Feel alone

[yorkylover]

I feel so down today,anxious depressed and lonely.

My brother as some of you know is bipolar and an alcoholic.On Wednesday he got blind drunk while he was staying with me and my parents,he went out at 11.00am and was in the pub all day,as I saw him when I went to work at 5.30 pm.He embarrased me by coming to where I work and asking to see me,and then my parents came to collect him and he verbally abused them in the village.Once my dad got him into the car,my brother started to punch my dad while he was driving.

We sent him back to his flat,where he kept calling and abusing us over the phone.

My dad reported what he had done to my brothers social worker,he is already being threatend with eviction from his flat.

Last night he txt me to say in so many words he was taking an overdose,not the first time,so used to that.Dad called the police to let them know,and they were already aware of the situation.He was taken to hospital but discharged himself at 10.00pm.

This has been going on for years.Today it has really got to me.I think I have upset my partner to because Im so moody and I know he takes alot on,but he has got really off with me today and I feel so alone and feel I have no where to turn.

Sorry guys,need to let off some steam.:weep:

[fishman65]

So sorry this is happening to you Yorkylover.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Yorkylover}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} }}

Sadly I don't think there is really a lot you can do about your brother.If he wants to drink then he will no matter what you say to him.I think what you really need to do is try to be more selfish and put yourself and your partner first,easier said than done I know....and even more so if you're a conscientious person as you seem to be to me.I wish you luck though and remember you're not alone.Feel free to pm me if you want to.

Take care, Fishy

P.S I'm assuming by 'yorky' you mean the terrier not the chocolate bar? :winks: Actually we have a Border Terrier.He's such a character....dogs really are wonderful companions aren't they.

[pollyanna]

Hi Yorky

Family....... we feel we have loyalty to them despite them pulling us in every direction.. what can we do about it?Answer , i really dont know.
I dont have an answer to that one but like you have just done, letting off some steam is important.
One of my sisters lives a very destructive life, an although it doesnt really affected me too directly, i feel for my parents, and what her behaviour and lifestyle is doing to them, because you are left to pick up the peices. although her situation is different from your brothers, the hurt and devastation left by their behaviour is the same, and although if i had to, ( not neccessarily want to) i could life my life without her, but she is still my parents child and their 'pull' towards her is different. they bend over backwards to accomadate her, and in fact would go the extra mile for her, all to be thrown back in their faces. this angers me greatly for a few reasons, i know this sounds like jealousy, but its so annoying when you are the one comforting your parents, and being around for them when they need you, but she is the one who they would go the extra mile for , all at the drop of a hat, even if it meant changeing all their plans etc, just to see her or be part of her and her childrens lives... oops i think i have just had a rant...
I know we cant really do anything to change the postion we find ourselves in, but like i say have to let off some steam. You partner is probably just having an off day too.or is upset cos your upset, and this is how it is coming across.
You know where we are if you need to talk again, you are not alone..

take care :hugs:

P x

ps, how did buddy get on at the vets yesterday??

you have had that to worry about all week as well, so its no wonder your feeling a bit rubbish.. xx

[fishman65]

Hi Yorky

Family....... we feel we have loyalty to them despite them pulling us in every direction.. what can we do about it?Answer , i really dont know.
I dont have an answer to that one but like you have just done, letting off some steam is important.
One of my sisters lives a very destructive life, an although it doesnt really affected me too directly, i feel for my parents, and what her behaviour and lifestyle is doing to them, because you are left to pick up the peices. although her situation is different from your brothers, the hurt and devastation left by their behaviour is the same, and although if i had to, ( not neccessarily want to) i could life my life without her, but she is still my parents child and their 'pull' towards her is different. they bend over backwards to accomadate her, and in fact would go the extra mile for her, all to be thrown back in their faces. this angers me greatly for a few reasons, i know this sounds like jealousy, but its so annoying when you are the one comforting your parents, and being around for them when they need you, but she is the one who they would go the extra mile for , all at the drop of a hat, even if it meant changeing all their plans etc, just to see her or be part of her and her childrens lives... oops i think i have just had a rant...
I know we cant really do anything to change the postion we find ourselves in, but like i say have to let off some steam. You partner is probably just having an off day too.or is upset cos your upset, and this is how it is coming across.
You know where we are if you need to talk again, you are not alone..

