depression/anxiety...chicken and egg

[happyone]

I am just so sick of it. When I first used to use this forum....many moons ago, I would advise people so so so strongly to not take benzo's like diazepam or nitrazepam due to their highly addictive qualities. Today I had to take one or I wouldn't have got through the day. You know that fear when you waken in the morning? You just know you can't cope?
I saw to my kids basic needs then went back to bed, unwashed, fully clothed, hair unbrushed. This has been the status quo for the last few days.

So, what came first? I am depressed and unable to cope with things in a strong manner. I have been sacked, my hubs is in trouble at work, all my usual support folk in the mental health team are on holiday.

I am anxious as I am worried about how we will pay the mortgage, continue to survive finacially, and then I worry about everything. Going out tomorrow, taking kids to school, will I manage without diazepam tomorrow....

I really felt like taking all my meds today. I didn't, but I am now anxious at a return of these feelings. My MHT are not around for another 11 days. I don't know any of the rest of the MHT so I don't know who to call on and they will just give me more meds.
I am seeing my GP on Tue but I never talk to her about my mental health, just my physical.

I am just sounding off I suppose. Not felt as bad as this as in a long time.:weep:

Happyone
xx

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Happpyone I am sorry that you are suffering like this again. You should be able to access some help from somewhere. If you cannot wait until Tuesday when you see your GP could you see her as an emergency tomorrow? I'm not sure how the CMH works but there must be an out of hours service or a messaging service that you can access? If all else fails there is A and E where after a wait you would be able to be assessed by a psychiatrist. Taking a diazapan to help you with your anxiety does not mean that you will become addicted to them. Please dont beat yourself up about needing help. I have needed some extra help this week because I have felt unable to cope and was becoming more depressed again. I have seen my GP and my psychiatrist ( admittedly I see him privately) and had some more meds added in. What are the alternatives to suffer as we do to sh or worse? I know that with a bit of help I can get through this. I hope you can too. You have got better after becoming ill before and you can do it again. Does your psychiatrist have a secretary who you can ring to at least tell them that you are becoming ill again?

[happyone]

Thanks Elizabeth,

I stupidly went to doc on the tuesday and didn't tell her how I am feeling.

I have coped. I have got to here. I need to cope for another 6 days before I see anyone.

The weekends are bad for me. I want to sleep it away.

Happyone
xx