New here, I am so scared of MS, you are all so brave

[Twinsmummy]

Hello

I have been reading some of your posts for a few weeks and you have got me through some tough times.

I have recently seen a neurologist for twitching/numbness/weakness in my hands and legs, he performed some tests on my reflexes and he thinks is is partly due to a migraine prevention medication I am on (although I have been taking it for 10 months!) and partly anxiety as I have been through a really stressful period and I am an anxious person anyway.

This was 3 weeks ago but I don't feel any better. He has offered me an MRI if I want one but I'm as frightened of the result as I am of not knowing.

My big fear is MS (although I know there are worse problems to have) and I am now convinced my left eye is a little blurry. I have Googled, which left me paralyzed with fear.

Sorry to drop this on you all, I realise you are all dealing with your own problems and think I just wanted to feel connected with people who may understand

Kindest thoughts
Caroline:blush:

[rebeccad]

hi Caroline i can definately understand it is also my worst fear also, but you have the advantage of going to see a neuro who if was concerned would not have just offered you an mri he would have ordered one. I am sure you are absolutely fine and if the neuro isnt concerned neither should you be. I really want my doc to refer me but he wont. :-(

[Twinsmummy]

Firstly, rebeccad, thank you so much for replying so quickly.

I know you are worried about this too, I have seen a couple of your other posts, I'm sorry your doctor isn't more supportive. I had seen mine privately, so mayb he was a bit more willing!! I have also seen ItoldyouIwasill's fantastic reassuring piece, which I read daily!!

I have had other what I would consider anxiety symptoms in the past, headaches, IBS etc, but the sudden onset of twitches, numbness and weird crawly feelings in my calves I find hard to believe can be caused by anxiety, although it has happened after a particularly bad time in my life.

The weakness in my hand is the most alarming to me, it is not when I grip all the way, but when I try to try to grip loosely my hand feels weak and trembles like mad. Can this really be anxiety?

Sorry to go on and thanks again for your time
Caroline x

[rebeccad]

hi caroline i probably not the right person to be offering advice but ill have ago, lots of people with anxiety suffer twitching that is actually where my anxiety started. After reading many many posts i have come to the conclusion that anxiety can cause jst about anything it wants. I hope you are feeling better soon xx

[LisaLisa]

Hello
Twinsmummy

What I thought when i was reading your post was that you have lots of anxiety. Especially where you say that you read the post by itoldyouiwasill everyday! Thats a sure sign of health anxiety.

How come you went private? Have you seen any NHS docs about it? You know they say that private drs like to make money out of people by playing on their uncertainty and anxiety, just a thought

Hope your okay hun

Lisa
xxxx

[Twinsmummy]

Hi Lisa

Thank you for replying.

I know reading ItoldyouIwasill's post makes me sound full of anxiety (and I am:blush: ), and I have started seeing a counsellor to help me with it. I do find his post quite calming though.

I had previously seen my neurologist through the NHS with migraines, but after I had had these weird numb etc feelings for a couple of weeks and my GP suggested seeing him again, I couldn't wait for a couple of months for an appointment, I was going crazy, so I arranged to see him privately. He was really kind and reassuring and I felt better mentally and a bit physically for a couple of weeks, but now things seem worse.

I hope you are okay, I don't really know everyone's story although I recognise your cute icon! And my best friend also calls me hun!!

Thanks again
Caroline x

[AndyB07]

Hi Caroline, MS has been a bit of fear of mine the last few months, and I have some of your symptoms, including recently twitching calves. I went to see a neurologist who told me he didn't think I had anything wrong but offered an MRI, which I took, and he found nothing serious. Please take up the offer of your doctor, I think the fear of not knowing is the worst thing. Have you read the Symptoms post from Marc? I think it will help.

[ziggy95]

Hi Caroline,
I too share the MS fear.
I have spent the last month or so haveing multiple anxiety attacks every day, bursting into tears, and being convinced that I have MS because of tingling, perceived weaknss in my arm, and weird vision.
When I read that optic neuritis involved pain, i developed pain too. It was then that I realized I may be manifesting symptoms.
So I created a mantra.
Whenever I feel my mind going off to fixate on some symptom I say to myself "I AM BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED AND ENTITLED TO HAPPINESS" And it seems to scare the symptom, or at least the obsession, away.
I am scheduled to see a neurologist at the end of the month just to make sure. But I have really started to feel a lot better since this mantra.

Hope that helps at all,
xo
t

[Twinsmummy]

Thank you so much you are all so kind and supportive.

I am currently bringing myself off the migraine preventer (Topamax), that the neurologist is part blaming for the symptoms, it is very hard but I am trying not to completely meltdown until these are out of my system and see whether the symptoms go away at all. Then I will probably have the MRI scan.

The hardest part is looking around friends and other parents at the school gates etc and wondering what it must be like to have a life without feeling like this (when I actually feel like screaming about how scared I am).

AndyB07 - thank you - I will check out Marc's symptom thread, thank you for the tip.

Ziggy95 - I am trying a little meditation and I have noticed that stress definitely makes the symptoms worse. Will try your tip, thank you

Kindest regards
Caroline

[j2]

I can so empathize with your fears. Among several other fears, I fear MS too. Over the years I have convinced myself of almost everything. This site helps a lot and you will never be judged. Post anything, and respond to others if you feel up to it. There are days when just helping someone else makes me feel better. Good luck.

j2

[Worrier]

Hi Caroline,

I just wanted to say that with Health Anxiety (which is obviously what you have) googling is absolutely the WORST thing you can do. I used to do it all the time and it drove me round the bend.

Please try and stop, it will only harm you more. Since I have stopped googling symptoms things have been a lot better for me. Don't get me wrong, I still have health anx.

Take care
Natalie x

[Twinsmummy]

Thank you all again for replying, it is the 'least alone' I have felt in weeks.

You are all right about googling and health anxiety - it is a terrible lethal combination. My husband has said that if I did have MS we would deal with it as a family and he would be there 100%, but the health anxiety could tear us apart, I am so distracted and unhappy and can't seem to get on with life until I have the next answer.

I am seeing a psychologist on Monday and hopefully she will be able to help me get it into perspective a bit more.

Thank you all for being there, and I wish you all well.

Caroline x

[LisaLisa]

The post by ziggy95 makes total sense to me. I find that my health anxiety is totally linked to low self esteem and feelings of guilt. I feel that when i worry a lot i usually feel dislike for myself at the same time, like im a bad person.

when i try to feel better about myself, mysteriously the HA calms down alot and doesnt seem so important

Lisa
xxx