Dr tim cantoper at the moment, it goes in depth about why depression occurs and everythign about it, it doesnt have anything on anxiety in it which is why i bought it! But its worth a read to understand depression.
Im having a wierd trouble the last couple of days with my boyfriend, i keep thinking about later, later in the day or later tomorrow etc and i get really anxious, im not sure why im worried or whatever, and i think its over nothing.
Doctors today though, they are annoying but my doctor isnt in today so i have to see someone else! Means i have to go through the whole embarassing process of explaining how i feel again, which is a problem because i feel stupid when i explain it out loud it seems like a completely trivial problem. Although i feel better and havent had the racining obsessive thoughts for a few days ive had other symptoms that arent caused by anything (the knot in the stomach all the time and the hunger lol)
But tamo im glad you managed to work yourself out of it, this is exactly what i plan to do!
As soon as we think one of these thoughts, we panic and the panic causes us to tense up just like finding a spider sitting on us! When we tense up, we're resisting the thought by trying to fight it off. It then creates self-doubt so we start down the road of analysing it thinking about all the "what if's" when we know it's just an irrational thought and deep down we know it's not true. It's just our fear that keeps it alive.
When a thought frightens us so much and we attempt to fight it off, it will keep coming back like a "big bully" because it knows it can scare us.
In your other thread where you say you want it to stop, you have to learn let it by learning to treat these thoughts as just "silly thoughts" created by fear.
It means that when you have these thoughts, don't be frightened by them, don't panic, don't tense up and don't analyse them. Treat them in just the same way as you would at the thought of a cream cake. Allow yourself to think it but then let it through you by saying to yourself "what a stupid thought!". Don't "care" about thinking them because they are just "silly thoughts" created by your anxiety.
You'll never be able to "block" these thoughts out so stop trying to fight them because they'll keep coming back. Allow yourself to think them without panicking and they'll pass through you just a cream cake would and then they'll stop attacking you because they won't bother you anymore!:hugs:
My problem is negative thoughts make me avoid things and build up a false sense of fear. So it's almost a natural response to avoid anything that causes me danger bit like a panic attack. An example if a week or so ago some thought had come to me so It got me in such a state I was trembling, sweating, shaking with anxiety as the thoughts had built up such a fear.
Another side effect of prolonged thoughts for me has they depress me, make me feel rotten. Something I use to be passionate about now my shoulders go down and I feel "can't do it". They almost make me feel withdrawn I've had instances for a second I had no anxiety and bang the anxiety came and In just totally lost touch of something positive or how I felt before the anxiety.
I know they are irrational..half got my head round they mean nothing but the effect they have on my head is bad. I have anxiety negative thoughts from months ago that I still avoid right upto today. I feel it's far to controlling now I had a sheet that said "When Anxiety stops you living your life how you want to, you need to learn how to control it". it's stopping me it use to be physical symptoms of panic but now the negative thoughts are almost dominant and mould my moods/choices/life. It started off with light thoughts and over the months It's become that bad I'm obsessive over it and the thoughts are more graphical, disturbing or more advanced if it makes sense? Make something out of nothing well the negative thoughts can make a small thing seem massive.
I'm a bit worried as at the moment I feel like a float and not sure what's going on. I kind of make my choices on if my anxiety thinks it's ok and it won't make me freak out. Will my passion and normal sense of head come back? I have 100+ fears some bizarre and crazy some general ones. I feel my soul has been ripped out of me with anxiety. I feel the anxiety thoughts are a cloud over my head. :blush:
I'm sorry I missed your post MrsCluggy. I'm glad to be of help and even happier that you felt better!:hugs: I just wish I could do more to help you.
My main problem is boredom and I absolutely detest my own company. I have to get up and about and do stuff. Anything, fill the dishwasher, fill the washing machine, clean the cooker, etc, etc. I have the cleanest house in my street !!!!
MrsCluggy, there is much more to life than keeping busy with chores around the house otherwise we Will soon get bored because living becomes tedious. I know you have trouble getting out but you say you're ok when driving so are there any social groups you could attend to give you an interest? In my town there are classes just for "fun" and womens friendship groups etc. I think it would help you to socialise or do something you'll enjoy with others to break up the tedium of each day. Take a look in the paper or on noticeboards. How about yoga or a meditation class?
as a passenger I am constantly thinking "don't need the toilet, don't need the toilet, don't lose it and have a panic attack" and if we get stuck in a traffic jam I am screaming in my head "I want to get out, I need to run away, I want to click my fingers and be in my bedroom, I want this travelling to stop NOW". ....Sometimes, I have made my hand bleed because subconsciously I have been digging my nails into my hand to cause a distraction. Pain offers distraction in those situations. Weird, I know, but you've got to do what you can to get you through these moments haven't you.
