Scared and don't know which route to take

[Bageywagey]

Hiya - been suffering more or less for 3 years now with general anxiety and panic. Everything has got much worse over the past few weeks, since the beginning of the school holidays because I dread looking after the children on my own - ridiculous I know but this is what I've become! I am so petrified of medication (since taking one citalopram a couple of years ago - thought I would be a hospital case). Even when I read about herbal remedies I worry about them and usually they are not recommended with blood pressure meds which I'm on. Bought the Linden method and know it makes sense, but my partner is off work at present and will be returning to work in a few weeks - the thought of sorting the kids out on my own on a morning for a couple of hours is scaring me silly and I know I have to do something quickly to place me on an even keel but I don't know what. Could anyone help please because I am in such turmoil and don't know what to do for the best - thank you x

[Joellie]

Hey, If you had enough money you could hire a nanny just to give you a hand for a few days until you feel confident enough to do things on your own. Are your children young? If so prehaps you have post natal depression you generally can get this up to a year after your youngest child was born, i only say this as schools have gone in now so the only way you would have any of your children home would be weekends and if they are under 4. Hope this helps. If they are young look into coffee mornings and play groups where there are lots of other mothers.

[Bageywagey]

Thanks Joellie, but unfortunately this has happened over the past year or so - one is 9 and one is 6 and we have very little money as partner has a low paid job and I don't work. I'm not sure if it's because I know I could panic and would upset them, or because they're very boisterous and constantly bicker, get hurt and argue until someone starts screaming. I can't figure out where this has come from but it could also be that this will now be out of my regular routine as partner took a job as a secondment a year ago - he was able to leave at 9am when they had been taken to school and, due to my being far worse over the past few weeks, he's decided to return to his old job which means he'll be with me for a few hours in the afternoon but has to leave for work at 7am - stupid thing is though that he's a school caretaker and we live just over the playground so I should feel safe!! I suppose if any of this disorder made any sense or had any logic that I wouldn't have it in the first place though lol ...... thanks for replying, I appreciate it - sorry I wasn't more clear in my original thread x

[Joellie]

Thats alright :) I dont have children yet but i can imagine having them on their own without anxiety would be worrysom and stressful! Hmm think about some solutions. Does the school they go to have a breakfast club? I work in a school for placement as part of my college course and they do a breakfast club from 8am! Or prehaps you could set up a morning plan for your children so they know what is expected of them. It works for behavour aswell, reward charts and all. So say "we get up at this time, then we get washed and dressed, then breakfast" and if they can do that without aruging and keeping calm they get a point, if they can do this all week without causing hassle then they get s treat on sunday or something. And do it for yourself, if you can manage the morning (whether or not you enjoy :)

I find that if i tell myself at the end of the day that even though i had an attack i feel ok NOW then thats an achievement.

So think of it as you have 2 hours difference to what your husband used to do. See if you can work out a schedule in the 2 hours. I dont know what time you wake the children up but say its 7 30 thats only an hour an a half left!

Im not sure if any of this will work but if you gave it a go and it doesnt work at least you know youve tried :)

[Bageywagey]

Thank you so much - know that whatever I do, I must get rid of these 'what if' thoughts which are the ones that predominate and then cause most of the problems ..... need to get partner to leave me for a while on a morning until I have to do it again on my own I think just to get back into the swing - I'm useless when my routines are mucked up and it's just a case of getting back into the habit without putting problems there when I've not got there yet x

[Joellie]

Why dont you tell him to do the normal stuff in the morning but not do anything for your children (such as breakfast etc) because then you can realise you CAN do it :) the only difference is he will be over the road in the school ^^

[claire m]

i have the same feelings as you i feel like i cant cope with my children on my own. im currently having counselling and one of my goals is to do more with the children and feel confident about it. for example my husband gets the children up gives them their breakfast makes sure they have cleaned their teeth etc, all i do is walk them to school but my homework this week is to get up with the children. i know it sounds small but its all about little steps at the moment.
my kids are 7 and 9.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[bellabessnjet]

Dont know if this will be any help. My son (6) has Aspergers, and has to have a routine, I make a plan either weekly or daily with a routine. What time we have breakfast, when we brush teeth, get ready, tv time etc, I use simple stick people to represent family and/or words as well. It may help you focus especially if you have to make packed lunches, also if you have a plan your not worried about missing doing anything. PS remember dont become fixated with deadlines use times from and to ie (8-8:10 get dressed 8:20-8:30 teeth brushed) Hope it helps and you will do it probably because we have to!!

[GingGangGoolie]

Planning ahead for the school mornings will probably really help you. Maybe even have a checklist on the fridge to double check before leaving, do they have everythig they need? Do they need a P.E kit that day? Maybe even pre pack their bags the night before and hang up their school clothes ready to be put on, so the mornings can be concentrated on getting them up, having breakfast and getting them to school.

Good Luck.