will i ever be stong enough to have children ?

[blessing]

i work in a nursery baby room and have been with my husband for 14 years.
i long to have a child but find the thought of being left on my own with someone else to look after terrifing!!!

when i have a relapes i rely on everyone to be there for me, but what am i suppost to do if i had a child??? its bad enough keeping myself going!

i do not have very many friend or family nearby and the ones i do already have a grown up family so nobody would be around during the day when i need them.

its such a kick in the teeth knowing i would make a great mum but am far to scarered to have one!

people keep telling me that your time is filled up enough looking after a baby that i would have no time to think of myself, but i hate my own company the tv and cant even go for a walk with out my safe person being around.

life sucks!!!!

does anyone else have the same thoughts as myself or is so terrified that they could not even think about having a child??

[GingGangGoolie]

If/when you and your husband have a child you won't be alone. There's lots of help you can get and don't be afraid to ask your GP/Health Vistor for help either. You could also get your child a place in a nursery a few times a week to give you a few hours on your own. Also there's nothing concrete saying you won't be able to cope. I can't wait to be a mum and would love a child but I'm afraid I'll get post natal depression, but I've been told numerous times that just because you have a mental health problem it doesn't mean you'll definetely get it.

[blessing]

big hug to you! cant really talk to anyone about it as they dont understand. about the post natal depression i wonder if i would get it, i know its just me over analising things

[GingGangGoolie]

You should keep telling yourself over and over that your over analysing and don't need to worry too much :) You should visit your GP and have a chat about it and get some reassurance. If you have a history you'll be monitored before and after birth for any signs of post natal depression so it can be treated asap.

My mum never had any mental health issues but then got post natal depression after her eldest and then in her next 3 pregnancies was treated to avoid a reoccurance. And my sister who suffers a little with anxiety and panic was fine after giving birth.

Good Luck :)

*Laura(GGG)*

[cupcakes2009]

yes that was like reading what i think all the time. Im married have been for 6 year im 27 and i feel like time is running out, all my friends have had children and im to scared to. I dont think i ever weill you know but i try and think maybe one day il get better and i will.

[blessing]

ok girls, after a long time thinking and..... in 7mth i am coming off the pill!!!!
Never been so scared in my life, ha i still hate/avoid being on my own, still have no help network and still dont (practise) all the things i avoid! but stuff it..... life must go on!

[empowered]

I suffered awful panic attacks and agraphobia nearly 30 years ago when just married. Fell pregnant and had to spend 7 months in hospital due to high blood pressure but did I feel anxious or have panic attacks - no:D I think this may be the best way forward for you - you will stop navel gazing and internalising your feelings and concentrate on somebody else especially after the baby is born. You can join mother and baby groups and your time will fly by. You''ll make friends whilst pregnant - join the NCT and you will build a strong group of friends, and you'll meet new people at ante natal classes. Above all, enjoy your very precious time with your baby and you'll wonder what ever you were frightened of.:bighug1:Debs x

[Chem]

I started with panic attacks and agoraphobia when my daughter was 8. It was looking after her that kept me going every day. When she had a son, she was unfortuantely alone, so I lived with her and looked after the baby when she went back to work.

Concentrating on him and his needs made me forget all about myself. I had a few shaky moments, but when those happened I left the housework and napped when he did. As he got older (he's 2 now), started to walk and became full of energy I actually managed to take him out in his pram to the local park. I went at times it was quiet. Holding onto the pram helped and we had a lovely time together.

There's no reason you should have PND. Do tell your doc, midwife and Health Visitor of your fears. They will help all they can. :)

[Carys]

Yes, you WILL be strong enough ! Becoming a parent changes you, it just does, and all for the positive. You are no longer the centre of attention for yourself, you naturally make another little person the centre of attention. You will feel an overwhelming need to protect and care for that wee person. The fact that you are so worried that you won't be able to look after this little person shows what a thoughtful and caring parent you will make, as you are already wanting to give your baby/child the best you can.

You know what, even if you struggle at the start or have any mental health problems (I can't deny...I did have a period of depression, but it was an unusual type that was hormone induced), there are people who are there to make sure you have the help you need and will get through it. Health visitors and GPs to name just two. I had EXACTLY the same fears as you, I was terrified and let it spoil my pregnancy to be honest (14 years ago), which I now regret.

My daughter was the best thing that has happened to me in my life ! Since those first few months after the birth, when I was a bit dodgey, I've never looked back. Go for it. :D

[Maxine1001]

I work with a woman whos sister suffers panic attacks and anxiety and had it really bad for years, she said the only thing that stopped them for her sister was having a child because it gave her something else to focus on

[heatherd83]

Blessing - You're scared now - wait until you actually start trying!! :)

I was with my husband for 5 years before we decided to have a baby and those years I always said I never wanted a baby because deep down I was scared about SO many things. I turned a leaf though and decided I would NOT let fear dictate what I do with my life. Does that mean I don't still get panic attacks or have serious issues with fear? No. But I do not let it stop me. I just feel the fear as I go through it. And my pregnancy was complicated, as was my delivery and post partum period. But I got through it and I have my beautiful 16-month-old daughter to show for it. She's my world and I haven't regretted having her for one second. You can do it, get through it, and you'll be amazed at your inner strength in the end. Good luck!