Joellie
09-10-09, 23:33
Im so annoyed with myself. Basically, i had anxiety to start with over my boyfriend and alot of what ifs flew around and i worried i didnt love him but sort of realised its because i was looking at everyone elses views on what love is and not what my own is. I know i love him and i want to spend time with him and i got anxiety and depression because of the "thought" attacks i was getting all the time over it. Long story short though im much better on that front.
But i have a problem. I have a friend thats a guy, that i have no attraction to, he is my dads girlfriends son and we get on really well. Its like he has the same sense of humour as me so we have a laugh. But my anxiey is constantly like doubting everything in me like "is this JUST friendship" and my rational head is like "yes because you dont have butterflies with him" and then it argues with "yeah but you enjoy spending time with him" and i get so messed up about it.
I know i dont like him like that i could never in 100 years picture me having a relationship with him because its just..not like that :S i dunno its wierd my anxiety seems like its trying to make something out of a friendship and i just hate it. I feel guilty about having anxiety over it because its hurtful for my boyfriend. Ive not told him because i know its the anxiety and i need to treat the thoughts like "silly thoughts" but i still just feel all anxious about it.
Once id calmed down though i could think like "well i dont get butterflies when im with him at all and if i ever kissed him it would be wierd" so i know its not like i fancy him.
Ahhh i should stop talking about it im refraining from googling it because my counceller suggested that i stop doing that as it fuels my worry lol but I know that its mutual friendship, its my anxiety i feel like im convincing.
Anyway yeah this is more a vent than wanting advice. I talk to my boyfriend about everything anxiety related even when its about him but this makes me uncomfortable because if i told him i feel like id be hurting him alot because its like im worried i have feelings for someone when i dont. So i need people to talk to about this as my main man cant be involved :(
*must stop thinking about this now*
But i have a problem. I have a friend thats a guy, that i have no attraction to, he is my dads girlfriends son and we get on really well. Its like he has the same sense of humour as me so we have a laugh. But my anxiey is constantly like doubting everything in me like "is this JUST friendship" and my rational head is like "yes because you dont have butterflies with him" and then it argues with "yeah but you enjoy spending time with him" and i get so messed up about it.
I know i dont like him like that i could never in 100 years picture me having a relationship with him because its just..not like that :S i dunno its wierd my anxiety seems like its trying to make something out of a friendship and i just hate it. I feel guilty about having anxiety over it because its hurtful for my boyfriend. Ive not told him because i know its the anxiety and i need to treat the thoughts like "silly thoughts" but i still just feel all anxious about it.
Once id calmed down though i could think like "well i dont get butterflies when im with him at all and if i ever kissed him it would be wierd" so i know its not like i fancy him.
Ahhh i should stop talking about it im refraining from googling it because my counceller suggested that i stop doing that as it fuels my worry lol but I know that its mutual friendship, its my anxiety i feel like im convincing.
Anyway yeah this is more a vent than wanting advice. I talk to my boyfriend about everything anxiety related even when its about him but this makes me uncomfortable because if i told him i feel like id be hurting him alot because its like im worried i have feelings for someone when i dont. So i need people to talk to about this as my main man cant be involved :(
*must stop thinking about this now*