Can't decide what to do.....

[tiredzombie]

Hi,
I'm on prozac at the mo for depression, but I have no idea whether its working or not, or if I should even be on it. I went to the doctor in the first place because I'm so sick of feeling drained all the time. Its hard to describe, but its kind of like there's this fog in my brain. So much of the time I just don't want to do anything, which is weird for me. I can't concentrate on any of the things that used to interest me. I feel mentally exhausted. I sleep loads, but when I do I'm constantly having disturbing dreams, and when I wake up I still feel tired. I just have no energy or desire to do anything much. I have a lot of rather dark thoughts, as I tend to dwell on things pretty deeply, but I'm not sure whether that's because of 'depressed styles of thinking' or just an accurate perception of the world. I've filled in a couple of questionnaires at doctors and counsellors which have me down as 'mild-moderate depressed', but those things always seem pretty arbitrary. While one doctor prescribed drugs, another said I didn't need them and should just try thought-control techniques (was having side-effects from the drugs, but there less severe now.)

A few days back I woke up feeling alert and 'with it' for what seems like the first time in years, and I thought it was finally the prozac starting to kick in (I've been taking it for about a month now.) I actually spent the whole day feeling enthusiastic and energetic, and although I still had a lot of dark stuff on my mind, for the first time in ages I felt able to think clearly and cope with it. I felt like myself again. However, since then, its gradually faded, and I'm starting to question whether it was just my imagination. Maybe all it takes for me to feel better is to really believe that I'm going to feel better? If its all in my head then maybe I'm just doing this to myself (I'm pretty good at self-sabotage.) Maybe the drugs really aren't going to do anything for me. Maybe everyone else feels like exhausted all the time too, but they just ignore it and so it doesn't get them down? So confused, and I really just don't know what to do.......

[Bill]

I've copied the following from one of your other posts as I feel your actual issues that are causing you your problems are contained within rather than whether or not the medication is working.

I started uni 3 years ago. I had a lot of trouble talking to people. I didn't go out. I didn't socialise. I just stayed in my room for the best part of six months! My housemates were nice, but I never really bonded with them at all, as on the few occasions when we went out together (fresher's week) I was too anxious to get to know them properly. I'm pretty sure they thought I was strange. It got to the stage where I would avoid cooking meals just so I wouldn't have to meet them in the kitchen, and endure the awkward feeling I got. Every time I left my room I would feel incredibly anxious.
Eventually it got to the stage where I felt I just couldn't go on anymore, and I decided to drop out. Luckily my family were very supportive, but I kind of regret not dealing with my issues at the time, as they've only got deeper since.
I'm now (also) 22, and it still feels like I have no life, despite attempts I make every now and then to break out of my rut and meet people. Never had sex or a serious relationship, and I know it feels embarassing and is just another thing to get anxious about. I'm also living at home (how loserish is that?), and worrying about applying to return to uni again next year.

Just to sum up...you went to uni but you suffered problems with socialising due to feeling too anxious causing you to stay in your room (perhaps due to the stress you were feeling in your studying). You later decided that you couldn't carry on which may have resulted in feelings of being a failure due to your anxiety. You now feel stuck at home with your parents which also causes you feelings of guilt and now you also feel you have no life because you feel your problems have become deeper and left undealt with since leaving uni.

Medication will help lift an anxiety sufferers mood but medication doesn't cure the underlying causes to your anxiety which also causes your depressed feelings.

When we suffer from anxiety, guilt, depression and a feeling of being trapped, it often results in restless nights with bad dreams because our subconscious will play out all our problems while we're asleep.

I think the main cause to your problems are really due to the anxious feelings you suffer from when socialising with others. In a way, what has happened is you have retreated into a shell (the safety of home) which has now made it feel like your problems have become deeper because you've created a trap for yourself. However, I think the original anxiety with others may well have been created by stress you were feeling in your studying at uni but now you're away from those surroundings the stress no longer exists. I think though it may have left more of a fear of it happening again with others but it won't providing you don't now allow your fear to create the anxious feelings that first occurred purely due to stress at uni. To try and explain that.....when we feel under alot of stress, we can suddenly experience a panic attack which then results in producing a fear of experiencing more attacks and it then becomes that fear that produces more. Take away the fear and the panics stop because the original stress no longer exists that created the initial attack. Hope that makes sense.

The only way to break free is to push yourself to go out and mix with others. To make friends and create a social life so that you re-build your confidence mixing with others. This will then help you to feel less trapped and ease your feelings of being in a rut. In turn, your mood will then also lift so you will then feel more alive and more able to work out a plan for the future.

I don't honestly feel you will then need any meds because you'll feel free and able to enjoy life again because you'll feel much more positive about yourself and the way ahead.

When you're not able to socialise, find things of interest to make you want to get up each day such as a hobby or visit friends.

I'm quite sure things will improve for you and one day you won't need or be worrying about meds because you'll be enjoying life again mixing with others.:winks: Oh, and by the way, I was 28 before I met my wife and I never had a g'f before meeting her so you have some way to go yet if you want to beat me! lol):whistles:

[tiredzombie]

Hi Bill, thanks for taking the time to reply.
Totally agree about anxiety being the route cause of my problems. To be honest though it was a big problem for me even before I went away to uni, and just kind of reached crisis point for me there. I had social anxiety all through school as well and was pretty withdrawn then too (just not to the same extent.) I don't think it really had anything to do with the stress from studying - I just wasn't able to cope with being around people that much. It's a people thing rather than a panic attack caused by stress, and its something I get whenever I meet new people, not just at uni.

You're also right about that withdrawal leading to guilt and a lot of other negative feelings, but there's also a lot of other stuff that has come on since then. And that stuff then leads to bad dreams when the subconscious tries to work it out. And that then makes me feel drained during the day, which makes it hard to keep interest in or focus on anything.

I still find it very hard to be around people a lot of the time, although there are things I can do sometimes that make it easier. But its difficult to force myself to go out and be around people, as I suppose I've developed a kind of phobia over the years.

I have tried to push myself out and meet people. I did volunteer work for a while and enjoyed some of it, but I just found the anxiety gradually took over again until it was just too hard. Its also very difficult to push yourself to do things like that when a large part of you doesn't see the point, if you know what I mean. You can enjoy it in the moment, but afterwards your negative thoughts return and you still wake up the next day feeling like the whole thing's pointless, and you've achieved nothing. I always seem to end up just cutting myself off, so I now have no friends.

A large part of me knows that my social anxiety problems need to be dealt with if I'm going to move on, but I guess I was looking for something to make it easier, so I would be able to stick with it and get through it rather than giving up, which is why I went to the doctors. Maybe I was kidding myself though. Maybe its just something I have to push myself through, even if most of the time I feel its pointless.