New here and desperate for help, can't go on like this :(

[Cat Lover]

Hello Everyone,

I have suffered with Anxiety, Depression and Panic Attacks for around 15 years now, i was severely bullied at high school school and that's what triggered it all off.
I am 31 now and in the last few months my symptoms have got so bad that i am finding it increasingly hard to cope, i have been on a waiting list to have CBT for nearly a year now, i have been to my GP several times to ask if he could push it as i really do feel desperate for some help but never get anywhere. He says that the CBT is a last resort but thinks that i am going to be me and he is not even sure the CBT will help in my case because i have been like this so long. I just feel like he has no hope for me and feel a lost cause and right now the only things keeping me going are my mum and my 4 cats.
Coming here is my only hope of support, my mum has been wonderful over the years but she is not well herself and has her own problems and i don't feel it's fair to her to keep burdening her with mine. I realize i am the only one who can change things at the end of the day but i'm not sure i can or if it's too late to make a difference :(

[nomorepanic]

Hi Cat Lover

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[lisa l]

keep your chin up hun ive been suffering with panie attacks for about 7 years but sort of blocked it out it came to a head about 4 months ago wen i relised what was wrong with me i started to panick about haveing panic attacks so i went to see the doctor an right away he put me down for cbt been going now for 4 wks an it is helping a bit very early days i could be wrong but im sure if you ask for cbt he should refer you he dosent sound like a very understanding doctor x

[challangerchris]

Hi Cat Lover,

Sorry to hear about your problems, been bullied really isn't fair - thats why I wear a anti-bullying wrist band.

Hope you find some positives from this site, everyone here is wonderful. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

Good luck,
Chris x

[Cat Lover]

Thanks for your kind replies, my medication was changed this week. I was on Mirtazapine but i felt they were not really helping me plus they were making me put on weight which i can't afford to do as i have a knee problem.
They were changed to Citalopram and i haven't started taking them yet, i am too afraid to at the moment as i have heard they can make you feel worse for a while and to be honest i'm not sure i could handle feeling worse than i do now.
I am also on Propranolol and Diazepam.
For the last 3 weeks i have had a constant butterflies/churning feeling in my stomach even when i am in bed, i even have it now as i am writing this. It is very unpleasant and i quite often get palpitations and chest pains with it. It's a bit of a vicious circle as i'm a constant worrier due to my anxiety and since it started i can't take my mind off it which is just making it worse. I took a Diazepam today and it did nothing for it and the Propranolol don't seem to be helping the palpitations either. I feel i could just burst into tears, i feel so bad.

[rachaelt]

Hi Catlover,

First off please don't worry, you WILL learn to cope with it all.
Let me tell you a little of myself so hopefully you will feel like you're not on your own. I had my first panic attack four years ago, totally out of the blue. I thought at the time something was seriously wrong with me health wise i.e. physically and kept going to the doctors. It went on for months and then I started noticing that I was avoiding things like motorways and it took me 4 hours to get to work one day when it should have taken an hour! I battled quite a long time with my GP and all I was given was Diazepam to take as and when. I was still fighting against having this illness and to be honest it took me a long time to admit it to myself. You seem to have already done that and believe me as soon as you accept it, it makes things so much easier! I eventually saw a different GP at the same surgery and he put me on Propranolol and put me forward to a specialist. I saw a member of the specialists team and felt boosted that somebody might finally help! Unfortunately I was missed off a list of attending CBT and ended up seeing a nurse once a month, who although did their job, it was just a quick 5 mins in and out to see if I was ok on the tablets(I had since been put on citalopram). I just felt worse amd worse and felt let down.
This sounds all a bit negative so far but keep going honestly. I have been on and off the medication (my own stupid choice) and got worse again last year, I went back to the GP and this time asked what was available to me, took pen and paper in and wrote everything down. I soon learnt that there are almost two types of 'therapy' or 'help' and you need to get this clear from your doctor. One deals with the medication side which is great but wasn't the therapy I thought I was getting, but after I kept asking, I eventually got referred to the Therepeautic Recovery Services, I'm not sure if every local NHS has one but it's certainly worth asking. I've been going for 8 weeks now and not got to the CBT part yet but it's really helping.

I've not suffered with side affects at all from Citalopram and yes I would rather not be on them but it got to the point that I needed something to almost settle me before I could even begin thinking about 'talking therapy'. I am no longer on propranalol but have it almost as emergency tablets.

Keep going to your GP and ask where you are on the list, is there anything else you can go to i.e. private if you can afford it, group sessions etc. I found the waiting list wasn't that bad for CBT with Occupational Health but appointments with phyciatrists are a nightmare. Common sense things that do help it eating loads of fruit and veg and regular walking and as boring as it sounds for us 30 year olds, a nice milky drink and an early night.

I promise you will learn to cope with panic attacks.

Rachael (also a cat lover) x

[Cat Lover]

Thank you so much everyone for your replies, it has been very reassuring to know i am not alone. Yesterday was a very bad day and everything just seemed so bleak, today i am feeling a little more optimistic which can only be a good thing.
I have been back to the doctor this morning and he said he would refer me to a High Intensity Therapist, not quite sure what that is but i am just grateful for any kind of help right now. He said there would be several weeks wait which came as no surprise. He was unable to tell me how far on the list i was for CBT so i guess it's just a matter of playing the waiting game.
Thank you again everybody