mum2four
29-10-05, 10:11
I been on this site for a about a month now and I really starting to understand my whole life with the help of Luvox and the site. Since starting on Luvox I've had feeling's of as if almost everything that happened befor starting luvox was a dream or not real no longer made sence to me anymore. I've been slowly working threw each feeling and finaly finding name's for have experianced all my life. You may be sick of by now with all the post i have made but it help to write down where I know some one will read it even if i dont get answer.
I read in many post about DP/DR and got curious and went hunting for info on the net about. I i finaly feel like i have an name for my feeling's. Ever since I can remember I would get tunnel vission and would feel likei slowly going inside my self trying to find a safe place to hide but I never found it. In stead I would end up make a quick exit as soon i could get out with little interferance and little conflict. While I had this tunnel vision and other feeling like feeling invisable I would also being having spike's that would trigger the anxiety to get worse. lI felt like so horrable alian eperimant cause i couldn't act like everyone els around me. The only time I could feel anything at all was when I was hyer or hurting myself and even then I didn't feel like it hurt the way it should. When I realy made a effort to change stop my self harming The screaming would get worse inside my head.
Back to the DP/DR To everyone around me thay would just see my spaced out look as a sign of anything but what it really was. Thay would keep yelling at me to snap out of it ect and expect me be happy about it. My most recent time of tunnel vission was just the other day while trying to push threw my fear and anxiety of being in a group in a very public place that already held the memory's of past panic attack's. The people around me were very good at dealing with me which is good cause the when i get like that one wrong word will kick my panic into over drive and will either go further inside till i scare my self so much i can no longer sit there a deal with it and thats when I just walk as far i can as long I have to with out stopping till i feel like I can be apart of the world again. I'v been known to walk for hour's i normaly head for a playground i feel safe in play ground and will sit and just think for hour's there about what just happen and why ect. When I'm home with the kids I tend to leave my key and phone inside if i ever feel like i need to excape the caotic mess that life has often looked like from my perspective when i get anxious. If I dont have my key I cant focus on them and there for the intence need to run will simmer down so I can go back inside. Same with if i donttake my phone I will less likly to phone or sms the person that my anxiety is at that time causing my head to scream at me. While I'm in this tunnel vision I have know to tap and focus very intencly on a small spect of dirt ect i often tend to focus on ant's thinking about Thay manage to live in wourld that is so big to them. At that moment in time i feel as small as ant and i fell like i'm being walk over just like those timy ant's.
As a teen I would put my head phones on turn the music up loud and sit non the curb of the road and just stare at the gutter. I really dont know how long I would sit there for but it felt like hour's to me. if anyone came near me i would run away further and sit down and hope thay would come near me again. If thay keep coming after me and I felt like I was about to leave my safty net i would become clotraphobic and become extreamly angry at the person to try to get the back of and leave me alone.
There have been fue bad experiance with this tunnel vission. Once when i was meant to be sitting my phisic's exam at school at age 17y. Can remember I was sitting at my desk with my exam thinking How i couldn't posible do the question on the exam cause i had not even done the work in class cause the teacher keeped telling to stopp sking stupid question that i really felt I ne
I read in many post about DP/DR and got curious and went hunting for info on the net about. I i finaly feel like i have an name for my feeling's. Ever since I can remember I would get tunnel vission and would feel likei slowly going inside my self trying to find a safe place to hide but I never found it. In stead I would end up make a quick exit as soon i could get out with little interferance and little conflict. While I had this tunnel vision and other feeling like feeling invisable I would also being having spike's that would trigger the anxiety to get worse. lI felt like so horrable alian eperimant cause i couldn't act like everyone els around me. The only time I could feel anything at all was when I was hyer or hurting myself and even then I didn't feel like it hurt the way it should. When I realy made a effort to change stop my self harming The screaming would get worse inside my head.
Back to the DP/DR To everyone around me thay would just see my spaced out look as a sign of anything but what it really was. Thay would keep yelling at me to snap out of it ect and expect me be happy about it. My most recent time of tunnel vission was just the other day while trying to push threw my fear and anxiety of being in a group in a very public place that already held the memory's of past panic attack's. The people around me were very good at dealing with me which is good cause the when i get like that one wrong word will kick my panic into over drive and will either go further inside till i scare my self so much i can no longer sit there a deal with it and thats when I just walk as far i can as long I have to with out stopping till i feel like I can be apart of the world again. I'v been known to walk for hour's i normaly head for a playground i feel safe in play ground and will sit and just think for hour's there about what just happen and why ect. When I'm home with the kids I tend to leave my key and phone inside if i ever feel like i need to excape the caotic mess that life has often looked like from my perspective when i get anxious. If I dont have my key I cant focus on them and there for the intence need to run will simmer down so I can go back inside. Same with if i donttake my phone I will less likly to phone or sms the person that my anxiety is at that time causing my head to scream at me. While I'm in this tunnel vision I have know to tap and focus very intencly on a small spect of dirt ect i often tend to focus on ant's thinking about Thay manage to live in wourld that is so big to them. At that moment in time i feel as small as ant and i fell like i'm being walk over just like those timy ant's.
As a teen I would put my head phones on turn the music up loud and sit non the curb of the road and just stare at the gutter. I really dont know how long I would sit there for but it felt like hour's to me. if anyone came near me i would run away further and sit down and hope thay would come near me again. If thay keep coming after me and I felt like I was about to leave my safty net i would become clotraphobic and become extreamly angry at the person to try to get the back of and leave me alone.
There have been fue bad experiance with this tunnel vission. Once when i was meant to be sitting my phisic's exam at school at age 17y. Can remember I was sitting at my desk with my exam thinking How i couldn't posible do the question on the exam cause i had not even done the work in class cause the teacher keeped telling to stopp sking stupid question that i really felt I ne