View Full Version : Autumn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgV-_4nXvOc&feature=related
Whenever I hear this music, it always lifts my mood so I thought I'd share on here since it's Autumn in the hope it'll also lift others moods even if just for a few minutes.:hugs:
Its quite magical isnt it :) Thanks for sharing bill, hope your ok
Thanks Bill. I woke up to the first really cold morning today and am fighting depression hard. I have SAD on top of the rest and feel so low about winter coming.
Wonderful!!!
Thankyou for sharing this
Best wishes
John
:D:D:D
If you liked that, you might like this too. Give it a minute to warm up and you'll feel summer's back!:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qcn-2fZRPOE&feature=related
Thank you Bill :)
Very calming & relaxing.
thank you bill
debera:hugs::hugs:
You know it's really important to enjoy the changing seasons rather than to be hopelessly in love with Spring! That applies to all aspects of life I guess -- didn't realise I was so profound!!
The colours of Autumn make you think of warmth and comfort and, although the winter is difficult if you have SAD or are depressed, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
When my dad was in ICU over Xmas I well remember going Xmas shopping and looking at all the smiling faces and wanting to scream. You never know what sadness a person is suffering from but everything passes.
If you have SAD as well as being depressed do what I did and take some Filisa herbal supplement as well as evening primrose oil. I also eat lots of porridge over the winter because oatmeal is very good for depression. Also put some either rose, geranium or tangerine oil in your shower in the morning.
Hope this helps someone xxx
Desprate Dan
08-10-09, 18:06
Thanks Bill, you always make me feel that life isn't so bad after all, if only there was more people in the world like you, the world would be a much better place to be.. I love the colours of Autumn, i remember happier times when i was a child running through the all the leaves and throwing them up into the air and looking at all the diffrent colours as they fell to the floor.. Life was so simple and fun then.
Thanks
Desprate Dan :)
No Dan, there are Far better and stronger people in this world than me who do so much more than me.
I'm able to smile and laugh to hide how I feel but I've lost count of how many days recently I've cried at least once. I did it again today!:weep::blush: I happened to bump into someone I knew and as soon as I started to tell them how things are and how I'm feeling, I couldn't stop myself. I felt So :blush::blush::blush: I just can't control it.
I told them about what I used to do to myself 10 years ago and that I'm feeling as ill again but I can't go back to those days because I have to think of my mother etc. They said I'm trapped and I agreed.
The other day I spoke to my wifes cpn and she said I'm over-stressed and that even the best psychologists would have given up by now. The person I spoke to today said they didn't know how I coped with everything but I have no choice.
I guess they were both complimenting me but I don't think of myself in such a good light. I'm in my position because I'm Weak and like you, I'm afraid of hurting others and making them very ill. My conscience won't let me and yet I can only see one way out of my situation. All I can do is keep hoping things become easier to bear somehow but really, unlike you, there's no hope of ever really being happy.
No Dan, the world should be full of more blokes like you, not me, and that's why I so much want you to Live yours and find happiness and not end up like me.:winks:
Bill I never know what to say to you when you are so low. I'm afraid I'm usually a coward and say nothng. That's unforgivable, when you reach out to those of us in pain so often. I'm not in your shoes, so I don't know how you feel, but I'm close enough that I can imagine. Please know that you matter a great deal to many of us on this site. Your words and generosity of spirit have kept many of us going. I apologise for not trying to give you something back. PM me anytime if you need an ear. :hugs:
Sweet Maddie:hugs: I honestly don't think there's anything anyone can say or do to help me, not even the professionals.
It's just something I need to try and work through myself as I always have before. I feel it's always just a case of making living bearable rather than happy though. Doing what I can to help others just helps me too.
It's just that at the moment I feel too tired, too weak, too tearful and too washed out to push the weight off me so I just want to curl up somewhere safe and forget my world but I'm trapped so I have to keep going until I eventually sink or swim.
