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[lizzie29]

Hi

I've had a really difficult year (my husband committed fraud by forging my signature and we're now getting divorced, my sister nearly died and had a stillborn baby...)
I have separation anxiety so leaving my husband was doubly hard. I was doing so well at first and even managed to spend a few nights overnight on my own, which was always an issue for me.
Since last week though, I've gone rapidly downhill. I spent last Wednesday and Thursday feeling really low, really upset and crying lots. Then on Thursday night I started to feel panicky, worse than I've done for a long time. The weekend wasn't too bad, I went to stay with my parents, but then when it came to leaving them on Sunday night it was really hard. Part of me wanted to stay but I knew it'd be even harder then on Monday, and that I'd never want to go back then.
Yesterday was okish, but today I'm a mess. This afternoon I've been crying loads, really hysterical, and feeling so anxious, I can feel the panic rising. It's horrible, I've not felt this bad for a long time and I feel all the old thoughts - I can't do this, I can't cope, I need to get away, etc etc.

I just feel really alone, like noone understands. I spoke to my parents but they're really stressed by the whole situation and I felt like they were getting frustrated and impatient with me, even though rationally thinking I'm sure they weren't and were just worried.

Thanks for reading, it helped to get it all out. And it's nice to know there are people out there who can understand, and not just think it's weird! :)

[missbabbs]

Hi Ikenny

So sorry you are having such a rough time; like you I suffer from separation anxiety and my husband has just gone to work in the middle east for a few weeks and I am rigid with fear and anxiety. I was sent home from work the other day because I was so upset - a character trait that my colleagues have never seen in me before (I am normally upbeat and chatty). My GP has signed me off sick for 2 weeks and has prescribed Venlafaxine, but I am scared to take them whilst I am on my own for fear of any side effects (had a very bad experience on Seroxat 10 years ago when going through a divorce).

By choice I have pushed all friends' and family away and have become very anti-social, which doesn't help my situation and although my husband is very patient and supportive I fear now that I have turned into a clingy/needy nag and worry that he is beginning to find this suffocating.

I have no children (by choice), no brothers and sisters and my parents are in their 80s and I try to hide my situation from them so as not to worry them, but I am a bit of an open book and so this is quite difficult.

Like you, today has been horrific - adrenaline rushes, palpitaions, light-headed, waves of nausea and swapping between tears and being angry with everything and everybody. It is a constant internal battle to try and keep the panic under control (thought I was going to pass out in the doctors - well suppose it would be a good place to do so!!!) and I only had to get cat biscuit from the pet shop, but I was terrified - it seemed like an eternity for the assistant to shovel 2kg of dried food into a plastic bag; I wanted to just snatch it off her and run!!! I want to run off, but can't even get the shop at the end of our street for a loaf (not that I have eaten for two days), so don't think that is an option.

So, I here is someone who can totally empathise with how you feel and hope it helps knowing there is someone feeling as rubbish as you today. :bighug1:

[Joellie]

Hey,

I think even people without separation anxiety would find your situation very hard to deal with! So your not alone in feeling this way. having separation anxiety must make it so much worse:( I dont have any words of wisdom for you but if you havent already been to the docs, maybe you should? Have you got anyone to talk to about it? Its easier to vent if you dont know the person you vent to because you dont have to lie about the way you feel :)

Sorry for what your going through

[lizzie29]

Joellie, thanks for your reply. I've been to the doctors and said no to medication but I think now I'm going to go back and ask for it, even if it's just short term.

Missbabs - thanks also for your reply! You must feel awful with your husband being that far away. Now that I don't live with mine I realise it's not as bad as I thought it would be, but in the past I don't think I could've coped with him that far away. Are your colleagues supportive? I hope you have someone you can turn to for support, it's so horrible feeling panicky and alone.
The thing is, I know all the things I should do when I feel panicky, but I couldn't even do them this afternoon, I was way too upset. I feel better now - I went to work and that really helped. The doctor offered to sign me off but I think I need that routine, and I'm also scared that if I stop I won't go back.
If you're working (even though signed off at the mo) that's a really good sign - there have been times when my anxiety's been so bad I've been off, but the fact that you have a job is great. Feel free to message me if you're feeling low or panicky. Like you said it's nice to know there are others who feel the same, even though I wouldn't wish this on anyone.