Pushing myself to do things, trying to "let it do it's worst, this is not working!

[ro44]

I'm upset to tears right now. I drove myself to town yesterday. I haven't hardly driven in almost a year. I didn't take any meds, just did a quick trip to town to the drive thru bank, it was hard, but I did not enjoy it.

I thought I"d get out again today to get a birthday card. It was just a few miles but to me it was hard. I'm not afraid of driving, just of how I feel when I drive. After a bit I feel myself getting anxious, I tried the radio to lilsten to music, that didn't help, I try to distract myself and say "you are almost there". It is so strange. I can't really describe how I feel. My heart is not racing, I just feel anxious. I was a few miles from returning home and I felt what I guess was kind of detatched? Like this car is going pretty fast and I kind of felt like I wasn't driving it, Then I kind of felt like I was going to freak out or something. Doesn't that sound STUPID? Then I felt kind of panicked. I didn't pull over, I just kept going. WHY CAN"T I RELAX AND ENJOY THE DRIVE? What is wrong with me?

I am tired of having others drive me around, so I decided I"m just going to force myself to do it and after a while I will get used to it and feel normal again. I am wondering if this will ever happen. Maybe this is something worse than anxiety?

Sorry this is so long. I just hoped that I could enjoy going to town today, but it was worse than yesterday. I don't want to give up, but I hate putting myself thru this. Maybe next time I will take some meds. It just seems ridiculous to me to have to "dope myself up" for a 30 minute trip to town.

I feel really depressed now. Thanks for listening guys,

[gypsywomen]

i dont think you should dope yourself up if going to drive,,you need to be alert on the road,, as you know its not you but other drivers,,,why don't you just do short trips even if your not going anywhere in particular

[gypsywomen]

psssssss i think you are doing very well... dont give up,,,we can only get better by overcomming the fear xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxyou should be very proud:bighug1:

[ro44]

I didn't really mean "dope up" it's only .25 mg xanax, It doesn't affect my driving, just takes the edge off. I shouldn't have put it that way. Sorry, i was just so upset when I said that.

[gypsywomen]

:bighug1: i felt worried for you that's all ,what you take is ok ,,,i drive the one thing i hate is stuck in traffic that's when i get anxious i will go miles to find rods that are quiet ,,you be strong and carry on ,you must be winning the battle you made a move on your own that's great

[Veronica H]

:yesyes: Well done for sticking with it. I think the problem might be that you have subconsciously decided that you should be doing better with it by now. Don't rush it. It is ok to take a day off, just as it is ok to take the car around the block and park it again, or sit in it for a while and then take it along some quiet roads, before tackling the town. This will get better.

Veronica

[ro44]

How do I really know that it is just anxiety? There is no reason for me to be that anxious when I drive. I don't understand it. I wasn't really driving in heavy traffic. I live in the country and it's pretty quiet for the first mile or two before I get to town. I felt really anxious when I was almost home and that was on a pretty quiet road. I have heard people talk about "being detatched" and depersonalization as anxiety symptoms. I never thought I had those but I'm wondering now if I was feeling detached when I was driving. Like it didn't seem real or something. Sounds so crazy to me.

I also have been feeling so off in the head the last few months. Just walking down the hallway and in stores I feel kind of unsteady. I have chronic stiffness in neck and back. I wonder if that is making me fell "strange in the head" when I drive and producing the anxiety.

So tired of tryiing to figure this out!

[gypsywomen]

all this is anxiety i get same thing ,,the more i think about it the worse it gets ,,you will find once you get rid of one thing ,,bang the brain finds something else for us to panic about ..trick is to roll with it,,,dont give it house room :yesyes:

[GingGangGoolie]

Well done for driving again, you should be proud of that achievement :)

Maybe you need to ease yourself back into it and get used to driving again. Maybe read a newspaper at the wheel before driving off to get you comfortable? Put your favourite radio station or music on? Ask someone to be a passenger?

Good Luck, don't feel too down on yourself.

[ro44]

Thanks,

I know it sounds crazy, but I think having a passenger would make it worse for me.

[JohnLuke300]

Many people who suffer from anxiety or panic fear other people will see it in them. So there is nothing crazy about thinking a passenger would make things worse.

[ro44]

I think you are right. If I am really anxious, I want to be alone.

[Rod]

Its hard but you wont stop the anxiety in a couple of trips. It takes time and it doesnt have to be rushed. You will find you will always get there and home again if you just take it slowly. There may even be times one day that you get no anxiety driving but the next day you do.

Its all a part of the process of living with the anxiety and not thinking you are getting worse or back to stage 1. You are doing so well to get back into a car and drive.

Just try and stay as calm as possible, breath slowly and drive straight through your anxiety. Dont force yourself with thoughts like "I have to get home", "I am not going to make it" rush you. Just think "ok I am feeling anxious but I have been here before and been ok, I will take my time and do what I have to then drive home". It will get better. There may still be times that you have to go home early but don't let this set you back. Each time is a whole new time to try again. They are not linked.

I know from experience with my anxiety it has nothing to do with the traffic or roads or towns I am in its me that is causing it.

Don't feel bad at all because you are moving forward.

[looking4answers]

I was starting to get where I did not want to go to town. My wife pushed me and pushed me hard. I had to go. The first time I was freaking out but somehow calmed myself.. The next time was easier.. although I wasn't anxious to experience the samething . The next time was even easier and I found out I wasn't even anxious.. I was a little sick to my stomach but now im the first one that wants to jump in the car and go to town and see
the world.. We live in a rural area and now I look forward to going and seeing everyone at the stores and shopping around.

Keep pushing yourself it gets easier and easier and one day you will find you don't even notice the anxiety.. Take care

PS if it hadn't been for my wife pushing .. I would be sitting staring out hoping to get my life back one day..

[ro44]

So glad you are doing better! Thanks so much for the post, Rod. Thank you everyone who replied. I guess I will just keep trying.