Thank you for your lovely words and for caring.:bighug1:
Bill have you asked if your wife could go somewhere for respite care for a week or two to give you a break? It's not selfish to put yourself first when you feel so bad. If you go under, you both do. Sounds like it's time you had a total break from everything, which you richly deserve, so don't feel guilty. Try asking your Doc, CPns and your local home carers. It's what they are all there for.
Hello Maddie:hugs:
Yes, I do want a break. The difficult question is How? Yes, I could ask as you say but I don't feel her issues are so severe to make me feel I'm being fair to her. If they suggested it, I'd feel I'm not to blame. I guess it's back to my conscience again that troubles me because I'd feel I'm forcing her out of her own home just so I can relax a while....and yet, what would I do here alone? I know I'd find things to do but my temptation would be just to stay in bed because I feel so low.
I feel it's gone beyond me just needing a break. Somehow I also need to find enjoyment in living again but maybe the support worker will help me somehow.:hugs:
A support worker can give you time to go out and enjoy things in the world again. You could even volunteer somewhere for a few hours to give you an interest and something to think about. Have you got your own Social Worker? All carers should receive their own support - not second hand through what their partner gets. You are a valuable asset - without you your wife would need much more external support.
Your wife doesn't have to go away - carers could come in for a few days to allow you to go away. Even if you mostly slept, wouldn't it be good to have someone else cook for you and no housework for a few days?
All the above assistance applies in our area. If you don't want to approach Social Services direct, ask the support worker or Citizen's Advice what applies where you are. Please don't leave it until you are beyond, Bill.
Hello Maddie:hugs:
I've been doing voluntary work for the Red Cross for around 10 years or so and before that I used to help out with stroke patients in the local hospital. I did also use to work in the main hospital but since I lost my father there on the ward I was working on, things just got worse so I've found the red Cross work enough along with playing sport and my caring responsibilities.
We were allowed 11 hours a week by social services so we have helpers who pop in now and again to do things with my wife which has allowed me more time to relax but it's not easy to relax properly in a couple of hours now and again.
Respite is foreign to me. The only times I've had any respite in 19 years is when her parents have been on holiday for a week with herr but that's just been in the last 4 years and only once in a year but they're now too old to travel so didn't go anywhere this year.
I don't receive any help for "me". Never have done. Even when I was referred to the mental health team a year or so ago they said they couldn't offer anything and I just had to get out and make friends but other than my bowls people who are all retired, I've never been able to make any local friends of my own age because of my commitments at home.
We have a helper who comes in for 2 hours a week to do the hoovering but it's not enough so I do most myself. Someone to cook for me?:D Sorry, but I had to laugh. I have my set days where I "have" to cook which has become nearly every day now. I had to go out for a match on Friday night. I'd been out in the afternoon and knew I'd have to cook when I got home. (If I don't, we starve!) When I got in, she said to me "Don't worry if you don't have time to wash up before you go out.............you can always do it when you get home at 11pm"! I said to her "And I thought for a moment you were going to surprise me!" to which she replied she didn't have time! I should also add, washing up doesn't just mean the dinner things. It means Everything she always leaves including breakfast, snack, tea etc....Everything! I knew that if I didn't wash up before I went out, all the cupboards would be empty and I'd be washing up all night when I'd just feel too tired! Yes, I could have left it but it just sits there until I find the time. No, we haven't got room for a dishwasher! lol I'm it! That's just a little example of her rigidness. She likes routine and everything out of her remit confuses and upsets her which causes me more hassle so it's easier if I just get on with it. If you picture pushing a boulder along and each time you stop, the boulder stops, you have a pretty good idea how much pushing I would have to do which is why it's just easier to get on with it myself even though they say I should push her but then I'd never get Any sleep!
People have NO idea what my life is like.
I Am making a list and I Will be pushing the professionals for help too but they've Never listened to me before which is why I turned to my od's in the past but now I have my mother to think of.
