phil06
08-10-09, 13:21
I just feel scared in dating these days. I've been doing it for two years and the anxiety has just got worse same with finding new jobs.
I have an intense fear about not liking the person, have crazy intrusive thoughts like a woman could be a man because I heard about Lady Gaga. Any woman that's masculine scares me incase there not into people like myself. I know it's crazy at the back of my head I want to see clearly. I know it's highly unlikely but my head says "What If I don't get turned on" "What if people say shes not like a woman". This kind of spurs off my OCD/HOCD and stuff.
When it comes to work I've applied to admin jobs. I'm running scared of call centre work because it would require too much talking. I have worked in shops and you don't need to talk as much. Like I have done call centre work about five years ago but walked out for other reasons. Never lasted long enough to truly sample the job. So it's rooted to fearing of going manic depressed. I fear that so it's got this anxiety above.
I'd describe my thoughts as "far out" and pulling me back from living a normal life. I don't know why i get these now the thing is I go look at any woman is she female..I say yes. When it comes to dating the last couple of dates I've had I've worried she's not feminine enough in the face. I had this issue a few years back but it was one in 10 now almost every woman I'm like "is she really a woman" "is she right for me". I'm also scared of lower class like I'm not posh but the whole cheap, letting myself go lifestyle scares the crap out of me.
I guess I want to be respectable but it's hard to find the line between what I'm capable of and what's good for me. It's all doubt doubt doubt. At the moment I have flu so I'm terrified it's swine flu ect.. that's how crazy my mind works. It hangs on these thoughts and tries to stop me. So like I avoid everything. It wants reassurance and in the end I can't turn down every job and date because of anxiety.
I know these anxiety thoughts are utter rubbish and I'm annoyed but there's that little niggling doubt trying to hold me down. :blush:
The thing is it all started as panic, negative thoughts and I let it Mount to OCD with stress. This is the danger when it starts at first it's stuff like fear of dying, fear of faining then when you realise no I'm fine it moves onto other stuff. The problem is the anxiety's never left me so it's managed to take over my life. I use to avoid the cinema in fear I'd faint, have a big panic attack now I fear being in public in case I get flu, get embarrassed. I still go out, I stay in the situation however when I'm home I feel guilty, silly, ruminating thoughts cycle my head, try and beat me up to a point I feel desperate. I'm posting here as I'm worried, why am I getting these thoughts. I feel weak for letting it carry on this long.
It's such an obscure list but there's stuff I avoid, won't to because of ANXIETY! I can't let anxiety to that can I? :shrug:
I have an intense fear about not liking the person, have crazy intrusive thoughts like a woman could be a man because I heard about Lady Gaga. Any woman that's masculine scares me incase there not into people like myself. I know it's crazy at the back of my head I want to see clearly. I know it's highly unlikely but my head says "What If I don't get turned on" "What if people say shes not like a woman". This kind of spurs off my OCD/HOCD and stuff.
When it comes to work I've applied to admin jobs. I'm running scared of call centre work because it would require too much talking. I have worked in shops and you don't need to talk as much. Like I have done call centre work about five years ago but walked out for other reasons. Never lasted long enough to truly sample the job. So it's rooted to fearing of going manic depressed. I fear that so it's got this anxiety above.
I'd describe my thoughts as "far out" and pulling me back from living a normal life. I don't know why i get these now the thing is I go look at any woman is she female..I say yes. When it comes to dating the last couple of dates I've had I've worried she's not feminine enough in the face. I had this issue a few years back but it was one in 10 now almost every woman I'm like "is she really a woman" "is she right for me". I'm also scared of lower class like I'm not posh but the whole cheap, letting myself go lifestyle scares the crap out of me.
I guess I want to be respectable but it's hard to find the line between what I'm capable of and what's good for me. It's all doubt doubt doubt. At the moment I have flu so I'm terrified it's swine flu ect.. that's how crazy my mind works. It hangs on these thoughts and tries to stop me. So like I avoid everything. It wants reassurance and in the end I can't turn down every job and date because of anxiety.
I know these anxiety thoughts are utter rubbish and I'm annoyed but there's that little niggling doubt trying to hold me down. :blush:
The thing is it all started as panic, negative thoughts and I let it Mount to OCD with stress. This is the danger when it starts at first it's stuff like fear of dying, fear of faining then when you realise no I'm fine it moves onto other stuff. The problem is the anxiety's never left me so it's managed to take over my life. I use to avoid the cinema in fear I'd faint, have a big panic attack now I fear being in public in case I get flu, get embarrassed. I still go out, I stay in the situation however when I'm home I feel guilty, silly, ruminating thoughts cycle my head, try and beat me up to a point I feel desperate. I'm posting here as I'm worried, why am I getting these thoughts. I feel weak for letting it carry on this long.
It's such an obscure list but there's stuff I avoid, won't to because of ANXIETY! I can't let anxiety to that can I? :shrug: