View Full Version : Dont know what to do
Hello
I have been married for 31 years and 3 months ago my wife left me.
She was my life and still is i have 2 boys one 19 he is with his mum and shane 16 he is with me.I know she is not going to cum back and i am having a hard time copping with out her.I have been off work most of this time only went back last week hoping it might help me its not. About six weeks ago the doctor put me on citalopram 20mg and diazepam 5mg because i was in such a mess. A week later i overdosed on the tablets it was only by luck that sum one found me and got me to hospital.They sent me to a place called the haven for seven days to try and help me.While i was there i decided i did not want the medication i am sure it was this that pushed me over the edge. But last night i started thinking about ending it again it was bad. Went to work this morning but had to go to the doctors things are getting so bad. The doctor has put me back on citalopram 20mg dont know what to do .I know i have my son to think about but i am feeling so down.
nomorepanic
12-10-09, 15:49
Hi chrisl
A huge warm welcome to nmp.
You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.
Best wishes
gypsywomen
12-10-09, 16:00
hi Chris sounds like your going through very hard time ,,please don't think of harming yourself,,life is so precious,,how would you feel if your son did something like that because he was sad ,,you would be devastated,well that's how he would feel if anything happened to you,,believe me you wouldn't want your boy thinking it might be his fault in some way,,i know what i am talking about it happened to me ,,i have never got over it ,,it is selfish wanting to take your own life ,,you are in control of your destiny, I know its hard when someone leaves you ,when you loved and still love them ,but you have to Carry on ,,go to work ,,the more you sit and think the worse it becomes..i hope dont mind me saying this i just don't want you to think of ending your life you only get one no 2nd round maggie:)
annabanana
12-10-09, 18:00
Have you thought about counselling? You are, in a way, going through a grieving process and sometimes, people need help with this process. It's nothing to be ashamed about...it can be really helpful to talk to someone who has an objective stance. If you're feeling suicidal, it's definitely important to see your doctor again...I find it useful to write down how I'm feeling and give it to the doctor to read, that way you don't have to rely on speech so much...it can be easy to get tongue-tied or not know how to put something. Also keep Samaritans number handy and use it if you're feeling suicidal again...I'll admit i've never felt suicidal but have self-harmed and I find that doing something physical helps although it can be the hardest thing to do when you're depressed...I like to walk along the seafront and throw stones into the sea, anything to get the tension out.
Keep going and please try and get some help...doctor, counsellor, us on here...anything to add smatterings of positivity back into your life.
Hi Chris.
i am sorry to hear that you are feeling like this,ending your life is not the solution,you have a son,who you have to think about.
i know its hard but you have to live for the sake of your child,he needs you even more now,that his mum is gone.
life seems hard at the moment,but trust me it will get better with time,and keep this thought in your mind,that i have to do this for my son's sake.
you will find lots of support on this site,and helpful people to.
take care.
meena.
Thank you margaret i under stand what you are saying i know it would hurt my son so much [ i have hurt him he has been so strong for me ] but i cannot help but think that he would be better off with his mum. At the moment i am living in the house me and my wife were buying and i no my wife wants it back . My wife is renting a house near to me and i know she is finding things hard .I know i only have my self to blame i have not been violent we just took things for granted.All i want is for my family to get back together in the home they should be in.I know my wife can cope with the way things have turned out but i am getting so down. If i was not around they would all be able to move back home i know it sounds stupid to talk like this but i cannot cope with the mess i have caused.The sad thing is i work in a care home and love my work but it is so hard to look at the residents and not breakdown and cry. I keep thinking that should be me and my wife growing old together but that will never happen .No i dont want to die yet but i know i am not Strong enough to go on with out my wife and sons i just want them to be together
Hi Chris,
Sorry you are having such a hard time. Please don't do anything like that again - you are too precious for that. You deserve to start your life over again. I know it won't be easy but you can do it - others have been in your shoes and have turned a corner. Take your doctor's help and give yourself some T.L.C. Please take care.