Well, there are better ways of distracting yourself than virtually using selfharm MrsCluggy.:winks: I'm speaking from experience. Earlier this year I was in the backseat of a car when I started to feel sick. I began to sweat and started to panic. I picked up a road map in the hope it would take my mind off the feelings but I just felt worse because of the motion of the car so I decided to open the window to feel the breeze and look around outside. I analysed everything. The clouds in the sky, the leaves on the trees, people rushing by, the clothes they were wearing, shop signs...etc etc. I knew the Worst thing I could do was to try telling myself to "Don't feel sick" because it would mean I would be feeding my anxiety by focusing on it. I knew if I "ignored" it, it would pass and eventually my mind took hold of another thought and the feeling did pass. Never tell yourself to stop feeling anxious because it'll make you feel worse. Try to learn how to ignore it because then it will also forget you too.
Time is on my side I know, but the worst thing for a panic sufferer to experience is patience. I cannot stand in a queue, I cannot get on a bus or coach, I haven't found the nack of getting my thoughts in check as yet, but I hope I will soon.
Mmm, Patience!!! One of the key virtues we need to practise! It's all part of learning how to relax and accept situations we can't do anything about. I can remember once being in a queue in a supermarket where only one member of staff was on the counter. People behind me started getting so impatient and making sarcastic comments at the poor fella, and I just thought to myself it wasn't his fault so why take your frustrations out on him? Where was your patience? Shouting and screaming doesn't get you anywhere other than to make you feel ill so we all need to learn to accept. I know though that when we're in a hurry it's difficult not to get impatient but if we do, we have to accept feeling ill afterwards as a result. Anyway, when you're in a crowded situation where you feel trapped, remember to practise how to keep calm by thinking of things away from your situation.
For instance, when I go to the dentists which I have every week for the past month or more, I sit there and close my eyes, and take myself off to lying in my own bed listening to music. I virtually fall asleep.
I am now going to fill my head with cream cakes, trifles and oodles of other naughty things. That's my kind of therapy.
Try looking for bakers when you're out to fill your mind with fattening foods! lol
My main fear is that I don't want to get any worse than I am now, and I do feel that I am heading that way. That is my main fear. That is my nemesis.
You will Only get worse if you allow anxiety to control you. Don't fear anxiety. Accept it in and you'll be fine because it'll then soon get bored with trying to frighten you! Don't "fear" getting worse- say to yourself you Will get better and then you Will.:hugs:
As Tamo rightly says....
educating myself about why and how anxiety,fear,worry,etc etc happens . what I actually found out was that it doesn't happen TO us but rather it happens IN us ,in other words we create it ourselfs from the inside .What is happening on the outside is normal ,it is the way we deal with it that is wrong .....which is why the "cure" is also held within us in the way we "think" about we encounter in our daily lives. If we live in fear of everything, fear will live our lives but that need not always be the case once we take control of our lives again from fear by telling it to get lost because feeling fear won't frighten us.:hugs:
Aww bill your so amazing lol I feel bad for keep coming here and making you read all my posts but you really care enough to read peoples and reply in a way that makes everyone feel better.
But i worry for you because, i know as part of my anxiety, analysing things etc makes me worry more about my anxiety as i feel like i dont want to. But replying to these posts, dont they make you analyse in an anxious way or do you just read them and reply? I dont know if im making sence but basically im worried that we are making your anxiety worse by feeding the analytical side of it? Lol see i worry about everything but the thought just struck me. I dont know what your anxiety is liek or anything else you are suffering from at the moment so i cant say much.
sorry for that lol quick worry there! Just you must spend some amount of time actually reading and replying to all these, seems like lots of effort! were grateful i just dont want to make you ill!
I think my anxiety has taken a backseat to my depression at the moment, im not worrying over the things i was before and im not really worrying that much in general im just feeling low and depressed. Always have this aggitated feeling and i always just feel a bit withdrawn. But either way, i have you to thank for helping with the anxiety because you reassure in a way that makes me think "oh yes! of course why didnt i think of that!" i hope it stays lol its really stressful with both anxiety and depression
Sweet Joellie:) :hugs:
You've just proved one of my points that I'm always saying to anxiety sufferers who beat themselves up!.....
But i worry for you
You see, if you weren't a sensitive person, you wouldn't care so much about others so although the price we pay is suffering from anxiety, there is no other type of person who could care about others more because they worry so much!........and it's for this reason that I care so much about such caring people like yourself!