Thank you for caring sweet Maddie :bighug1:xxxxxxx
I did mean meals cooked for you in a hotel Bill. lol
Have you tried Farmfoods www.farmfoods.co.uk/ -
The meals are good and it saves hours peeling spuds!
Also, Have you lookes at these:
Carers support services (http://www.google.co.uk/aclk?sa=L&ai=CpgjYornRStKPGcSy4gbPhOzDCIbGyWOG77j6Cbr9wp0DCA AQASCLmPgFULqd8aT9_____wFgu-6hg9AKyAEBqQLlYM3468u6PqoEHk_QZcD-ewr8oPCqfL-JwJMM8c7xcVZkMDUeyJ-TKQ&sig=AGiWqtyJzxnYVcblptsID5oQtYcquCuAFg&q=http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeone/CaringAndSupportServices/DG_4000178%3FCID%3DDWPandTYPE%3DSponsoredsearchand CRE%3DSupportServices) linkscanner://safe.gif/ (javascript:void(0))
www.Direct.gov.uk/Disability Advice on finding support in your role as a carer.
Carers Direct helpline (http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/carerslives/pages/carersdirecthelpline.aspx) linkscanner://safe.gif/ (javascript:void(0))
How to get in touch with the freephone Carers Direct helpline, ... Our helpline advisers can put you in touch with specialist national or local sources of ...
www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/carerslives/.../carersdirecthelpline.aspx -
Carers UK : CarersLine (http://www.carersuk.org/Information/Findinghelp/CarersLine) linkscanner://safe.gif/ (javascript:void(0)) Carers UK provides high quality advice and information to carers and the professionals who support carers
There IS help out there Bill.
Oh right!....a hotel!:D Ooops, I just carried on reading that line as if it was all related.:blush:
I've never tried farmfoods but it takes me back to the days when I used to deliver meals on wheels. My wife is very rigid so it's difficult to make changes to her routine. She likes set meals for each the day of the week and I've just got used to it because to try and have something else on a particular day just confuses her and causes too much hassle.
Maddie, you're Very Sweet to to take the time to look up all those contacts.:hugs: I used to belong to Carers UK and got some valuable advice from them. I feel I've been in the system so long that now it's reached the stage where it's come down to specifics related to my wifes illness and our particular circumstances. I think now I have to put a firm case to the carers support worker on wed and detail exactly what's going on here because I'm feeling really shattered every day. Even today I didn't get up until mid-afternoon as I just felt I had no energy.
Thank you sweet Maddie.:hugs: You're Very Kind to think of me.:bighug1:
Bill, before I was attacked at work, I was a Social Work Case Manager working with disabled people. When you see the carers support worker, make sure you are telling her about YOUR problems, not your wife's. Explain you only cope because you have to, but how it's affecting you. It helps to write a list so you don't forget anything, especially things like crying in the street. Tell them you can't go on. It might sound horrendous - but that's the best way to get the help you deserve and are entitled to. Remember, the worker is there for YOU.
I'm afraid I'm away now until Wednesay morning. I don't know what time your meeting is, but PM me if you have any questions and I will try to get back to you before the meeting.
Thanks Bill. I woke up to the first really cold morning today and am fighting depression hard. I have SAD on top of the rest and feel so low about winter coming.I suffer with SAD too Maddie....I was thinking about getting one of those light boxes.Please take good care and feel free to pm me if you want to.
Hugs, Fishy
Thanks fishy
Bill - I hope the meeting goes well and results in the help you would like. Hugs.
Thank you Maddie:hugs:
I've made a list of my wifes problems but I'll also make some notes for myself to tell the support worker. I did write alot about me to the doctor and also told the cpn how I've been feeling. I'm hoping I'll be able to talk to the support worker alone today.
I feel in a strange mood tonight. I've been feeling nervy today and also tearful. At the same time though I've felt very quiet and subdued.