Myra:hugs:
Hi Chris
Sorry to hear you are having a bad time but glad you found us because there is some really good advice and support on this site.
Take care
Carol
gypsywomen
13-10-09, 08:47
Chris where there is life there is hope, don't you agree if your wife lives near you ,,to me she is saying she still wants to be near to you ,,but for some reason finds it hard for you to live together if i was you i would not give up hope ,things coud work out,,,,she probably still loves you ,,you share family ..and that tie can never be broken so i think there's hope you might get back together take it slow my friends you will get there keep living day at time keep in touch if you need to talk always here my second home lol maggie xxx
Chris i DID think of ending it all 10 years ago when my 29 year old brother was killed. My children were only 7 and 9 but i thought they would be better off without me. Thanks god i didnt do anything about it. I have watched them grow leave school, get jobs. I have laughed with them and i have held them when they have been upset and still do . You have so much to give them and they have so much to give you. Think of all the things you would miss. Your son shane is with you because he wants to be with you he is old enough to decide and has chosen to stay with YOU. You have the choice to stay with him please take it.
gypsywomen
13-10-09, 10:45
hi den gad to heAR YOU DIDNT AND THAT GREAT:bighug1:
Hi Chris
Obviously you are very depressed because of your wife and you splitting up. I do know that when you are so down, and want to end it, all thoughts of those that love and care for you get put aside. I do have personal experience of this. Last year I wanted to end it all and I really hit rock bottom. This time this year I am so glad that I never did anything to harm myself but I never thought last year that I would find be saying that. You will not always feel as you do now. My son has needed me countless times in the past year and if I had not been around he would have had no one to turn to to help him. He needs his mum still even though he is 22. Your sons will always need their dad. You have a duty to be there for them no matter how hard and tough times get.
You wrote that you don't want to die yet so deep down you know you don't want to end your life, however you are suffering greatly and finding it difficult to cope.
Getting started on anti depressants can make us feel terrible at the beginning, so you have that to contend with too, which will be making you feel worse, I am sure.
What has your gp suggested? Has he suggested counselling?
There are a lot of good organisations (The Samaritans) that can help you as you are probably aware of.
If you harm yourself, your sons will suffer for the rest of their life. You will be out of life but your sons will have to carry on with the knowledge of what you did. They are going to need you as their father in their lifetime and you need to be there for them.
They are suffering too I am sure with seeing their mum and dad not together.
Things can improve for you and in a years time you could be a very happy person, and things can be totally different for you, but you have to give yourself that chance of finding out & have hope that your future can be very different to how you are feeling right now.
You are grieving for the loss of your marriage and it is natural to feel like that and you need support and love to help you through this difficult time. You can do it.
Keep posting on here as you will find some really good support.
Let us know how you are getting on.
Hugs to you.
Thanks to every one for your kind words.
Yes poppyc you are right you can get to a point when you forget about everyone else.I never imagined i could ever get to a point in my life were i would want to end it all.I always believed i was a strong and sensible person and never do anything to hurt my family. How wrong can you be.
I do know one thing if shane was not staying with me i would not be writing this.I have started the citalopram this morning had one before i went to work .Finding work hard every day seems like a week.
The citalopram are stronger than i expected but will try and stick with them. The gp will only give me 4 tablets at a time which is a bit inconvenient but understandable. I just find it hard to understand how i got to this.You are all so kind and i know you all have your own problems. I hope at sum point i can start helping you all the support you give to each other is just so heart warming. Again thanks to you all.:bighug1::bighug1:
Hi chris i just thought id give you a quick line...5 years ago my best friend hung himself after a night out together we were more like brothers than friends we'd known each other since 3years old and after the age of about 10 rarely ever spent a day apart the night he died i went home early being tired and he was pleading with me to stay out with him he seemed in such a good mood and had never shown any sort of depression at all so i didnt think anything of it anyway next day i heard and the devastation that has been left behind with his family and friends still affects everyone till this day what im saying is no matter how low or bad you feel that no one cares or your in it alone your not your truelly not...another story is 3 years ago my mum suffered a heart attack witch she was very lucky to come through in the weeks and months after this she she started to suffer from very sever depression she would just cry all day long not sleep and kept talking about how she wished she could just walk infront of a car and end it this is from one of the strongest women ive ever met in my life who was the happiest person ive ever met anyway she got the help she needed after seeing a councillor who called out to the house everyweek to see her (my mum is one of the most private people youll ever meet so it was a shock she agreed to this) and now shes 100% she spoke to me one day and said she never knew how sad she could be but if she could tell anyone whos going through what she went through and feels what she felt shed tell them to struggle through them few dark days and when you come through it you'll be the happiest person alive because you know you never threw your life away thinking it will never get better becasue it does and shes a living testament keep at it chris one day very soon you'll be happy again
Chris, I so understand where you are coming from, my partner left me in July after 18 years, we'd grown apart because I was so busy with other things the last few years that I neglected him. He thought I would be over him in 2 weeks as he put it.
Well 3 months on I am still finding things unbearable, I have had many suicidal thoughts. He thought I no longer loved or needed him, it's only since he left that he's seen just how much I DID care, I didn't show him until it was too late.
My life has come to almost a standstill while I try and get myself together, I force myself to my voluntary job as I can't stand to be in the house too much. I don't have kids, so am totally alone. I have a few good friends but support is fairly thin on the ground.
Me and my ex are still close, he says he will always need me and that I'll always be the person he can be himself with, we love each other but his in love feelings for me wore away because he thought I didn't care.
We were a very close and special couple and I still find it hard it to get my head around. I am incredibly lonely without him.
I was prescribed Citaclopram too but I am phobic
about taking drugs, so I took only a quarter and even that gave me side effects, so I feel I have no choice but to do this without drugs.
I am so scared and feel very vulnerable. There are times when I've literally howled with the pain and am so scared I will have a breakdown, but it is just grief.
I think that we have to believe people when they say things WILL get better. I know that I have heard other people who have survived overdoses say that their lives did improve and that they were so so grateful they survived.
I just wanted to say you are not alone in how you feel and please please don't give up, your sons need their dad, they may never recover if you take your own life, I don't mean that as a guilt trip but as a fact.
As much as I think no-one really cares about me, I know that several people would in fact be devastated if I give up, my ex is a wonderful person and he does not deserve me doing that, it would affect him forever. I owe it to myself to not give up on my life too, our lives are precious and over before we know it anyway!
Keep us posted how you are doing, ok?
Hello Chris
How are you feeling today?
Keep on with the Citalopram - they have been a life saver for me. It took about 6-8 weeks for them to start working properly and gradually as time went on the side effects disappeared.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing because you will get a lot of help and support on here.
Hugs to you
I kept blaming myself for mine and my partner's break up but as he pointed out to me it takes two, he said maybe he could have fought harder to save us, maybe he could have made more of a fuss when things started to go wrong etc etc. So unless you were mentally or physically abusive then it was probably down to the both of you, it is so easy to take each other for granted, a lot of couples make this mistake.
We found Relate helpful, but we left it too late to seek help.
Thank you margaret i under stand what you are saying i know it would hurt my son so much [ i have hurt him he has been so strong for me ] but i cannot help but think that he would be better off with his mum. At the moment i am living in the house me and my wife were
buying and i no my wife wants it back . My wife is renting a house near to me and i know she is finding things hard .I know i only have my self to blame i have not been violent we just took things for granted.All i want is for my family to get back together in the home they should be in.I know my wife can cope with the way things have turned out but i am getting so down. If i was not around they would all be able to move back home i know it sounds stupid to talk like this but i cannot cope with the mess i have caused.The sad thing is i work in a care home and love my work but it is so hard to look at the residents and not breakdown and cry. I keep thinking that should be me and my wife growing old together but that will never happen .No i dont want to die yet but i know i am not Strong enough to go on with out my wife and sons i just want them to be together
gypsywomen
15-10-09, 13:42
:bighug1:hi chris hpoe your feeling bit better
Thank you for asking how i am.