"Dear" Joellie, if I found my own anxiety was suffering as a result or I couldn't cope, I know I would have to back off for my own sake but to try and help people like yourself isn't a chore or an inconvenience because to imagine helping you and others smile again is a pure Pleasure.:) I keep coming back, even when I've been quiet for a while because of other pressures, because I Enjoy trying to help people like you sweet Joellie. I would just love to see and your b'f live a long and happy life together free of anxiety.
However, you give me the impression that your thoughts are running a million to the second contemplating worries! lol Slow down Joellie! Give your mind a chance to learn how to relax..........but you're very sweet so no wonder your b'f loves you so much!!!:):hugs:
Lol thanks bill, Yeah i do think about things too fast. At least this citalopram is making me not think as much im just suffering physically instead! lol Felt sick for 2 days now but its alright i think i can handle it!
I guess you would know yourself if you were getting anxiety over other peoples problems, i often find that coming here is hard because i read other peoples worries and my anxiety almost wants to attatch onto their problems and make them mine. Like if someone has health anxiety because of a trapped nerve in their stomach, i know ive had it before and i often feel the anxiety starting to come on and i just have to click off that page and not look at it again.
Gonna be a struggle to get to college today i skived off yesterday as the meds were just making me drowsy lol
How are you today?
MissChampers
30-09-09, 22:06
Thank you for that, I feel so much better already for reading it. You're so right about the lack of confidence, I've never had much confidence all my life but the past few years it's been non existent and my anxiety levels have been through the roof.
I'm "ok" sweet Joellie:hugs: I talked to my mother today and she said to me I must put my wife and her illness "first" rather than put my mother and her illness first. I replied, yes, but my second priority is keeping an eye on her (my mother) and then my third priority is keeping an eye on the poor old dog with his old age problems.....and then I said that's when I think of "me" but in truth I care more about others who need help more than me.
Anyway, it's a fine line between reading advice and receiving support without letting others worries compound your own. I think when we are in a vulnerable state we ought to be selective as to what we expose ourselves to. For instance, if a programme is to be shown on TV about a subject that I know will upset or worry me, I just don't see the point in watching it. Professionals may say we should be able to watch or read anything without it affecting us but I find I'm not strong enough to be able to do that.
This is one reason why I admire nurses and othrs in caring professions so much. I know I just couldn't do their jobs because it would simply hurt too much to see such suffering and to lose patients. It's an ironic thing to say but I actually enjoyed working in a hospital. Best job I've ever had but at least in my role I could keep distant from the emotions that nurses and doctors are daily exposed to. I wish I could be stronger though because I have very vivid memories of all those I've cared about that I have lost.
Sorry, I'm waffling!:blush:
One other problem about suffering from anxiety is that we tend to look for reassurance which means searching the Net for answers which more often than not just fuels our anxiety. In the same way, sometimes by constantly reading about anxiety, it makes us focus on our own anxiety because we end up constantly "thinking" about how anxious we're feeling. One of the best ways to deal with anxiety though is to try and "forget" about our anxiety because focussing on anxious symptoms makes our anxiety feel worse.
As I say, it's a fine line. You see, some people "could" say that reading posts on nmp makes them feel worse but if we use NMP in the "right" way and use what we read in a "positive" way by learning from what we read together with using the comfort and more secure feeling we receive from others who understand us, I feel NMP is an enormous help and we all owe Nic and Alex a huge debt of gratitude for creating NMP and all theirs and their teams hardwork they've put into it.
When I look through the threads, I must admit I never look at the health anxiety or symptoms sections for 2 reasons. One that I don't want to fill my mind with health worries and secondly because I feel any help I could provide would be by repeating the same thing whereas ifor example n the general anxiety section peoples problems can be much more varied.
I would say to you Joellie, to try to remember your boundaries and remember to use what you do read in a "positive" light, and enjoy the comfort and support you receive from others on here because I have never know more lovelier people than those I've been lucky enough to come to know on here.
Moving on...MissChampers:hugs:...Confidence! Yes, I feel confidence is most probably the route cause to virtually everyones anxiety because without confidence, we have no belief in ourselves. This is why it is So Important to find ways to build confidence. Sometimes we attempt too much all in one go and when we fail, it just destroys what little confidence we had. To build confidence, we have to attempt things in "small steps" because with each hurdle we jump, our confidence "gradually" builds. For instance, if we feel trapped in our home, we need to work on the "right thinking" Before we step out the door then just step a short way from home befor attempting further. If we attempted a marathon straightaway we'd do more harm than good.
If a footballer walks up to take a penalty with doubts in his mind as to where to place the ball or how hard to hit it, he is more likely to miss. if he has no self belief or self confidence, he is also more likely to miss. If he thinks about the consequences of missing that the rewards of scoring, again he is more likely to miss.
We need to remember that if we live in doubt, have no self belief or self confidence and we constantly think about the consequences of "messing up", we are much more likely to fall into anxiety's hand because it thrives on fear.
I had to go to the dentists again! today. The 5th time in as many weeks for a crown and a filling. I must admit that I felt more anxious than usual because of everything that's going on at home but I knew if I kept thinking about being anxious, the more anxious I'd feel so every time I felt my stomach tighten, I focussed on relaxing it. Every time I thought about where I was and what was happening, I closed my eyes and took my mind to somewhere nice. At times I did nearly fall asleep again!
We all need to build our confidence and "believe in ourselves" if we're to learn to cope with anxiety but also as you said Joellie, we must also remember not to focus on our anxiety because that's exactly what it wants us to do so it can control us.:hugs:
Ah i dont think i could be a nurse either! I did consider going to uni (next year) to do midwifery but i decided being a teacher would be more suited to me lol And at one point i wanted to be a social worker but with my emotional state(even when im not depressed/anxious) lol
I do feel bad though, because i admit i dont always put people first. If i dont feel happy myself i dont think id be much good for anyone else but i do try and give advice if i can :)
If i dont feel happy myself i dont think id be much good for anyone else
That's when I go quiet because I withdraw into a shell. Not a good thing to do really but sometimes things just get on top of you so much that you just want to shut everything out.:hugs:
I've read this post a few times and it helps I must admit..
But It's only been able to calm me for like a few hours then I'm worrying again.
I'm at a stage where I can worry non stop..think nothing else but worry so much so I can't think about normal stuff like tv ect..
Is there a way to let go of this worry? Right now the quote "if you're going mad nobody knows" won't relax me as I think well maybe I will go mad and people will eventually notice? I can never be 100% sure that's the issue..
As I'm sure you're aware, there is a saying that says "Worrying will only make you feel ill" so the only thing I can suggest is what I do and that is if something starts to worry me, I make sure I find something of "compelling" interest to stop my mind focusing on the worry because once you break the cycle, the anxious feelings stop too and you then feel relaxed.
I think worrying is either a symptom of feeling overstressed by having too much to think about OR through boredom by having too little to think about.
TV isn't sufficient to stop us worrying because often it isn't stimulating our minds enough. Sometimes playing videgames can help because the mind has to concentrate if you want to win. Sitting, thinking, will always open the mind to worrying. To break the cycle you either have to learn meditation or a relaxation technique to train the mind or better still find something enjoyable that is complicated enough to keep the mind from thinking about anything else.
I know when we feel anxious it can feel impossible to break free but if you find something and dive into it so that your mind is distracted enough, the worry cycle is then broken and you begin to feel better.:)
Something I was advised to do some years ago by a very good counsellor was to set a time limit on worrying. When you reach the time limit that you've set yourself (e.g. an hour), then you *have* to do something else that blocks it out, whether it's work that needs concentrating, or exercise, or whatever.
I actually had the worst night ever all due to "worry".
I have very little to worry over but last night I came on here twice I was so desperate feeling I was going crazy..feel awful today due to lack of sleep. Maybe I'm worried about my anxiety symptoms really? They have felt so bad coping has been hard as they are so uncomfortable.
It's been an issue but underlying so much so it's been clear in the last few weeks when It's alost stopped me going out..and it turned out the pre worry was all the anxiety I had as I was fine when I went out..problem is I live in "fear" before I do anything, my nerves are like pins right now..I'e worked myself into such a state I have been trembling with worry..so sure I was crazy. Has to be anxiety at it's worst my head keeps it going as back to my fear my head says "You are experiencing this severe anxiety as part of a serious health issue" due to my googling I read some illnesses have anxiety as a symptom..so therefore I struggle to say I have an anxiety disorder..
Only thing that cut my worry down before was stop asking for reassurance and eventually taking to distraction which is hard because for weeks on end I will worry, non stop and feel the need to...to keep me safe..It's almost like reading all the posts feeds my mind with more thoughts of worry, symptoms that I know too much about anxiety...:ohmy:
But I've had a few disappointments and found it hard to adapt from teenage to adult life in my 20's that's been a bit of a trigger for more anxiety. I find it hard to cope..and I admit I have tried different anxiety reliefs and gave up after once or twice..as I'm unable to find one that I can use all the time..
But yes "worrying" became a big symptom for me last night..I couldn't get my head round why I was worrying over nothing other than that symptom and case I went insane..but thinking about anything anxiously makes me this way. I'm in a 24/7 rut where I can't break the worry pattern..I feel if I can drop alot of the worry it will help me cope and recover.
Just to add the level of worry I had last night was close to "trauma" feelings or something more awful that stressed me but it was actually self controlled by anxiety..lots of adrenaline too if anybody else can relate to this? :shrug:
Phil, you really need to get into using distraction. Sometimes it's the only way out of this. I know only too well from my won experiences that if I let myself vanish up my own backside, then I will. Only I can distract myself and get myself out of worry.
You're right though, worry becomes "safe" as we get used to doing it. It's a crap safety blanket though!!!
wow you are a great man (bill)
Phil, you really need to get into using distraction. Sometimes it's the only way out of this. I know only too well from my won experiences that if I let myself vanish up my own backside, then I will. Only I can distract myself and get myself out of worry.
You're right though, worry becomes "safe" as we get used to doing it. It's a crap safety blanket though!!!
I'm really struggling right now.
I duno how I can get a sleep tonight..I feel so spaced out/strange and I'm now worried about tumours.
All I can see is doctors in my head but I know even if I went a day later I'd be worrying again. :weep:
Maybe I'm worried about my anxiety symptoms really?
"You are experiencing this severe anxiety as part of a serious health issue" due to my googling
I read some illnesses have anxiety as a symptom..so therefore I struggle to say I have an anxiety disorder..
Sounds like you're caught up in the anxiety cycle which is making you focus constantly on how you're feeling. Any sensation you have, immediately starts you worrying so then, by the sound of it, you've been googling the symptoms which then fuels your worrying even more until you trembling with fear causing more symptoms and more worries and so on...
I think you need to practise saying to yourself "This symptom is NORMAL" then turn your mind to something that's fun such as playing an online game or any other interest you might enjoy, and try to forget your feelings because once you learn to forget them, they then forget you.
At the moment, you're just too absorbed in worrying about every sensation you get when you need to learn how to ignore them by reminding yourself they're a perfectly normal reaction to worry.
Practise...it takes time but you need to make a start as I'm sure you don't want to be worrying about worrying forever.:winks:
Oh, by the way...I was the same as you at your age and people say I'm "normal" (HA) so then you must be too!:)
Scotty...:blush:!!! Not sure about that!...but thank you!:)
Hope no-one minds me bumping, found this thread as I was searching for some info to cope with the incessant worrying I seem to be doing at the mo. Some really helpful posts in here by Bill.
I am on day 13 of Citalopram and have mega anxiety, wake up at 6am and can't shift the stomach churning, so by the time I get to work, I feel awful. I hope it kicks in soon, I know I have to give it time but its so exhausting every morning, I have all that time to worry and I just make myself worse. I worry that the tablets won't work and I won't feel any better. I have to start thinking positive! Seeing my GP tomorrow, hoping she will give me some hope and light at the end of the tunnel.
I think you need to ask yourself some questions...
Do you enjoy your job?
How do you feel when you're at work?
What are you afraid of?
What do you go to bed worrying about?
Worry and anxiety can be caused by different factors or a combination of things so before we can help ourselves get better, we need to know what the underlying causes are and only then can we attempt to find ways to ease our worries.
Remember, meds can help us feel better but they can't stop us worrying about the issues that are frightening us so they can only do so much to keep us going.:hugs:
I think you need to ask yourself some questions...
Do you enjoy your job?
How do you feel when you're at work?
What are you afraid of?
What do you go to bed worrying about?
Worry and anxiety can be caused by different factors or a combination of things so before we can help ourselves get better, we need to know what the underlying causes are and only then can we attempt to find ways to ease our worries.
Remember, meds can help us feel better but they can't stop us worrying about the issues that are frightening us so they can only do so much to keep us going.:hugs:
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I don't mind my job, I have a part-time, relatively stress free job, so nothing to worry about when I am actually there, though I do find it a bit unfulfilling and not very busy which never bothered me before I got anxiety but now it does, I need to be more distracted when I am here, but the job isn't busy enough, so hopefully, when I am feeling a lot more able to cope further down the road, I will look at possibly changing my job. I do worry when I get to work that I won't be busy enough and the anxiety will take over.
As for what am I afraid of. Taking that first Citalopram took a lot of nerve. The past 2 weeks, I have been anxious every day, since taking the Citalopram so I am totally exhausted and not feeling very positive, as its not working yet, though I know this med takes time. This is where all the anxiety stems from I think, "will it work?". Only time I feel calm, is early evening onwards, I am so exhausted from the anxiety that I start to drift off to sleep during the evening. Waking at 5am or 6am every morning for the past 2 weeks, has left me exhausted, its not a good start to my day.
Saw my GP this morning, feel a bit better after talking to her. She wants me to give the Citalopram 4 weeks (its been 2 so far), she said it releases energy and improves the mood, but the former happens first, so that will agitate my anxiety to begin with. She also said waking really early is a sign of the depression. She wants me to go back in 2 weeks to see how I am going with it.
I have been going to counselling since all this started (about 3 months ago), so doing everything I can to get to the bottom of why this anxiety started.
Thank you for answering those questions. I'm just trying to piece things together.:hugs:
These are my thoughts on what I've read about you...
I have a part-time, relatively stress free job, so nothing to worry about when I am actually there, though I do find it a bit unfulfilling and not very busy
Often when we're in a really stressful hectic job with alot of pressure, the pressure can gradually build up without us being aware until panics result making us think we're ill when it's just a symptom of being too stressed. However, from what you've told me, this doesn't apply or at least not in your present circumstances. What is happening partly though is what I call "boredom stress". You have too much to "think". It means we are constantly aware of our surroundings and then focus on our feelings and worries, hence...I do worry when I get to work that I won't be busy enough and the anxiety will take over. I'll elaborate more shortly..
As for what am I afraid of. Taking that first Citalopram took a lot of nerve. The past 2 weeks, I have been anxious every day, since taking the Citalopram so I am totally exhausted and not feeling very positive, as its not working yet, though I know this med takes time. This is where all the anxiety stems from I think, "will it work?".
I don't actually think your anxiety stems from the above. I think it just adds to your worries.
I've also copied parts from another post you've typed as it helps to explain things...
My situation.
10 weeks ago, I got the panic attack from hell, doc put me on 1 x 2.5mg Olanzapine, they calm down irrational thoughts in the brain. They are helping with the anxiety'panic episodes.
You don't say where this panic occurred but I feel this is actually the source of your recent anxiety. Wherever it occurred, it frightened you and this fear has made you feel vulnerable with "what if' it happens again which is why you're so anxious before and at work.
Waking at 5am or 6am every morning for the past 2 weeks, has left me exhausted, its not a good start to my day.
I feel that before you go to sleep, your subconscious is still thinking about the "ordeal" you've been through during the day and because you're in a high anxiety state, you don't sleep properly. There is also the possibility that the meds can cause restless nights through side-effects.
As soon as you wake, your mind is already thinking about the "ordeal" of getting through the next day at work so that by the time you reach work you're already worrying and feeling anxious because of your fear of "what if" another panic attack occurs at work.
When we suffer panics, we need to feel "safe" and the place we feel safe is at home. When we go to work we feel we're moving out of our safety zone and therefore we feel vulnerable and this causes us to feel anxious, and then this anxious feeling adds to the worry of suffering a panic at work.
Also then, once we're at work, if we get too stressed OR if we don't have enough to do, our minds will focus on our feelings even more which then focuses all our attention on our anxiety. Once this happens, we then start producing panics through our own worries.
Only time I feel calm, is early evening onwards, I am so exhausted from the anxiety that I start to drift off to sleep during the evening.
Once we're home, we feel safe again. Our ordeal is over!...and we relax!...which then means we drift off to sleep too early because the day has been so exhausting because of all our worry and fear. Nervous exhaustion of constantly fighting off worries and feelings.
This then leads to...
I have felt really low on some days, can't put my finger on it, I am content with my life, just not content with being this anxious person. Am I just fed up of being anxious or am I mildly depressed? I wasn't depressed before I got anxious.
Our daily battles grind us down and that's why we start suffering from a "depressed state" rather than depression. If you could feel relaxed 24hrs a day I bet you wouldn't feel depressed!:winks:
Well...that's what I think is happening and the tricky bit is how to learn to keep relaxed...
Something to think about...you feel safe and relaxed at Home so therefore if you could learn to treat your workplace as a "second home" your mind would then learn to not be afraid while you're there and it also then wouldn't feel like an ordeal to get through.
I think also you need to learn a relaxation technique by learning how to keep all your muscles relaxed.
One important point to remember, is that ALL you're experiencing is being created by your OWN thoughts. For example, before you go to work you're "worrying" about getting through the "ordeal" because you're "afraid" and think to yourself "what if" I "panic" whereas once you get home, you're thinking to yourself the ordeal is over and therefore you have nothing more to fear...and you relax!
Therefore, this shows the "cure" is within YOU...not meds. Just how you approach each day.
When you can wake up looking forward or treat goin to work as just a home from home, your day wouldn't feel like an ordeal because your fear would be gone.
I realise it's far from easy to achieve but I just want to show you how powerful our minds are. All our symptoms are created by our minds thoughts no matter how bad they feel.
Try remember...
To learn how to relax.
Don't fight against feelings but ignore them.
Don't dwell or focus on feelings.
When possible, focus your mind on interesting or complex things.
Try to think of your workplace as home from home to help you feel more secure.
I'm not sure how much that helps but I hope it might explain things a little providing my assumptions of your situation are right.:hugs:
Hope no one minds but I thought this might be worth bringing back to the fore in the hope it might help others.
The reason is because I feel sometimes anxiety can deceive us into making us "feel" ill which then sends us on a search for a cure that actually already exists within us.
Speaking especially about General Anxiety, anxiety means Worry. Worry is created by Fear. Fear is caused by a Lack of Confidence. When you then add sensitivity, everything around us can then impact on us creating a constant cycle of worrying.
Therefore, how not to worry is what we're really trying to cure.
However, can we really ever stop worrying when it's part of our nature?
I don't think we can but we can still learn how not to let worry control our lives so that we can enjoy ourselves.
Anyway, I think there's enough reading in the above. I just hope it's of help.:hugs:
:bighug1:Welcome back Bill xxx
Petra:Dxxx
Glad your posting again Bill. Long time no hear!!
Bill I feel at the beginning it is useful to try and find reasons why you feel anxious or worry. Once you have discovered its this or that I feel it is important that you learn how to cope with your new friend.
I use the phrase friend, I feel it is useful as we all run away from anxiety. I wonder what most of us would be like without our anxiety? I feel it is part of who we are, our character, our personality. The problem is that when we fight the anxiety and assume that nobody else has anxiety and that it is a weakness, we then start the fight against our personality. The problem is we never win. When we accept that we are just anxious types of people we can start to learn to live again knowing that the anxiety may cause symptoms now and again.
Whenever we try to rid ourselves of anxiety we create symptoms. Allowing the anxiety to just be is the fundamental difference with people who seem symptomless.
Remember anxiety if left alone will protect us, It will make us live longer as we are more sensitive to our bodies signals.
Give your new found friend a break and lets begin to live and accept our friend.
More food for thought.
Thanks for the thought provoking thread Bill.
Mee
I thought I'd bump this thread up in the hope it might help others.
Thanks Bill
Lots will know you on NMP, some will not because they are new.
I just wanted to say what a lovely man you are :hugs::hugs::hugs:
Thanks Magic:hugs:,
I just enjoy trying to help because I know how ill anxiety can make us feel and I don't like people suffering, that's all.:hugs:
very well said bill. its so true:hugs::hugs:
Hello princess:hugs:,
Just to say it's lovely to see you're still around.:hugs:
hi bill
glad to see that you are still around also. i hope all is well with you :hugs::hugs:
Hello princess:hugs:
Better than things were after the losses although still a little nervous. I am feeling a little more optimistic about the future though because it feels things might be beginning to fall into place but there are still things I need to work on. One thing that is certain though is that while there are people around like you, there is always hope for all of us.:hugs:
hi bill
glad things are getting better for you. you deserve it. you are such and kind and caring person. have helped lots of people and never thought of yourself. again glad things are turning for the better. things havent been too bad for me anxiety is alot better i get my setbacks but nothing to complain about :hugs::hugs::hugs:
things havent been too bad for me anxiety is alot better i get my setbacks but nothing to complain about
Some may say they would prefer to never feel anxious but in reality as feeling anxious at times is perfectly natural, I think that's the best we can realistically hope for so I'm really pleased that things are alot better for you. You're proof to anyone who is struggling that anxiety can be overcome so you should never give up on hope.
Thank you for your kindness princess. You're as lovely as ever!:hugs:
Thinking of you,my friend.I do wish you will come back and right your words of wisdom,I do know that quite a few of us here MISS YOU.:bighug1:
Love Petra xx:bighug1:
Hi Bill,
You are obviously a valued senior member with some fantastic insights.
I totally agree with the simple fact that if we give up our attempts to control the way we feel, and just accept that we feel them for now then we are half way there. Simply put, we need to not worry about how we feel.
I find it not possible to like anxiety, but I believe it is possible to live with it, demoting it to less importance than living normally.
Distraction helps, but in retirement this has been rather hard for me. Work has helped me recover in the past. Without this distraction it can become obsessional trying to fill the day. I need to learn to be better skilled at slowing down and being OK with free time.
The hard bit for me is keeping going, at a slower pace, with normal activities, despite the feelings and associated thoughts. Doing things that I used to enjoy, even if they feel like an effort now.
But although I have read, and learned so much with CBT etc and have managed without medication ( I did try them), I think we should keep it simple. If I stopped worrying about anxiety... I would recover.
It's so hard keeping that in mind when the mind starts spinning!
Phil
"If I stopped worrying about anxiety... I would recover.
It's so hard keeping that in mind when the mind starts spinning!"
I know I'm probably far too late replying to your post but what you've said at the end is basically it. Anxiety is fuelled by worry. If you try telling yourself Not to worry and to relax, you're still fuelling it because you're focusing on it. If you say to yourself to block out worries, it's the same result because resisting worrying thoughts creates tension which leads to stress causing more anxiety.
You end up with a cycle created by stress. When you're feeling stressed, your mind will start focusing on your symptoms. Focusing on these symptoms will create more worries which then intensify the symptoms and so on until your "mind starts spinning".
Therefore, the cycle has to be nipped in the bud before you start spiralling. As I mentioned, we can't stop anxiety by giving it attention of Any kind such as trying to block it or telling ourselves to relax because either way of attempting to fight against it will create tension, and stress and worry are the underlying causes of anxiety.
In the past I often used the example of blinking. For instance, can you tell yourself when to blink? It's something that we do naturally without thinking about it. In the same way, if we try to control anxiety, we're attempting to block something that is a natural reaction to stress just as blinking is a natural process.
The difference between blinking and anxiety though is that blinking doesn't frighten us but the symptoms that anxiety cause do because they make us worry that we're ill which then creates the fear of feeling fear.
Earlier on this thread I've said about the lion. If we saw a lion we would feel stressed and just run without even thinking about what's worrying us. It's just a natural reaction because a lion represents something we've learnt to be afraid of.
These days the lion will surface in many other forms. The lion can be in the workplace when our workload is too much or in the supermarket when we feel trapped due to stress because we feel we have nowhere to run.
My feelings are that medications, finding something distract yourself or using relaxation techniques can all help but the best way of preventing the cycle is to treat like blinking. In other words, when it starts, try to ignore it and concentrate on what you want to do rather than how you're feeling.
Remember, the more attention you give it, the more it will control you rather than you controlling it.
For instance, imagine being in a house, on your own with no lights and
suddenly a ghost appears. You see the ghost and perhaps you scream and suffer an enormous panic attack. You run out of the house and every time you try to go back in, your fear prevents you. Even when you do manage to go back in, you still end up with anxiety even though you don't see the ghost but the ghost has created a fear which causes you to worry. Supposing though that the ghost did reappear and instead of running, you stood your ground. What would the ghost actually do? What could it do? It's only power is Your fear You have of it. Therefore if you just ignored it, it would melt away because you will have taken it's power away.
If you think of the ghost as anxiety and learn to treat anxiety in the same way, it always melts away too.
We can't stop ourselves worrying. I think we just tend to worry more than others to the extent that the worrying gets of control but I also feel there are many factors in our make up that causes us to worry so much such as lack of confidence, being sensitive, suffering a bad experience etc. but what I would say is anxiety need not control our lives because we can learn to find enjoyment in living if we allow ourselves to learn to ignore our fears. If you reach a ravine with just a wobbly wooden bridge to cross, we can either stand there worrying about it or we can learn how to cross it.
The next time you feel anxious, think deeply and ask yourself what it is you're afraid of. There's always a worry that creates your anxiety because anxiety is created by something that's frightening you and then work on tackling whatever it is that's causing your stress, find a way of reducing your stress and focus on finding things you enjoy doing that will stop you dwelling on your fears, and try to learn to ignore anxiety by learning not to fear it because it's something that's a perfectly natural reaction to something that's stressing us that's causing us to feel afraid such as the fear of feeling fear. Fear feeds on fear so the more you focus on it, the more ill you'll feel. Try to find something you enjoy and focus All your attentions on that.
Hope that helps.
Hello Bill:D
How wonderful it is to read your words again,you have been missed.
Love Petra x
xBettyBoopx
23-03-15, 02:04
Hi Bill
We've missed you :):)
http://secretsofatwentysomething.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/welcome-back.png:D:D:D
Just to say thank you and that it's lovely to have been missed. It's one thing about anxiety. We may not like it but there are some lovely people who suffer from it, just as you've always proved.:hugs:
In the hope this is of help to someone.
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