When I look around me I feel I shouldn't be feeling as I am. I keep feeling I just want to curl up away from this world and that there are also so many others who really deserve happier lives who have far better reasons to feel low. I feel I don't belong. It's a weird feeling, and yet when I'm on here I ignore those thoughts and focus on others.
Anyway, I'll let you know what happens.....if anything. There's part of me that feels anxious about what they'll suggest but also part of me that feels they won't do anything anyway because they never have before but I'll give it a go! I'm just tired of fighting them when I feel they can't help anyway but maybe they'll surprise me and prove me wrong. I just feel I'll need to be in hospital before they can do anything. We'll see I guess.:shrug:
How did the meeting go Bill?
I'm not surprised at your feelings. You have tried hard for so long, it's difficult to finally face the fact that you cannot do more. It means accepting you have needs that aren't being met and it's scary wondering what might be suggested and what changes might happen. No matter how tired and low we feel, we none of us like to lose independence and control. There's a grief to go through, for the life you wanted and have lost, for what could have been; and often guilt that you couldn't make it all alright. I hope that services in your area will be able to come alongside you and work with you.
I have days when I do curl up in bed and shut the world out. The life you have been leading does make you feel isolated and apart. No-one except you knows how you feel inside your own front door. We all have our "external faces" and it doesn't make any difference what anybody else is suffering, that doesn't change your feelings or perceptions of your life.
I hope that you will recieve support to give you enough relief to be able to create something in your life that will give you purpose and pleasure.
Thank you Maddie.:hugs:
Well, we had the meeting and the psychiatrist has decided to change her meds in the hope of giving her more motivation and more enthusiasm to do things. However, I must admit I'm a little anxious about it because whenever her meds have been changed before, the changeover can always be a dodgy period because the illness could surface or side effects can present themselves. The other concern I have is that I have read mixed reports about this med called Abilify. Some say it's worked wonders whereas others have said it's messed their minds up or much worse.
It's very difficult because you have to go with what the professionals think is best but I've learned from experience that even they can't be sure how things will go so yes, i'm rather anxious about it.
As for me, well....I saw the carers support worker who told me I should try going to bed an hour earlier each night and find things I enjoy! I told her I couldn't sleep and that I can't enjoy Anything anymore! In other words, she was saying "I need to help Myself!"
She also said that she had arranged a meeting for me with her and my wifes cpn to discuss my issues and that this meeting will be in a months time and at 10AM....which I thought just went to show how much they'd actually listened....to have to wait 4 weeks and expect me to be at the hospital at 10AM when they know I'm not getting to bed until 6AM! When I said as much...they asked if it was ok and I just agreed...thinking to myself I'll bring my pillow with me! lol
I just felt they treated me the same as they did 10 years ago. They neither understood nor took in what I'd told them about how I was feeling.
You know, I realised afterwards why I can't force myself to go to bed earlier. It started with not being able to sleep, not knowing what my wife was up to but then I just lost the will to make an effort. Now I feel I can't be bothered about even trying because every day means feeling alone with only hurt and hassle for company and that being so tired all day creates a dreamstate which dulls the pain of my existence so that if I got ill and had to go to hospital, what would it matter? Maybe then they'd hear me! I keep getting these "thoughts" but I block them out because I have to think of my mother but I just keep feeling so trapped with my feelings and emotions with no release.
The only place I can say I feel any sense of belonging is when I'm typing on here talking to you and like-minded people, and when I thought about this more, I think that's what I miss most - talking in person with someone who understands me which is why I miss my father so much. I could say nothing and he'd know exactly how I was feeling! I just feel trapped and isolated though because of my caring roles, extreme tiredness and bing too stressed so the only people I feel I can Really talk to who understand me "are" You!
When we got home this evening, I sat down, watched football!, fell asleep! and then got up to prepare and cook dinner which we had at midnight before I washed everything up.......but then who cares when we eat or if we do even!?!:shrug: Some days I go all day and then suddenly realise I've not eaten anything because I've had no appetite.