The last three days have not been very good, started the citalopram 20mg on tuesday, Found it very hard to concentrate at work head spinning, hot flushes, shaking, no sleep.Decided not to take one this morning ,cannot go to work like that, don't know what to do now, i have to keep going to work nothing els left apart from shane.Not looking forward to the weekend, wish i had started the citalopram when i was off work,but too late now wont be able to work taking them.Don't want another weekend like all the last ones wont be able to handle much more of this ,nothing going right,shane wont be hear this weekend, my wife collected our three greyhounds last week so they are not hear now,it feels like every thing is just slipping away.I know i have to think of shane that is why i have to go to work,but shane is out most nights with his friends witch is good for him. just feel all alone,wish i could let lorraine go but i cannot i dont think i ever will,i know i should stop thinking like this but lorraine has been my life.Lorraine has had server back problems for years, she is taking lots of different pain killers,i kept telling her stop taking so many they are not good for you. Now i know i should have been a lot more sympathetic.About 8 months ago lorraine had a fall and was
unconscious for a long time. She had lots of test witch all said she was fine ,but i new lorraine had changed and she did too,and this is how we have ended up like this, and that is why i now she is not coming back. that is why i find it so hard to handle because i now she is not the person i know and there is nothing i can do,that is why i cannot let go. I know i need sum medication but i also have to go to work ,where do i go from here ?
MY biggest fear is if lorraine meets some one else when i know she is not her self , that is sum thing i could not handle , i just wanted to explain my situation a bit more.
Things are so bad , i don't know where to turn next, work is so hard cannot stop thinking about just ending it all,i keep trying and trying but i keep thinking its just to hard to keep going ,every day is one long fight which i am loosing. People tell me it will get better but i cannot see that happening ,i will miss my sons and wife so much,i dont know why i am telling you all this perhaps you are the only people that understand how bad things can get.I admire you all for having the strength to fight back , perhaps i don't want to fight back, i have no one else to talk to or to listen to me . i am sorry for being such a pain, i am in floods off tears now this is getting to much for me.
I wish had some strength I could give you at the moment Chris, all I can say is I am in a very similar place. I am so frightened that my ex will find someone else soon, I don't feel I can handle the pain. I had a lovely evening with him last night, but I always come away with mixed feelings.
I feel I wasn't good enough for him anymore, he didn't make me feel that, it's just a feeling.
I'm not sure how to get through this.
How are you today?
hi aliblack
people don't now how much it hurts to love someone until they are gone,
i really wish i could help you , all i can say is i know how much it hurts ,
keep strong
Right, went to work came home NOT GOOD, went to doctors ,been put on LOFEPRAMINE 140 mg a day , citalopram had bad side effects , going to start counseling next Tuesday , this doctor actually cared , must stop felling sorry for my self and start to do something about it. Doctor said i could only have 1 weeks supply because i OD last time ,got home and they have given me 56 tablets DO YOU THINK THEY ARE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING ? HA ,hope these tablets are better, feel a bit more relaxed now i know this doctor is willing to help me.
So glad your doc is willing to help you :) Really good that you will be getting counselling, yippee!!! Hang in there :)
Be kind to yourself :hugs:
Right, went to work came home NOT GOOD, went to doctors ,been put on LOFEPRAMINE 140 mg a day , citalopram had bad side effects , going to start counseling next Tuesday , this doctor actually cared , must stop felling sorry for my self and start to do something about it. Doctor said i could only have 1 weeks supply because i OD last time ,got home and they have given me 56 tablets DO YOU THINK THEY ARE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING ? HA ,hope these tablets are better, feel a bit more relaxed now i know this doctor is willing to help me.