take care :hugs:

P x

ps, how did buddy get on at the vets yesterday??

you have had that to worry about all week as well, so its no wonder your feeling a bit rubbish.. xxOh yes I agree Pollyanna about the child that gets all the attention.The story of the prodigal son reminds me of that....the worse they are the more attention they get :shrug:

[yorkylover]

Thank you Fishy and P:hugs: yes its yorky the dog not the chocolate,although I could eat loads at this minute!!!!!:yesyes:

P,your situation sound's so much like mine hun,it could have been writing that reply.

Thank you both for support.xxxx:hugs:

[fishman65]

lol yes I'm partial to a yorkie bar too.Glad to be of help though yorkylover

Take care, Fishy

[sandy35]

I just read your post and it really upset me to hear what you are going through with this situation. I was like your brother a few years ago as I had a drinking problem thinking that it would reduce my anxiety and used to shout down the phone at my fella when I was drunk. I was lucky though through the support of my family I managed to get help for my drinking problem. I just hope your brother sees sense to admit he has a problem and get some help. It must horrible for your family to go through this and I am thinking of you.

[yorkylover]

Hi sandy Im so pleased you got help for your drinking.:hugs:

This has been on going since he was 14,he is now 38.I can't tell you the things we have gone through,it would make a soap opera!!!!!!!!!:ohmy:

Thanks for your support it means alot.xxxxxx:hugs:

[Bill]

I can't tell you the things we have gone through,it would make a soap opera!!!!!!!!!:ohmy:.............

.............Nor can I!!!...(I think you must know my situation and my wifes illness but it also runs in her family). The system works ok when all runs smoothly but when you need support, the support is lacking, as I'm finding at the moment!!! I can only sympathise with you and say you have to scream before you're heard because of the lack of resources. It's just all wrong that patients aren't given the care they need when really ill and relatives have to take all the burden when things get out of control.:shrug: :hugs:

[sandy35]

Thanks Yorkylover x

Bill, you make an excellent point about lack of support and resources as I tend to find this with mental illness, disabilities and substance abuse cases. It could still be a lot better.

[Kerrigan]

Yorkie, you sound so sweet when you said your brother came to your work and embarrassed you. I bet you were still trying to be civilised to him weren't you?

I feel more for your brother than for you though, I understand you feel alone but you have a boyfriend for goodness sake! You can't be alone if you have a lover, surely. Thats more than he has.

You could ring up the Samaritans but I don't think it's easy to do that. It's kind of awkward to pour your heart out to a stranger. You seem to be quite fragile but when it comes to needing someone professional to listen it's something you have to arrange in advance, it'll be 9 months till I get to see my therapist cos of the waiting list.

Of course there are many other people you could talk to, a trusted friend perhaps? a support group for relatives of alcohol abusers? I wish I could say more but I'm not clued up of all the leaflets and stuff. I have a booklet called 'Looking After your Mental Health' and it is packed with places where people meet up whether they have issues themselves or are affected by a loved ones issues and thats just for my city (Bradford, West Yorshire).

Ask your G.P or check your council website.

I wish you all the best X :hugs:

[yorkylover]

Im afraid you dont know alot about me and my situation,so please dont feel sorry for my brother kerrigan,he has had his family support him since he started being in trouble at 14.We have always been there for him,through his drinking,being gay,wanting to be a woman,being an alcoholic and being in prison on remand!!!!!!Being in court many many times ect ect,and more.

He has has all the help he can get from social worker's,counsellors,AA ect ect and more!!!!

We have always come second with him,my poor parent's have aged quickley and both on med's.He actually physically abused my poor dad last week.:mad:

I am lucky to have a supportive partner who has not walked out on me,he has also helped my brother out of situations and been there for him.

Having a partner and family,does not stop you feeling alone at times,when your depressed and anxious!!!!!!