Thank "you" for caring Sweet Maddie:bighug1:
I am so sorry Bill that the carers's support worker was so little help. Did you ask about respite at all?
I hope that the change over in meds goes well. I'm afraid that I've not heard of Abilify.
As for not going to bed because you feel numbed by tiredness the next day, I know exactly what you mean. It's usually 4 or 5 am when I go for the same reason. I don't acknowledge the depression, I just blame it on tiredness.
You've mentioned going to hospital a few times now. How do you think that would help, Bill? It would give you a rest and they would be forced to find carers for your wife whilst you were in, but what about when you came out? It sounds dreadfully hard, but the only person who can take the first step to get out of this is you. That applies to all of us on nmp.
Can you think of anything you would like to do where you can meet people? Crossroads will send someone to be with your wife whilst you go:
www.crossroads.org.uk/ (http://www.crossroads.org.uk/) -
I hope you can manage to stay awake at the meeting with the cpn. lol. Hugs.
Hello Maddie:hugs:
No, I didn't ask about respite. I found it too difficult. Also when they said about changing her meds it always makes me anxious because I can never be sure how it will affect her so I'd rather keep an eye on her. She's started to reduce one of them and tonight she's been sick and shaking but I can't be sure if there's a connection as yet.
You've mentioned going to hospital a few times now. How do you think that would help, Bill? It would give you a rest
Yes, and hopefully some tlc! But I'd probably get bored!
and they would be forced to find carers for your wife whilst you were in, but what about when you came out?
Maybe they'd realise "I" need more support to prevent me from becoming ill again?...but then again they'd probably let me! lol
It sounds dreadfully hard, but the only person who can take the first step to get out of this is you. That applies to all of us on nmp.
You're right....and that's my trap because every way I look at things, I can't find a step to take to help myself. My wife needs me, my mother needs me and even the dog needs me.....and my conscience won't allow me not to be around to care for them unless I was forced to due to becoming ill myself.
Can you think of anything you would like to do where you can meet people?
Yes, I'd Love to be able to meet other anxiety sufferers so I could try to help them because they would also help me not feel so alone. My wife can be left for a day wihout any problem because her illness is under control and she knows I need my own friends as she has her helpers. It's something I want to discuss with the support worker because at the moment I spend my days alone feeling worthless and wondering what's the point to getting up when every day just feels like too much hassle without anything to make me feel alive, look forward to or enjoy.
You're very sweet to care Maddie.:bighug1:xxx
Hello Bill.
It's 4.40am and I'm on my way to bed. I just checked in to see if you were OK. I'll respond to your post tomorrow when I've had some sleep, if that's OK.
I'm not sweet. I'm just in the same place.
Goodnight.
It's 4.40am....I just checked in to see if you were OK.
I'm not sweet.
If you don't mind Maddie, I'd like to disagree with you because anyone who stops by at 4.40AM to make sure someone else is ok IS sweet in my eyes no matter what they might think or say about themselves. If you don't like me calling you sweet, I'll just call you Special instead because that's what I Genuinely think of anyone who cares about others as you obviously do sweet Maddie.:bighug1:
Just wanted to give you an update.
LMHT suggested a new med for my wife but when I looked into it more, the risks outweighed any gain and eventually they agreed a change in meds is not the answer but since then they've not come up with any alternative solution except for a meeting for myself with them in a weeks time. She's just behaving as she was and never takes any no notice of me or how ill she's making me feel. I'm just really fed up with everything. My wife's ill, my mother's ill and now the dog's getting ill. I feel I'm getting ill too. I love my mother and my dogs my best friend but I feel I'm losing both of them. I'm surrounded by illness and hassle and I'm left feeling what's the point to everything when it feels years ago fate seems to have decided I have to cope with everything alone. Sorry.:weep:
You're not alone, Bill. We're here for you :hugs:
When you say you looked into the suggested new meds for your wife, don't forget that pharmaceutical companies legally have to declare as possible side effects anything that might occur in one in a million patients. Your wife might not be affected by any of them and could benefit. It's a question of whether it is worth taking the chance - she can always swop back.