Thanks aliblack , feel very good tonight best i have felt in months , every one keep strong :yesyes:
That's great news :) I'm not too bad today either. Remember that grief is up and down and that having bad days don't not mean you have gone back to square one again :)
Thanks aliblack , feel very good tonight best i have felt in months , every one keep strong :yesyes:
How are you doing Chris? I am struggling today, convinced he has found someone new, it is really doing my head in :weep:
Hi aliBlack
Sorry to hear you are not to good , yes its hard to think strait when you are so down , i am the same it hurts so much to think that the one you love might be seeing someone else , even if they are not , my mind is just running wild at the minute , had to stop the meds cannot cope with them, have to go back to docs for something else , sat hear last night with 50 tablets in front of me , finding it so hard , its not getting any better , You sometimes think is it worth all the pain we have to go through, we have to try to be strong but its hard :weep: even if we have people that depend on us its still hard to keep going even though we know it would hurt them if we where not hear:weep:
text my wife today she agreed to come round and talk , think i made a big mistake , i just wanted to make me feel a bit better and see how lorraine was. She was very hard with me ,i no lorraine i not coming home but i had to see her and try and talk .I was in tesco yesterday and i saw her at the check out she did not see me , i just left all my shopping and left it was so hard to see her in there because we were not together , it was heart breaking.when she came round it was not the lorraine i knew , she was so hard i know its her way of dealing with it , i was hoping that we could still be very good friends , she told me it would be better if i did not see her because it upsets me so much. I need to see her,i could see she did not want to be hear i just wanted to try and make things better. I dont understand why she has to be so hard on me , its just destroying me bit by bit . All i do is think about lorraine i just cannot let go i dont want to let go i just want lorraine back. I wish someone could help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, My mind wont stop thinking ,it just keeps spinning ,i talk to my self about lorraine i wake up thinking about lorraine , i realy think i am loosing it , i miss her so much , i wish i had died when i , i am sorry for not , i dont know what i am doing any more. Think it has sunk in that things will never be the way i want them to be and i cannot Handel it , its all gotten out of control dont know what to do next , think its going to end bad
im new to this site i know things must be realy hard for you at the moment hope you get through it m8.
I dont think i am helping my self or any body else by posting on this site , thanks to all of you who tried to give me help,:hugs:. I dont want to post things that might upset someone , i will try to find another way to sort things out :shrug: , i hope you all find a way to make your problems a little bit easer to deal with. thank for trying.
Chris, I will PM you now.
challangerchris
25-10-09, 16:43
Hiya chrisl,
Your story is very similar to mine, but both my kids are still very young and me and my ex were only together 4 years before we split. You were together 30 odd years so god knows how that must feel, but I can pretty much imagine how bad it is for you right now.
Its been 2 years now since we split and I won't lie to you but the 1st year and a bit was sooo hard to deal with. I also wanted to end it, but I didnt and I'm glad I didn't - when you start to heal and get better your eyes will open up to a whole new world out there, lots of other people and plenty opportunities.
I think Lorraine is trying to be cruel to be kind, she can see how you have changed since you split and she most likely feels like putting some short-term distance between you and her while your head gets used to the idea. You have two sons together and no doubt you have been a great Dad, she knows this so you'll always have something special together and given time im sure you can be close freinds still, and who knows eh - just take one day at a time for the mo. Don't think about the future yet, it will screw you up, deal with each day as you need for now, time is a healer. Once you are feeling better then you can start to think of a plan to move forward.
My biggest fear about my situation is my two babies getting a new daddy and doing all the things like cuddling up before bed and bathing.....such a hard thing to deal with but just think of how many people split up etc, they all deal with it somehow and we must too.
PM if you ever want to chat, never feel alone!! :)
Good luck bud
Chris
Southern_Belle
25-10-09, 21:48
Hi Chris,Welcome to NMP. It would be a shame for you to leave since you are receiving support. Depression, no matter what the cause, is difficult to handle on your own. We are here to help if you want it.Take care,Laura
Over the last few days i think things have started to become a bit more clear to me. Yes i did make a mistake by seeing lorraine but i think it also helped me see that i have to start getting my life back on track . I cannot keep hoping that she will come back i just makes things worse for me and i have to think of shane now. I do realize what a fool i was to try and end things , it would have been so terrible for shane if i had . Yes i know there will still be lots of up's and downs but i also know that after what i have been through over the last few months i can keep moving forward. I have a job that i love , and the staff there have been so supportive , i have a wonderful son to luck-after, and hopefully one day see him get married . not for getting my other son of course which i dont see much off , typical 19 year old lots of things to do, what a fool i would be to lose all that , plus i have all the wonder full resident of the care-home where i work to help look after. I have stopped all my medication because it was just to much for me , going to see my doctor on Thursday to sort some medication out for when i need it. Also going for first counseling next Tuesday , as for lorraine will leave her to decide when she is ready to talk to me , i am sure sooner or later we will be able to be friends , and at least shane sees his mum most nights which is good for him , at least he still has both of us close to him. I have had so much support from you all and yes it has helped me so so much, we never know what tomorrow will bring , some times good some times bad we just have to learn to live with it the best way we can but some times we have to go to hell and back before we can.
Chris,
I am so pleased to hear that you are feeling a bit more positive, we will help and support you all the way the best we can.
And always remember, you have a whole bunch of people here who care.
best wishes
di xx
Thanks Di every body on hear give so much support to each other even thou we all have our cross to bear ,which does help because we all understand what other people are going through. Its still hard to come to terms with but yes i do feel more positive , one day at a time and DON'T think to far ahead which is what i was doing and that does not help.
Hi Chris, I'm afraid I can't offer you any advice, because I have just found myself in exactly the same boat. My wife and I have been together for 25 years, and it seems I too took our relationship for granted. She had apparently been unhappy with me for years, but never told me. She left me two days ago, to move into a flat on her own, so that she can continue an affair with another man who is also married, and has no intention of leaving his wife. I am completely bewildered and devastated. I feel like my world has ended. I can't even motivate myself to make a cup of tea.
I love her so much and she knows it. We have a son aged 26, and a daughter 20, who have both left home in the last 12 months, so I am also left in the family home but I'm on my own. I have never been on my own before in my life, and I absolutely hate it. I have been on Citalopram 20mg for about 6 weeks now, but I don't know if it's doing me any good. Yesterday, I too was contemplating ending it all. But I know I can't do that to my children. I am completely lost without my wife. I don't know what to do either. Caring for someone else has been my reason for being. What do 51 year old blokes do when they're on their own in an empty house?
LuckyMan DONT do what i did i was so close to not being hear it would have bean such a big mistake , There is nothing i can say to you that will make you feel better , the last few months have been a complete nightmare for me , i was put on medication but it just made things worse for me , i wont lie to you it will probably be the hardest thing you are ever likely to go through, Yes it is really easy to get to a point where you say to your self thats it, its a lot easer than people think to end it all when you know your life is going to be so empty. you get to a point where you just cannot take any more,THE hardest part is having the strength not to end it. from what you are saying it seems like me your wife is your life and nothing else matters. I know how bad it hurts , the only thing that might help you a bit is that in the last few days ,i have been thinking a bit more positive and it is helping me , dont get me wrong it is still very very hard and the only way i am doing it is by trying to except the fact that lorraine is not coming home, Yes i still have a fight on my hands but i think i am just starting to see a glimmer of light at the end of tunnel . You must talk and talk and talk it does help a lot , do what i have been doing post on hear as much as you can , it has help t me alot , there are a lot of good careing people on hear to help you ,if you need to talk pm me, and if i can start to see a bit of hope i am sure you will one day. Its just that we have to get rid of all the sadness in our hearts .
keep strong and safe LuckyMan
So sorry to hear this, the love of my life left me in July after 18 years as I had been taking him for granted, we are good friends still, but the pain is immense. Please PM me anytime as I know exactly how it feels. Take care.
