mum2four
28-10-05, 20:42
I doing ok but I keep waking all of a sudded scared that i have to go checked on my baby. This is not new to me but it hasn't happen in a long time. My baby had asthma and it's all new to me. I keep thinking I wake to find him struggling to breath again like the other morning. The fear is much eaier to over come than before I was on med's but it still interrupting my sleep. I feel like I'm not really asleep some time like I can hear everything going on around me but I cant respond to it. I had this happen 3 year's ago and my partner woke me up and told me I was snorring lol. I couldn't hear my self snoring but I tell him everything he said to me and he was confused. I think the half asleep half awake thing has alway been a protection thing when I'l really scared about my kid's speacial when thay were baby. When thay were real small I was bad at this. Like when I feeding them and would fall sleep while feeding it felt like I was still awake but not able to respond correctly with word's or action untill some thing jump started me like a my hand falling or an intence but short lived fear that something bad was about to happen to my baby.
It's 4:30a I seem to be making a habbit of needing to write about something that has interrupted my sleep latly around this time. I find it hard to go back to sleep when I wake early morning. I start to feel like what's the point i just wake up again soon. That is if my head will turn long enough to let me sleep. I starr to feel like i have to plan my day so go it go's right. Planing any converstation that I may have to have that day if i know I'm seeing or phoning some one. Planing the order of the house work that may have to be done. It's shopping day today as well and I have yet to make a list. I tend to ignore doing house work and making list untill I cant no more because i dread the thinking in side my the argument's i have with my self. Shopping is my hardest thing cause I have this fear if i speand more $200 and ft then something bad will happen. I find it very hard to convince my self that I can speand more then $200 even I know there is so much more I need and money spare to do it with. If I do spend more afterward I feel like the worst person in the world i feel like I have to justify everything i got. I start to wish I didn't get something and get angry for byeing what I wanted to bye that week. The thinking get worse and I get grumpy and snappy when ever my partner ask's what did you get in the shopping or why didn't you get this we really needed this. The last shopping day was a bit better than most I didn't have a lead up fear of byeing the wrong thing's ect and this week has been prety good as well. Normal I'm edgy about food and meal's and shopping for almost the whole time but a fue a days right in the middle of the pay cycle I felt like i was ok everything. This week the fear has been greater because I have extra money to speand on shopping and sceard of everything I might use it for.
I'm gona go try to make a list so I dont forget anything cause we are nearlt out of everything this week.
It's 4:30a I seem to be making a habbit of needing to write about something that has interrupted my sleep latly around this time. I find it hard to go back to sleep when I wake early morning. I start to feel like what's the point i just wake up again soon. That is if my head will turn long enough to let me sleep. I starr to feel like i have to plan my day so go it go's right. Planing any converstation that I may have to have that day if i know I'm seeing or phoning some one. Planing the order of the house work that may have to be done. It's shopping day today as well and I have yet to make a list. I tend to ignore doing house work and making list untill I cant no more because i dread the thinking in side my the argument's i have with my self. Shopping is my hardest thing cause I have this fear if i speand more $200 and ft then something bad will happen. I find it very hard to convince my self that I can speand more then $200 even I know there is so much more I need and money spare to do it with. If I do spend more afterward I feel like the worst person in the world i feel like I have to justify everything i got. I start to wish I didn't get something and get angry for byeing what I wanted to bye that week. The thinking get worse and I get grumpy and snappy when ever my partner ask's what did you get in the shopping or why didn't you get this we really needed this. The last shopping day was a bit better than most I didn't have a lead up fear of byeing the wrong thing's ect and this week has been prety good as well. Normal I'm edgy about food and meal's and shopping for almost the whole time but a fue a days right in the middle of the pay cycle I felt like i was ok everything. This week the fear has been greater because I have extra money to speand on shopping and sceard of everything I might use it for.
I'm gona go try to make a list so I dont forget anything cause we are nearlt out of everything this week.