It's really hard to find the energy to do anything when you feel everything is pointless and you are useless and helpless. You have been amazingly strong caring for your wife. On top of that, you have given so many of us on nmp help and advice. You are far from being a worthless person and I believe that you can change your own fate.
2 things, if I might suggest:
1. Decide on something you would like to do just for a few hours a week. No matter what the obstacles, do it. (Maybe a new dog - a rescue one already house trained you could take to obedience class? Often a new dog brings life back into the old one)
2. Last thing at night before you go to sleep, jot down 3 good things about the day. This may seem hard. Even: "the sun shone", "went out to the shops", "had to laugh at Maddie's daft suggestons for me" Anything positive that happened in the day. This puts you into a more positive frame of mind for sleeping. If you keep it up you'll find you wake feeling more positive too.
Sometimes life doesn't seem fair and only one thing will help - :bighug1:
Hello Bill,
Just a little message to say I am sorry life is at such a low point for you. As Maddie said, sometimes it is the simple things which can make all the difference. You are wonderfully supportive and understanding of other peoples' problems; you have a gift for putting down in words what we might be feeling, but perhaps unable to express, and there are many people here who value you greatly. I am thinking about you and sending you a big hug:bighug1:
Have you ever felt so frustrated you feel like exploding? I keep feeling like that lately. Every day I'm being niggled either by my wife, the dog or just life!
I do get out sweet Maddie. Like today I took my mother out shopping. For me it's respite because I can just listen to her talking. My poor mother, she has no one to talk to so she makes up for it when she's with me and then she apologises for not taking breath! lol I don't mind. It helps her and it takes my mind off things listening to her. I do also manage to get out to do my own thing so I do have plenty of freedom and my wife never enquires where I've been because she's not interested providing I'm around for her when I get home and that's when I get stressed! It's like coming home to a black cloud and then I get constantly zapped by the lightning!
I won't go into detail but she really tied me up in knots this evening again with her irrational behaviour. The dog's not helping either! He acts out he's starving but as soon as you give him his dinner he turns his nose up so you end up throwing it out. I've tried softening his dry food, pouring stock on, adding after dinner bits but nothing works....and yet give him a biscuit and it's gone! Can't understand it and it's so frustrating, and worrying as he's over 15! His legs are going and he's also losing control of his "works". I fear he's just getting too old.
It just feels sometimes someone up there has it in for me because every day just means hassle from the moment I wake to the eventual early or late hours I get to sleep.....and no one takes any notice!
By the way Maddie, I discovered alot of people complaining about this new med and often when she changes meds I just get more hassle in the process. As her cpn says, a new med isn't the answer. It's more behavourial. The risks were just too great.
Rosie, sometimes it's the simple things that can ease stress that are the hardest to find-:bighug1:
"Have you ever felt so frustrated you feel like exploding? I keep feeling like that lately. Every day I'm being niggled either by my wife, the dog or just life!"
Oh yes! There are so many days I could completely ransack this house. Last night with the retune, we lost channels on the TV. After a bad day, it had my blood literally boiling. If my OH hadn't been here I know I would have thrown the remote straight through £900-worth of screen. The frustration and anger build but there's nowhere to go with it. I know just what you mean Bill :hugs:
"when I get home and that's when I get stressed! It's like coming home to a black cloud and then I get constantly zapped by the lightning!"
When I go to my daughter's each week, I drive up a steep hill away from home. It's like being released. When I come back, I drive down the same road. The walls of the cliff that the road builders cut through have huge metal bolts in them. The rock face closes around me and it feels like I'm being returned to prison. So many bad things have happened here, but I'm trapped. It sounds easy to say "move away", but I can't afford to do the house up so I can't rent it out and nothing is selling at the moment.
"My poor mother, she has no one to talk to"
Does she go to any day centres or have anyone from Crossroads to visit her and take her out? Your Mum's life could be enriched in many ways, Bill.
