Doozy of a panic today. Ouch.

[taf]

Darn. Had a whopper of a panic attack today. Feeling discouraged, but not beaten. Thanks for listening to me, as I think NO ONE but someone who has gone thru the fear, the gripping fear, of a panic attack can relate.
I was short of breath when I got up...prolly had one as I was waking up. Short of breath grabbed my panic button and pushed HARD. By time I got to work, I was shaking all over.
Drove myself to ER. Other teachers covered my students for me. Doc at first wanted to do an EKG, but when I calmed, I told him of my history of panics. I told him that I had all the same symptoms down to numb fingers from hyperventilation, and swallowing, short of breath, (I could even now attach the medical term "globus..." to it...felt somewhat proud of that in the midst of my drooling panic..LOL)
Gosh,,,I just felt like a fool. He wanted to inject me with atavan, but I though it better to try a xanax in tablet form til I could calm. I have never taken atavan, and that panicked me...Jeepers.
He had me stay a bit, ran a lead and o2 sats., and heart and air exchange a ok.
You know...I knew it in my head...I was ok...WHY CAN'T I talk myself down from these all the time yet?
He said I am actually doing well...and it will get better. Just trust in my bodies ability to start matching up what I know is real and symptoms that mess with my head (although really real and debilitating at times, he said...but short lived...) Now, what a cool doctor for an ER doc, I thought.
Thanks for listening. I needed a buddy who understands what I went through, and how terrifying and real those symptoms can seem...even though I know what they are.....Thanks guys. I was very frustrated today, but the doc said..."Don't forget the light at the end of the tunnel. You've got a head start...you understand what panic can do. That's a real plus.
Now...I want to keep believing that, but I am just tired and frustrated and embarassed tonight.
Thanks buddies,
Cheers to all,
Taf[:O]

[rick]

Hi Taf

Man, I know where you are! I went thru a stage where I thought I was terminally trapped by the PA monster, too. Lost a pile of weight, thought I'd end up in the nut house for sure. Gee, the times I called or went to see my GP... It seemed like EVERY little twinge, spasm, palpitation, or ache was the indicator of a horrible disease I was inflicted with.

After a while, though, after not dying, having a stroke, jumping off a bridge, or anything else, it finally began to sink in that, maybe, just perhaps, this stuff really IS caused by anxiety! What a revalation!

Don't be embarrassed. This happens to all of us, and we carry on. Remember, don't EVER be embarassed by anything that happens, especially things you share here on the board. Again, we've been there, done (and are doing) that, and that's why we're all here, to help each other!

Just a few ideas that help me... KEEP BUSY!!! walk, read, build a model airplane, compose an opera... anything that keeps you occupied. Also, have the strength to look inside yourself, and be willing to be brutally honest with yourself, and see if there are things you are keeping inside of you that could be causing these attacks. Trust me on this one! As long as you are holding things inside, it won't get better. Find a good counselor, friend, chat room (NMP Plug), but get these things out. Finally, eat well. The PA monster absolutely loves upset stomachs, and often launches massive attacks from the 'ol gut!!!

Hang in there, and good luck

Rick

It is better to be a free bird than a captive king...

[mirry]

Hi Taf,

I have been thru a sim experiance back in JUNE.
I was in a right state and got to the hospital thinking I was having a Heart attack and had all the tests because my heart was going very fast they told me i did have a slight tempature which could of been the cause.
I told the DOCTOR about my bad panics and I couldnt believe it when she told me she was agrophobic for 8 years and suffered terrible with it until one day she said she woke up and thought "NO MORE" NO MORE.
She said shed had enough and realised she feared the agrophobia more than a panic attack.
she was really nice and told me this will all become a bad memory .

I have been like it 3 and half years now but keep that hope (if she can do it i can) I have bad days but always remind myself that is all it is a bad day - I will feel better tomorrow!
Its hard every day being a challange isnt it but I am trying not to think about tonight /tomorrow ect I am just functioning for the moment and I feel this is a better way to think,

When my body takes over and panics I am now reminding myself its not me its the child within me who needs reassurance because shes had a rough time and needs someone to understand her and help her heal.....sounds very deep but its stopped a few panics for me.

Good luck I hope you feel better in yourself very soon.,


mirryx

[taf]

Wow...............What amazing, sensitive, and from the heart advice. I, and Rick said, think that I DO need to start being really honest with myself. I look back and for several months, I have just stuffed all my feelings inside...my mom passed a little over a yr and a half ago, and I have just stuffed it down...trying to be stoic and numb. And Mirry...what a beaautiful way to look at it...my child DID need to come out,I think...last week a kiddie (student of ours at the school) sadly accidently took a drug overdose. I saw part of the incident, and tried to just "stuff it inside." Then, one of our other kiddies was pulled from his home, put up in a foster care group home, and came to us crying and lonely. It broke our hearts. Again, I tried to be tuff...NOT honest with myself. Then, Monday, I had this DOOZY of a panic...Rick, I am looking right now, and trying to force myself to start ASKING for help...It is hard for me to even write this to you all...I feel like I am whining, but your kindness is bringing me out of my shell.
I am starting to realize that I need to break down my walls. The panics are the first time I have allowed myself to feel anything, and that's scary in and of itself. But the panics, as hard as they are, I think are starting to reveal some new skin underneath, but it's a hard growing process, I think!!
I need to talk to folks on this line who understand. (and i have kept my panics a guarded secret..believe me...fearing people would think i am mad, nutto, an idiot, incompetent, blah blah blah...gosh, what a harmful thinking pattern!
I needed to talk to actual people who have had panics, and quit trying to hide from everyone...."It's asthma, it's food allergies, it's too much thyroid meds...I'm shy...ad nauseum excuses I have concocted to keep me in my cocoon of safety....carefully guarding, too embarassed to tell everyone...trying to hide the fact that I am twisting inside from that terrible panic attack yesterday.
It is a shocking revelation that to me, keeping the fact inside all the time that I have panics was my way of locking myself off from the world...just mortified that someone at work would find out I have panics. The doc looked right at me yesterday when I refused to take the injection of ativan, took my hand, and said, "It's anxiety. And it can hurt like anything you can label, or tell me, and tell others. It's OK."
Well, it is OK. And thanks to your advice, I am feeling ok today.
xxo to all, and thanks for helping me, listening, and helping me to force out of this self imposed, hard shell I have been hiding in. It hurts to break out, but with breaking shells comes growing. Ouch. Growing can hurt sometimes. :) Thanks for listening, you all. And Mirry and Rick, you've helped me more than you know. I was so down about that panic. Your words healed me a lot! Taf[8D]

[rick]

Hi Taf!

Absolutely our pleasure! When I had my terrrible episode, the folks here were literally lifesvers. I have been fortunate to have gotten to the point where the PAs are rare, but I know that, once you've had them, they are always lurking around the corner, waiting for us to lessen our defenses so they can attack.

Because of work and other committments, I'm not on the board near as much as I wish I could be, but the people here are so great - and have all been or are where you are now. And - once you realize that PAs are nothing to be ashamed of, and begin to speak out about them- you will really be surprised at how many people have had them! I know that when I started 'fessing up, I was amazed at the big old tough guys I work with have had this!!!

Remember, its a long, tough road, but by taking small steps, savoring each little victory over the PS monster, it will get better!

Take care,

Rick

It is better to be a free bird than a captive king...

[Meg]

Taf,

You did do really well. To feel that dreadful and be rational yet ask for help yet choose your treatment option.

Well done you !!

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/symptoms.htm
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/healthanxiety.htm

First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)

Lets try to keep our thoughts in perspective (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=283)
Mind Games (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1789)
obsessive thoughts & anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3096)
Still suffering this damn "suggestive" thing.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4288)
How to CURE yourself ! The definitive guide here.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5357)
Its happening again ! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6094)
Things to consider for success! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6165)


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[christian]

Taf

I just wanted to add that Atavan is a benzo like Xannax or Klonipin or Valium etc.
It just acts quicker than the others in most cases.
It was and still is my tranquilizor or choice.
Like all benzos it loses its effect over time. Meaning it will take higher dosages to achieve the same effect. Which is a good reason not to abuse them and even ween oneself off if its possible. I rarely take them anymore but it's nice to know I have a few in case.

It saves money in the long run too because you're not paying for pointless ER visits.

I used to drive to the hospital and sit in the parking lot with the door ajar even though I was fairly certain it was just panic.