Struggling to step out the door

[Joellie]

I dont know how i feel today, i dont have any like physical awareness of being anxious and i dont think theres a physical awareness of depression either, i dont feel great, i dont want to go to college though.

I just keep putting off leaving and every minute seems to be dragging.

Ive got to go and get my car taxed before hand and im worried about if i need to pay with cash or by card! Which is probably why im a bit worried about going out. I just feel a bit hopless today

[Luci-loo]

Joellie sorry to hear you are having a bad day. Would it help to call the people and ask how you are to pay? If you can't manage paying to get your car tax I'd suggest even a 2-5 minute walk as avoiding things can be a long slippery slope. I was in your position and chosse to stay in and 2 years later struggle to get out.

Hope you find the strength :bighug1:

[fishman65]

This reply is probably a bit late Joellie but I do hope you managed to tax your car ok.Little steps....each task carried out is an achievement.But yes I know those thoughts only too well.Please take care,

Fishy xx

[Joellie]

Hey everyone. I managed to get to the post office and get the tax disc, i stopped at a garage to get cash out just in case. I felt really shaky and nervous today doing that and i was worried that i was going to have a panic attack. I calmed myself down trying to sing a song in my head lol as i know with my anxiety a way to breakthe train of thought is to sing to a song.

Then i went to college wehre my friends managed to lift my mood for a few hours(was a nice change) but then after too much time with them i started getting low and wierd again. Now im home, i feel a bit empty, not sick, not anxious jsut a bit low and wierd. I guess thats the depression side. But at least i managed a whole day out.

Tomorrow is another ball game as il be up earlier with less tiem to get ready and stuff. I just have to keep telling myself i can always come home if i feel that bad

[fishman65]

Hiya Joellie,well done for getting the car taxed and getting to college!!That's a heck of an achievement kiddo :yahoo: I know that depression feeling only too well,but concentrate on feeling proud of yourself for overcoming your fears ok?And as for tomorrow....well its another day and you'll do just as well I know it.Well done!!

Hugs, Fishy xx

[Joellie]

Yeah i just dont really feel it was an achievement as it was something i should have been able to do anyway. I feel really low now. :( Like nothing can distract me from it, tv is rubbish and boring, i cant read because i cant concentrait and i dunno i feel alone. I feel like i want my boyfriend here as we could do something like rent a film or something and he could just make me feel comforted. But then im thrown back to my anxiety over not having a physical want to see him. I want to see him but i feel i cant look forward to seeing him or look forward to anything at all. Im feeling fed up of anxiety and depression putting all its efforts into making me feel bad about my relationship

[Luci-loo]

You did really really well, I know you feel a little low right now but I hope you can look back in a couple of days and realise just how amazing you did!

:bighug1: :bighug1:

[Joellie]

Thanks luci :) Yeah i feel a little better tonight, i realised that it had been over 24 hours since my last citalopram and thought that i probably felt low because my body was starting to go "hang on you need to top me up" sounds bad! I could have handled feeling rubbish for a while but until i feel stable without them i guess il have to keep going :)

Tomorrow worries me as the college hours are 9.30-5.00 and thats a long day for me! i was only in 1-530 today so im worried about it. I just need to remember i can come home if i want to and tomorrow i have councilling at the college so il be able to talk about it properly if i do feel bad.

[ElizabethJane]

Hi Joellie for future reference you can get your car tax done online. You need to have your insurance details to hand. If you do it as soon as you get the reminder the tax disc will appear as if by magic in the post. I dont think you can do this if you are late in applying. Well done for getting out and about today.

[Joellie]

I know lolbut then i got worried that i wouldnt have the money in my bank (today was also pay day!) i only work part time so i didnt have any left over from last month (in fact i was in the minus :() and i kind of needed to in order to go to college because if i didnt HAVE to get my tax disk i would have called in sick at college. thanks though :)

[Bill]

Sweet Joellie:hugs:

Like nothing can distract me from it, tv is rubbish and boring, i cant read because i cant concentrait and i dunno i feel alone. I feel like i want my boyfriend here as we could do something like rent a film or something and he could just make me feel comforted. But then im thrown back to my anxiety over not having a physical want to see him. I want to see him but i feel i cant look forward to seeing him or look forward to anything at all. Im feeling fed up of anxiety and depression putting all its efforts into making me feel bad about my relationship

I think your mind is in a cycle and you can't see a way out.

I know how important your b'f is to you but how strong your fear is about the future together. I thnk this is causing you alot of emotional stress. When you feel bored, your mind has too much time to think and this stress you're feeling then creates other worries that then surface. Your mind then becomes filled with worry which then causes your anxiety which then makes you feel so ill. Feeling so ill all the time makes everything feel such an effort which then makes you feel so low.

My feeling is that your relationship fear is the route cause that's unsettling you so much because it keeps gnawing at you. I feel that's what you need to work on so that when you can feel more settled and relaxed in your relationship, you'll worry less about other things because you'll feel more content and happy so the anxious symptoms will be much less or disappear completely.

I know you find it hard to concentrate but try and find something to do that you enjoy that you can look forward to. It'll help you take your mind away from worrying about everything. A hobby would help you but I don't know what sorts of things you enjoy. Have you also tried talking to a counsellor?:hugs:

[Joellie]

Yeah i have i have councelling today at college (every thursday) I do worry alot about my relationship, but it came as a shock because from my point of view we were happy before this happened, and then all of a sudden this happened with the anxiety and the anxiety over whether or not i love him has gone, i know i do its been well over a week since i last had that.

I dunno i just feel like its trying to break us up. Because now i have the "why dont i look forward to seeing him" thing playing on my mind when really i dont look forward to anything.

I also worry that its me and not the anxiety,i dunno i feel really confused by it all!

I didnt go to college today, couldnt do it :( I felt really sick this morning and then started getting cramps etc and i just called in and said i wasnt coming in and then instantly felt better!

eugh today is not good i can tell :\ im not directly thinking about my boyfriend anxiety today, though i wish he was here because we could do something together whch would get my mind off of it

I just have a worry at the back of my mind saying "why dont you feel anything at the moment?" like i dont feel anything but worry and fear at the moment, no happiness, no exitement, just worry abotu everything.