Lauraa99
23-09-09, 14:43
Hey guys, new to this site so thought I'd drop by and leave a message and try and explain what im going through...
Up until Novemeber 2008 last year I was fine (normal as i say now)
I was in a shopping centre with my dad, browsing and shopping, we decided to go for lunch. I sat down in an indoor cafe and all of a sudden I started panicking, I knew it was a panic attack as ive had a few of them since being bullied at school when I was younger... but this was different, I cudnt stop fidgeting and my heart was getting faster and faster and hurting me physically, I was looking around me and i shouted for the waitress to bring me water (i must have looked a right idiot) ... My dad asked me what was wrong, i cudnt answer him, I just knew i needed to get to the car and out of this place, but my legs were like jelly, i cudnt stand I was shaking so bad and hyperventilating. I asked dad to bring the car to the door of the shopping centre but he didnt as he didnt understand what the rush was. Eventually i grabbed the car keys and I ran to the car myself and laid the front seat back and tried to shut my eyes but it got worse and worse....
Ever since that day in November 2008 my life has been hell! I have never been able to hold a job down since that day, I cant go out shopping with friends or family, I avoid resturants, I cant sleep over at friends houses.. my life is a disaster.
I have seen doctor after doctor, councellor after councellor in a year and not one of them helped me, they say panic is all the mind.. which, i agree but my god if they were in my shoes and feel what i feel when i have a panic attack im sure they wudnt be saying half of this s**t to me. I have every book u can think of do with anxiety... I read them but my physical symptoms r not going away.
I can go out one night a week, locally to my local town with friends, and i get very drunk. I think it relaxes me. Ask me to go bk to town the next day sober.. i cant do it!
I cant stand it anymore, I have cut off everything in my life, if i open the front door i panic and shut it, i cnt even see my friends for an hour in their car or in a coffee shop as i think so negative...
An example of what im feeling, today i was meant to go shopping with 2 friends for a birthday party i have on saturday... They asked me to come with them to Middlesbrough, straight away... my thoughts 's**t what if i cant get out the car coz my legs r like jelly and dont want to walk'.. 'what if when we get to this shopping centre i have the same expreience i did a year ago and need to run out but i cant coz its my friends car and i cant come home when i want to'... 'what if wen i get there.. i feel ok.. but then i walk round and as i start thinking about my anxiety il have a massive panic attack and feel so ill and like im going to faint'
I chickened out of today.. my friends have gone and im stuck at home. I cant even go shopping with them.
I am in serious need of help. I went to the doctors again yesterday, he pt me on more antidepressants but i am not taking them, i dont want to become needy on them and be addicted. I just want this pain in my chest to go. I am fed up of hurting and feeling like every day i am going to die.
Please help xxx:weep:
This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter
Up until Novemeber 2008 last year I was fine (normal as i say now)
I was in a shopping centre with my dad, browsing and shopping, we decided to go for lunch. I sat down in an indoor cafe and all of a sudden I started panicking, I knew it was a panic attack as ive had a few of them since being bullied at school when I was younger... but this was different, I cudnt stop fidgeting and my heart was getting faster and faster and hurting me physically, I was looking around me and i shouted for the waitress to bring me water (i must have looked a right idiot) ... My dad asked me what was wrong, i cudnt answer him, I just knew i needed to get to the car and out of this place, but my legs were like jelly, i cudnt stand I was shaking so bad and hyperventilating. I asked dad to bring the car to the door of the shopping centre but he didnt as he didnt understand what the rush was. Eventually i grabbed the car keys and I ran to the car myself and laid the front seat back and tried to shut my eyes but it got worse and worse....
Ever since that day in November 2008 my life has been hell! I have never been able to hold a job down since that day, I cant go out shopping with friends or family, I avoid resturants, I cant sleep over at friends houses.. my life is a disaster.
I have seen doctor after doctor, councellor after councellor in a year and not one of them helped me, they say panic is all the mind.. which, i agree but my god if they were in my shoes and feel what i feel when i have a panic attack im sure they wudnt be saying half of this s**t to me. I have every book u can think of do with anxiety... I read them but my physical symptoms r not going away.
I can go out one night a week, locally to my local town with friends, and i get very drunk. I think it relaxes me. Ask me to go bk to town the next day sober.. i cant do it!
I cant stand it anymore, I have cut off everything in my life, if i open the front door i panic and shut it, i cnt even see my friends for an hour in their car or in a coffee shop as i think so negative...
An example of what im feeling, today i was meant to go shopping with 2 friends for a birthday party i have on saturday... They asked me to come with them to Middlesbrough, straight away... my thoughts 's**t what if i cant get out the car coz my legs r like jelly and dont want to walk'.. 'what if when we get to this shopping centre i have the same expreience i did a year ago and need to run out but i cant coz its my friends car and i cant come home when i want to'... 'what if wen i get there.. i feel ok.. but then i walk round and as i start thinking about my anxiety il have a massive panic attack and feel so ill and like im going to faint'
I chickened out of today.. my friends have gone and im stuck at home. I cant even go shopping with them.
I am in serious need of help. I went to the doctors again yesterday, he pt me on more antidepressants but i am not taking them, i dont want to become needy on them and be addicted. I just want this pain in my chest to go. I am fed up of hurting and feeling like every day i am going to die.
Please help xxx:weep:
This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter