a little help would be great

[LisaLisa]

Hi everyone

Just would like if soneone could help me a little to not google. I have a very long ongoing saga of health anxiety over some symptoms that google told me are hiv and nothing else although i have had five negative hiv tests. . . . . .

Today and most of the time now the main symptom that is freaking me out and keeping this going is a big squishy pebble like lump in my left cheek that is attached to my parotid salivary gland. Also i have a lymph node up right under it under my jaw and right next to it on both side ( one near the lips and another just infront of my ear. There is nothing that i can find wrong with the other cheek/gland. Also the part of it which stops me fron putting it out of my mind is that my mouth is continualy dry on that side, right along where my teeth join and my tongue on that side.

I went to the dr before and told her about it and she felt the lump and said it feels like a cyst conected to the gland. Thats when i freaked and told her that i was pertified it was caused by hiv. She said ...'this is not a presentation of hiv , not with negative hiv tests'

Becuae of my levels of distress she was not prepared to refer me for it to be looked into as she didnt feel that it was improtant enough to cuase me more anxiety waiting for tests and appointments. She said if she thought it was important she would refer me to a tumour clinic right away.

Well that was nearly six months ago and i have hardly touched it since. But two days ago the dryness was getting on my nerves do i had a really good feel again and was really shocked to find that its even bigger now than it was. The dryness has gotten so much worse since i squashed it about the other day.... i just want it to go ... i was trying to burst it was was really rough with it.

Also she told me that those glands only make 25 percent of the saliva between them so it would not cause a dry mouth if one side wasnt working properly....but i really do feel it.

Can anyone stop me from googling ..... I would really like to be able to beleive that other things other than hiv could cuase this symptom.

I sorry this has gone on for so long...........

Thanks
anyone

Lisa
xxxxx

[rebeccad]

Hi Lisa not seen you on here for ages i assumed you were doing alot better. If you have had it checked by doc then it is fine. If you are really worried why not go back and see a different doctor or just get them to check it again just for your own piece of mind. If your doc thinks its a cyst then thats what it is they have seen lots and lots of cysts and know what they are talking about if they were at all concerned they would refer you. Have you had any luck with starting your cbt again?

[LisaLisa]

Hi Rebbeca
Im far too scared to go and let them, see it. I would rather just forget it but its ironically really hard to do that. Its the dryness I think and the 'what if'.......
Have been off on leave and not near a computer...am a little better though apart from this. Hvent really done anything about starting it again becuae i have had a few good days so felt alittle better. Started really thinking about how accurate the tests should be and it calmed me down a lot.

How is you CBT going ?

Lisa
xxx

[rebeccad]

its going ok it just seems to be a little slow, my appointment got cancelled this week so i feel a little deflated about it all,

[westofengland]

hi don't beat yourself up about it, we all relapse, and it's an indication of how we must keep off Google. You have to trust your doctor and your HIV test results - period. Google will tell you anything you want it to, depending on how you do the search. Mouth ulcers are a sign of HIV too, but like your doctor said, its unlikely just to be one symptom.... If you had a negative test you are negative. I suffer from health and HIV anxiety and it's causing me some problems with the opposite sex as you can imagine! I managed to convince myself everyone I have slept with recently has it!

[LisaLisa]

Thanks westof england

I feel like that sometimes too. I start doubting everything and everyone! Sometimes I even have to remind myself that hiv is actually a virus and that my body hasnt just made it!! Its like the anxiety takes away all the boundaries and parameters of reality and logic!! In lisa land...i have given it to my friend when she shaved her legs with my razor before we went out two years ago and she has given it to her husband....also sometimes i think that my brother and his wife have signs of it too and its becuase SOMEHOW god knows how!!! i have given it to them !!!( no we are not that close a family lol!!)I had a belly button peircing in 2002 and in my anxiety thats where i caught it. It must be becuase i obviously have a strain undetectable by the tests used in 2009 so someone fromthe congo or cameroon must have been on the end of the same peircing needle just before me!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Lisa
xxxx

[j2]

lisa, whenever I read your posts it is like you are channeling my fears. I am sorry you have to suffer with this and that you need google to go away. If you care there are ways to prevent your computer from being able to access google. I hope you are feeling better and please feel free to post. We are here for you.

[Wee-Mee]

If it is any consolation petal,my dad has cysts on his face..he had a smaller one removed last year and has a bigger one that is still there out in his jaw,but he says when he presses under his chin it feels connected there. He hadone on the other side on his cheek and that randomly burst and he had one on the back of his neck that seemed to just fade away. But my dad does not have HIV. I have read alot of your posts and they are of this massive fear of hiv and it breaks my heart cos I know how much people can tell us we are fine,anxiety always screams louder that we aren't :(

To put your mind fully at rest you need to go see the gp and explain. I did it over and over and over when I thought I had bowel and cervical cancer and eventually something just clicked and thought..RIGHT..

ofcourse other things have taken over but this is a long standing worry of yours with this hiv and all the tests come back negative! xxx