Can anxiety be caused by paticular people?

[rachy_babyx]

This is a bit of an odd post but something i've been wondering about for a while?

can anxiety be caused by particular people?

it seems that certain people cause my anxiety as opposed to anything within me

my father has always been very over protective and would always point out the dangerous world we live in. I know now he was trying to do the right thing but i feel his constant reinforcment of why so many situations were dangerous has led to me being very actively aware of them. Also he has foot in mouth disorder and can really emphasise the dangers i faced namely having my son. my anxiety began after the birth of my son when i was very ill with pre eclampsia my blood pressure rocketed and was so high i was in imminent danger of a heart attack, my dad was the one to tell me this.
since then ive had an ectopic pregnancy and when i try to move on and think about having another baby my dad always points out how dangerous the first two pregnancies were. even though i don't live with him he interferes in my everyday life.

my brother also causes me a lot of anxiety as he is a pathological liar and has made many things up about my brother and dad. although i'm pretty sure they're untrue there's this part of me that worries they are true. it's really driving a wedge between me and my family. when they were all away for a fortnight i felt relaxed and happy with my life but when they are around it comes back, i also get over anxious when they're round my son as i don't really trust them with him when im not there.

does anyone have any advice or should i simply stay away from them?

i live a short distance from my mums and when i try to stay away and have a break she phones me constantly and accuses me of trying to stop her seeing her grandson and of being cruel.
It's hard but i just want them to let me live my own life sometimes

[Piglet]

Hi rachy,

Not an odd post at all hun.

I too have a few people in my life who have either made me anxious in the past or still do (think we would all agree with you there).

I had pre-eclampsia too with my first pregnancy and as such my daughter was born 2 months early (I was slightly tempted to call her Thumbelina but as she is now 5ft 9 it was good that I didn't lol). Although I didn't start having problem anxiety at that time I still think it was a scary experience that I stored up inside.

An age old trick for dealing with people who make you anxious is to imagine yourself in a bubble (I use a pink one) to give you protection. Also in all my self-help books I quite like the notion that we are really only in charge of our own behaviour and can't be responsible for others doings etc.

Love Piglet:)

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[desperate]

Yes definitely!!

My mum is quite an anxious person and I can feel my anxiety rising with her sometimes almost like i get distressed for her!

I just have to try and remind myself just because she is scared i dont have to be!

First Anxiety...then panic attacks...now GAD and depression...now working on a better future!

[Trev]

I think it's a very interesting post.

Without wishing to get all philosophical, technically, nobody can MAKE you feel something. Ultimately, it is you that makes you feel something. However, the feeling you have is dictacted by your thoughts which again is dictated by factors such as past experience, your beliefs, your values, rational thinking etc.

Something that winds you up (or someone in this case) doesn't make you feel the way you do. It's YOUR reaction to them that makes you feel the way you do.

I've only gone into detail on this technical point for one reason. Realising it is your reaction then frees you up a bit as you now know you have a degree of choice in it all. You can choose to change your thoughts on certain things they do and hence change the feelings.

For what it's worth, my opinion is that they have been extremely unhelpful to you in their comments and behaviour and I'm in no way surprised you react to them as you do.
I would have thought that speaking to them about how you feel might be a start. They may not even realise the effect of the things that they say to you.
Ultimately, it is your life and you have a right to live it how you wish, free from fear and without being held to emotional blackmail.

Cheers,
Trev :)

[clickaway]

Whilst I don't have any major hang-ups with my family members, they do affect my anxiety to some degree, and so yes, other people do affect our anxiety.

As for what you can do in your situation, I'm not sure how practical it would be for you to distance yourself from your family as regards moving away from them.

Presumably you have ties in your area, but if you could get away, that may be a kind of release that may do you good in the longer term. But as others have said, its how YOU think that its important, and not how they react.

Take Care,



Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[Peru83]

I know this might sound like a daft thing to say but have you told them they make you feel like this?

Do what I do with my mum who is an interfering bleep bleep bleep,lol, just tell them your not interested and when they try to persist with their 'story' just add I don't want to fall out with you but if I have to! they will soon get the idea that your not buying into it anymore! For goodness sake you sound like you have enough to deal with, without them putting logs on the fire!

If that doesn't work try immagrating!lol[:P], only joking!

hope things get better soon.

Take Carexx

Claire

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

[carldourish]

Try this experiment:

Think of someone who annoys you, or whom you find it stressful to think about or spend time with, remember their face. Now as you look at their face in your imagination, ask yourself:

* Is it a colour image or is it black & white?
* Are you making it to the left, to the right, or right in front of you?
* Is it big or small?
* Light or dark?
* Moving or still?

Now let's play with the way you are currently representing that person in your mind. Try out each of these changes in turn and notice what happens.

* If your image of that person is moving, freeze-frame the picture.
* If the image has any colour in it, drain it all away until it looks like an old black & white photograph
* Shrink the image until it's tiny.
* Move the location of the image so it's further away.
* Give the person a clown's nose, pink hair & mickey mouse ears.
* Imagine the sound of their voice. Then alter it by giving them a deep, sexy voice. Change it again until they sound like a squeaky little mouse.

By making these changes in your internal representations, you are reprogramming the way you feel.

Think of the person again in that new way.....now how do you feel about them now?

(The purpose of life is a life of purpose)

Carl

[BrandyS]

I was just kind of browsing, reading some old posts and came across this one. I am fascinated by this, as I have thought all along that my anxiety is mainly triggered by my mother. She sounds an awful lot like yours, only she lives just around my driveway!! Sometimes I feel as if I am being watched 24 hours a day. She is very overbearing, and like yours, if I try to distance myself, I am taking her grandkids away. My husband can't stand her--can't seem to go one day without a phone call at least. Have you found a solution? I would love to know what to do!!
Brandy

[rachy_babyx]

hi everyone
thankyou so much for all your replies it really has given me a new perspective

i have tried the exercises in my mind you suggested and it has helped me a lot

i've even spoken to my mum about it. i realised i did deliberately "take her grandchild away" to try and make a point sometimes that i need to be independant and for this she had a right to be annoyed.

I haven't found a miracle cure yet for meddling parents but i have tried to replace all the negative thoughts about my mum for positive ones and it does seem i get less anxious around her now

I'm starting to realise maybe the problem is partly my fault as well (she still drives me up the wall tho)

take care all and as someone told me you can't chose your family so you might as well embrace them
Rachel xxx