Worried About Thoughts

[RachyLou]

hi everyone

I've suffered from anxiety, panic attacks and depression for 8 years since i had my first son. I had my second son nearly 2 years ago and it's been alot worse. Just lately i've been having the most horrible thoughts. I can't stop imagining killing myself. When I had my second son i lost alot of blood and went a little loopy. I kept thinking everything was evil and i wanted to lash out physically at someone, i had my son taken out of the room because i was scared i'd hurt him, i kept thinking about throwing myself out of the hospital window and then for sometime after that i was afraid to be alone with my son. Now i just can't stop thinking about that time and i keep thinking i'm gonna harm my kids and it scares me. I'm anxious all the time, i'm paniced all the time, i just wanna cry all the time. I can't talk to anyone because of what they might think of me and i'm scared of losing my kids. I seriously think there is something wrong with me. I'm already taking 30mg Citalopram. I keep wondering if I should be in a hospital or something. Please help me. I don't know what to do.

Rachel

[Welsh.Baz]

Sounds like you need some kind of counsellor, even if it's just for someone to speak to about these thoughts.

If I was you i'd get another appointment with your GP as soon as possible, discuss these feelings/thoughts with him/her, then ask for a counsellor, they can refer you, even give you advice on what services are local to you, alot of places these days have drop in centres.

You really are best off getting proffesional help with those kind of thoughts, just try and take care till you get seen.

[Robbs]

its very common with anxiety to think your going to lose controll and hurt yourself or others (its mostly people you care about), just tell yourself you've never lashed out and hurt your kids before and you know its wrong so you wont do it, its just your mind, its funny cos its fear that makes you think you might do this and its the same fear that'll stop you doing it, as you're so scared of what you might do that you'll never let yourself do it.

it would be good to go talk to someone about this though as talking it through always helps, i was having a repetative thought of chaining my legs together and jumping off the multistorey car park, i talked to my counsellor about it and have hardly had the thought since.

[Alicat]

I went through a period like this over summer when I kept telling myself that everyone was wrong and shouldn't be here...for any little thing that was wrong with them. Not like me at all...and I'm disabled!

It was the anxiety but is very scary and disturbing. I found talking to a counsellor really helped. Good luck!

[danjhay]

i went through a period of what i called "ugly thoughts" about three years ago.I would spend all night awake feeling i was going insane because my thoughts were very similar to the ones you describe in your post. I thought that if i told somebody they would lock me up so the panic that went with these thoughts just made the situation 10x worse. The best thing I ever did was to tell somebody what was going through my mind. My god it took some courage but when i had told some body this massive weight and burden was off my shoulders. Within 3 days i was sitting in front of a counsellor talking about these ugly thoughts and she was most supportive and helped me through a challenging time. I hope you can find the solution you seek and wish you all the best in your quest for an end to these thoughts.:yesyes:

[Maj]

Hi Rachylou,

How are you feeling now? Did you manage to speak to your doctor again? You sound anxious and a little low. That's why you're having the horrible thoughts. Deep down you know you won't carry them out - it's just the thought of it that's tormenting you. 45 years ago when my mum had my brother she had a moment when she thought "what if I were to throw him out of the window". She went to the doctor's distraught. He simply said to her that she was anxious, tired, and that this was a form of protection towards her child. Simple as that. My mum went on her way, has never forgotten it, but the doctor didn't make a big deal out of it because he knew it was only thoughts. I hope you get some help and some T.L.C. and you'll get back on the road to recovery again:hugs:
Take care
Myra x:):flowers: