Ive just split up with my husband over my anxiety

[sarah jayne]

As i write this i am in tears and i really dont know what to do. I only got married in july but ive just given my husband his rings back as i cant carry on like this. Since our wedding ive been ill, i got food poisoning on our wedding day and was in hospital for a week, i didnt eat for a further 3 wks and my depression started again. Ive had a headache for nearly 6 wks and my husband seemed to care at first but now seems bored. Its his day off work today and ive spent the morning in tears, hes just ignored me and watched tv. I feel so hurt, i just dont know what to do. i asked him if he wanted to split up and he ignored me so i gave him his rings back. He wasnt bothered and has gone outside for a fag. My children will be upset but i cant stay with someone who treats me this way. Ive got no real friends left because of my anxiety so ive got nobby to talk to. Can anyone give me advice...

[sb001f8994]

Hi Sarah Jayne,
Im sorry you feel this is the only way for you. Ive split up seven times from my hubby because I couldnt cope with him not being supportive. He was never there for me, in fact he quite enjoyed me staying in as he always knew where I was and he lived a single life. But things changed about four years ago, Id had enough of anxiety ruling my life so I decided to try and do something and get my life back. My hubby was shocked to say the least! He now wants to help but I dont think of him as my 'safe' person and cant put my trust fully in him but we are getting there. We have been together 26 years so my on/off agoraphobia was nothing new to him and as I say he enjoyed his life with his golfy mates and doing as he pleased. He does not like it that Im getting out a bit and he has now become insecure, which I have to say I am quite enjoying (horrible I know!).
Have you always been anxious? Did your partner know this before you got married? If he did then he loved you enough to marry you and wanted to be with you regardless. Is he maybe a bit depressed or worried about something and thats why he is ignoring you? I think you need to talk about whats best here, he may be really hurt you have given him your rings back.
I hope you can work things out, not just for your kids but for you, its horrible not knowing what the other is thinking.
Take care,
Carol x

[sarah jayne]

Thanks for your reply. Yes my husband knew i suffered from anxiety before we got married. I started with all this after my youngest child was born 2 years ago ( i had postnatal depression). He has been really supportive until recently but now i think hes got sick of me. We used to be so close, thats why it hurts so much because he was just my husband but also my best friend. I could tell him anything, i used to feel so close to him. Hes actually the only person who knows about my anxiety and depression. I dont know how im going to cope on my own. I hope that i can be like you and stop anxiety ruling my life. I tried to talk to him this morning but he told me to go away, i asked him if he wanted us to split up and he ignored me, thats why i gave him his rings back..

[Joellie]

Well maybe a cooling off period is needed. Write him a letter explaining why you gave the rings back and that you didnt want this to happen but you feel he isnt being supportive. That way he can read it and reflect on his own.

I hope things get better, My boyfriends been with me since before i got depression last year and now ive got severe anxiety and GAD and he is so supportive. I think its hard for parteners too but at the end of the day you need to be happy with a decision like this. You married him and he should be reminded of the "And in sickness and in health" part of his vows.

[randomworry]

sarahjayne I am so sorry to hear this...........anxiety definately has an impact on relationships. im 25 and have realised this......it makes me isolated from my family. Although they try and help but ended shouting at me............things like 'cant you see its just your OCD!'
Hope you dont fully split up from your husband, perhaps try and not speak about your problems so much to him thats what im trying to do although its so hard because i cant tell my friends who seemingly have no problems at all!
perhaps get a councillor you can talk to.

best wishes to you

[PanicOver!!]

Hi

Sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment
i can retate to having a non supportive partner you really must find someone you can talk to ie councellor, friend, family member or a pal on here im sure then you will save your marriage

best wishes x

[peggy27]

Big hugs hunny, you know you arent on your own here.:hugs:
I really feel for you, and hope you can try to talk to your hubby. Maybe you just need a wee cool off, and time to gather your thoughts. Try and talk to someone together? A family member? Hope you sort it out
Px

[PixieL]

Hi Sarah Jane, so sorry to hear about your problems hon, maybe you just need some time apart. It can be awful to have someone your supposed to be able to rely on who then seems not to care. have you thought about realtionship therapy? it might help both of you to talk about things. Hope everything works out ok for you in the end. xxxxx

[Kabuki]

Hi Sarah Jayne, I can really relate because I've been there and am there. I've had anxiety for 16 years now and when I was engaged 11 years ago, I also thought that my partner was not supportive. Looking back, I have to admit that maybe I was expecting too much from him. Anxiety is not easy for our partners to handle either. He's been with you for some time, he didn't leave you, and that shows that he loves you and is willing to try. He also married you knowing what the situation is. He doesn't seem to be looking for something easy. It's impossible to comment without knowing more but from the bit you've stated it seems like your reaction is to a behaviour that is relatively recent. Maybe even isolated. Is it possible that your reaction is being shaped by your anxiety and nervousness?
My current husband has made me very upset for his seeming lack of understanding and there have been 3 seperate occasions (and I just got married in May) when I wanted to give him back his ring and tell him off. I didn't do it because I know now that I can be overly emotional when I am anxious and in fact when the fight has passed I'm very happy I didn't act.
I know that it may be hard, but you should go ask for the ring back and apologise, explaining that you were acting on emotions but that you would like to talk about what is happening. Maybe you can't talk about it right now because you're both upset, but promise eachother to talk tomorrow or as soon as possible.
My ex and I didn't work out because in the end he really wasn't able to deal with the anxiety and it is better for both of us that we didn't get married. I couldn't believe it at the time, but my world didn't end and I actually even found other people who wanted to date me and eventually even marry me. My husband wanted to marry me, as did yours, but they are not perfect. They put up with alot from us and we have to cut them some slack as well.
BTW, you can send me this post back next time I write on here that I want to leave my hubby because he's a big jerk:roflmao:

[Bill]

It may be that he didn't become bored but instead frustrated that he felt unable to help you so he gave up trying. When you handed the rings back, it could be that it compounded his feelings making him feel very hurt which is why he is reacting as he is towards you.

I feel that perhaps if you remind him how much you love him, explain to him why you handed the rings back, try to talk to him about your anxiety, why you're feeling as you are and let him help you, he will open up to you because I'm sure under the surface he still loves you very much. I think you are Both feeling very hurt for different reasons and "making up" will resolve things.

Generally speaking, it saddens me very much when I hear of partners walking out on anxiety sufferers when I have been married to my wife for 19 years with her severe mental illness. If I can cope with her illness, why can't they cope with someone who worries which makes them so caring?:shrug:

[paullong]

Hi there
Just to play devils advocate and a male point of view lol (sorry bill) I cant and wont be in a relationship where my partner didnt care . Unfortunately depression/anxiety is me and part of the package. There are lots of other things that break down relationships and make them not work and this illness joins the list. If the person youre with knew when they entered the relationship this was part of it then surely they cant just become fed up of it.

[anx mum]

Hi sarah really feel for what your going through at mo, as u know with the headaches im going through the same. Alot of people dont understand anxiety what u need is alot of support from ur hubby. My dads exactly the same says pull yourself together if only we could eh. Listen if u wanna talk anytime im here we could try and help eachother. Bev x

[Wee-Mee]

I'm so sorry to hear this petal.

Anziety,depression etc are all very difficult things to deal with and if someone has not experienced it first hand themselves I think they believe that it is easy to "snap out of it" or whatever. I've had my own (un)fair experiences and I have tried talking to friends even in the past and they just tell me I'm over reacting etc. I think you're hubby is maybe just frustrated? That he feels useless as to help you feel better? And now maybe hurt about the rings etc as that may signal fo rhim that you you do not love him anymore when really you love him very much. I think you really need to both talk to each other love.It's so easy to give adivce from the outside though but you'll be in my thoughts and we're always here for you xxx