mum2four
01-11-05, 05:25
I feel like the Luvox has taken my coping method's that i didn't like but could stop thinking about the rocking and tapping ect. The luvox is controling the obsessive thinking and reasessing ect. The luvox has taken my general anxiety away about fearing posiable panic attact's and anxiety. I feel like I have more of a life i'm not as scread to make phone calls and talking about about what i want to talk abaout. There no lead up anxiety to thinking about doing thing's. The benzo has helped heaps as well I took one before i made the phone call today I talked about what i wanted to talk about but now i left with the issues of to many feeling over reacting to and not being able not to cry when. On the phone today the same thing happen as it alway dose the same thing that my daughter is stuggling with right now I feel like i'm going backward in my life threw the stage's that got me to the point of being a a vertual agrophobic. My fear's are not based on what if's my fear are based on alway's happen 95% of the time. I have never been able to make friend's. I'm a highly emotional person and I dont know hoe not to be.
Today after the phone call got to the point of no longer feeling i could control my self any more and the guy at the other end threatning that he cant help i cant keep calm and I was calm for me that was sure I have a loud voice i alway have had it i dont try to talk loud the only reason I wouldn't talk loud is when my anxiety make me feel like I'm mouse so small that I start to wonder if anyone would care if i nolonger exsit. After getting off the phone hanging up mid sentance and thorwing the phone and screaming. the laying numb for a while and then talking in the chat room for a while and ringing my group and asking if I could come in and that said yes i went to the group and i had fue tear's on and off about different thing's. The poeple were really nice and helpfull i didn't feel invisable for once. I joined the group for a talk session it was fun I slowly felt better as the day went by. Had a fue laugh's and had a fue cry's but i felt safe there and I talked i wasn't at home to scared to go anywhere. Thats a huge inmprovment but it feels like i'm stepping from one safe place to new unsafe place and the process starts again. I supose that what i get fo letting my anxiety get this bad. I dont want to disrupt my happyness with in home just to make progress in public but I want a life like everyone is entilttled to. I supose i just have to find the strenght to fight for what i want as well as what the kids need.
I'm a little numb still but doing ok over all. I'm tired I think i'll put the baby to bed and have a nap.
Today after the phone call got to the point of no longer feeling i could control my self any more and the guy at the other end threatning that he cant help i cant keep calm and I was calm for me that was sure I have a loud voice i alway have had it i dont try to talk loud the only reason I wouldn't talk loud is when my anxiety make me feel like I'm mouse so small that I start to wonder if anyone would care if i nolonger exsit. After getting off the phone hanging up mid sentance and thorwing the phone and screaming. the laying numb for a while and then talking in the chat room for a while and ringing my group and asking if I could come in and that said yes i went to the group and i had fue tear's on and off about different thing's. The poeple were really nice and helpfull i didn't feel invisable for once. I joined the group for a talk session it was fun I slowly felt better as the day went by. Had a fue laugh's and had a fue cry's but i felt safe there and I talked i wasn't at home to scared to go anywhere. Thats a huge inmprovment but it feels like i'm stepping from one safe place to new unsafe place and the process starts again. I supose that what i get fo letting my anxiety get this bad. I dont want to disrupt my happyness with in home just to make progress in public but I want a life like everyone is entilttled to. I supose i just have to find the strenght to fight for what i want as well as what the kids need.
I'm a little numb still but doing ok over all. I'm tired I think i'll put the baby to bed and have a nap.