Hi Chris, I'm afraid I can't offer you any advice, because I have just found myself in exactly the same boat. My wife and I have been together for 25 years, and it seems I too took our relationship for granted. She had apparently been unhappy with me for years, but never told me. She left me two days ago, to move into a flat on her own, so that she can continue an affair with another man who is also married, and has no intention of leaving his wife. I am completely bewildered and devastated. I feel like my world has ended. I can't even motivate myself to make a cup of tea.
I love her so much and she knows it. We have a son aged 26, and a daughter 20, who have both left home in the last 12 months, so I am also left in the family home but I'm on my own. I have never been on my own before in my life, and I absolutely hate it. I have been on Citalopram 20mg for about 6 weeks now, but I don't know if it's doing me any good. Yesterday, I too was contemplating ending it all. But I know I can't do that to my children. I am completely lost without my wife. I don't know what to do either. Caring for someone else has been my reason for being. What do 51 year old blokes do when they're on their own in an empty house?
Last two weeks have been up and down , just great-full i have a job to go to it takes my mind of things.Hate having to cum home to an empty house , weekends are very hard to get through , people at work tell me i should start to get out more , just dont want to . I think the feeling sorry for my self bit has gone , decided not to go to counseling didn't want to go-back over all that i have been through again , just going to try and get through it with out meds and counseling . I think i can but still feel all alone , things have changed so much for me , had no contact with lorraine for along time now, find that hard, but must try and keep a strait head . Had quite a bit of anxiety but hopefully i will be able to keep it under control , just hope im not kidding my self ,
Things just getting worse miss her so much dont no how much more i can take.Every day i think about ending it , my son stays at his mums at the weekends just find it so hard to understand why this has happened. Constantly thinking about her when i go to bed when i wake up when i go to work every hour of every day its destroying me and there i nothing i can do about it.I have tried so hard to keep going for shanes sake but he spend alot of time round at his mums now and i think he would rather be there. NO one to help me any more , lorraine was and is my life with out her i have no life , no amount of meds , talking , time , will ever change that and if i am honest i dont want to try and keep going with out her , even if lorraine did cum back i think i have been through to much and hurt to much to keep going on. I know its just a matter of time now .
gypsywomen
29-11-09, 12:31
chris its a sad story i am sorry you are so sad you never know she could come back dont give up hope never xxxlove mandy
Finding things hard at the min, thank god i still manage to go to work , not taking any meds except for the odd diazipam when they will give them to me.Doc keeps telling me to go on sum medication i know i need it but frightened i wont be able to go to work. After what happend last time a bit apprehensive about taking sum. starting to get bad thoughts again is there any thing i can take that wont affect me going to work and feeling bad . Would like to take more diazipam because they help me but the doc is reluctant to give them to me because of the over dose i did. I know i wont do that again if they give me more than they are , i get 7 tabs for 2 weeks its not enough , just need sum thing to help me get through this bad patch , any help would be much appreciated thanks ,
Goodbye know what i must do , thanks to all of you who tried to help.
Have a good Christmas,
hi to you all
feel a bit embarrast to be posting on hear after just reading my post :blush:
its been the worst 7 months of my life, so close to loosing it,but things are getting better:yesyes: there is light at the end of the tunnel . its just a long bloody tunnel
Hi Chris
Glad to see that you are back. It does take time and it is a very bumpy road. Seek all the support you can. Counselling, your GP, friends you trust. The long winter is showing signs of becoming more springlike, things can get better and they will in time.
:hugs: for you, I hope the light at the end of the tunnel gets bigger.
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