"The dog's not helping either! He acts out he's starving but as soon as you give him his dinner he turns his nose up so you end up throwing it out."
Touche with our cats. It really is frustrating, isn't it? We now leave dry food down and if they are hungry enough they eat. Being elderly house cats who sleep the day away, we have decided that they just don't need much. They are really picky about tinned food, so we have given up on that. They do have bits of chicken or lamb if we've had a joint and they like rice. If they seem a bit "off" we give them rice pudding (tinned) for a full day and that seems to sort them. They are regularly wormed. No animal is going to let itself deliberately starve. It is horrid to watch them decline as they get older. I have had to take 2 much loved dogs to the vet's in the past. That's why I suggested maybe getting a younger dog now, so you are not left with a void if this one dies?
"Rosie, sometimes it's the simple things that can ease stress that are the hardest to find"
:bighug1:before I kick you up the backside!
You know as well as I do that no-one can make things change except ourselves. And we have to want it. Sometimes it's too scary to try, or sometimes we are too depressed to be able to try. That's where a friend comes in. I am not belittling the desperation you feel - I know it all too well. There are many days I just sit in a fug and do nothing. So how about a mutual exercise that might help us both?
You say you can get out. I can too (limited somewhat by the agrophobia, but I can) So I suggest that each day we both do something that makes us feel good that we can tell each other about.
What do you think? Anyone else reading this could join in to give us inspiration.
I'll start. I'm not dressed yet, but when I am, I will take a walk to the nature reserve behind me. I've never been there alone. It's gonna be scary for me, :scared15: so you'd better have something to tell me tomorrow.....
:hugs:
My dog became very picky, and one thing that never failed to tempt him was fish - coley - you can buy frozen value packs at the supermarket. I used to pop it in the microwave for 3 mins, mix it will a little dog biscuit or some rice and add dog vitamin supplement.
Rosie:hugs:,
Well, we have a cat that thinks he's a dog because when we let the dog out to do his bit, the cat goes out too and then afterwards the cat comes in and sits with him expecting a biscuit too........and now we have a dog who thinks he's a cat because I ran out of ideas what to feed him so I gave him some dried cat food and he gobbled it down!:shrug:
Now I'm giving him a mixture of his old food, the dog alternative to the cat food with the icing on the cake being the cats food! It's working except now he's having to "go" more often!
I've no idea why he went off his food after being on it all his life but I just think he gets it from the wife and the cat who also both like being a pain in the :buttkick:......!!!
I went out today and within 5 mins of returning I was wishing I'd not come home! Oh for some sanity!
Maddie:hugs:
Although my mother likes to chat, she's never comfortable with the thought of mixing. She seems to just like my company and I'm more than happy to provide it because she's my respite too.
The question about getting another dog is something I keep debating with myself. I would really miss not having a dog but then I think of how things are, the costs, commitment etc and then I think again! I will feel much more alone without him and even worse if one day I no longer have my mother to talk to but I fear it's something I'll probably just have to accept.
Last night I held a firework display for my wife and my mother. They both enjoyed it and my mother was quite amused how a sparkler absolutely fascinated my wife. My wife enjoys the simple things in life which is why I can't talk to her about serious issues as she can't take them in.
I used to go for long walks with the dog but now he's so old, he can't walk far. One place I used to visit was "my oasis". It's a pond that was created by underground stream which is enclosed by trees. I could sit there for hours watching a kingfisher darting down from the branch and yet despite the tranquility, I always felt very melancholy. No one could see me and I used to feel I could walk into the water and no one would even know.
I know I can never change the main issues in my life that cause me my frustrations and feeling low but every day I always try to find something to get up for. I enjoy my sport, I enjoy my red cross work, I enjoy seeing my mother, I enjoy helping others and I enjoy music and the arts. They all help me to forget the things I miss in life which I expect to never have.:hugs:
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