Life plagues by anxiety

[KirstySunflowers]

Hi there,

My name is Kirsty I am new to this forum. I have been plagued by anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I grew up in a very difficult house I think which taught me I had to be constantly onm edge and hyper vigilant.

I have suffered from anxiety for many years but in the last 2 years it has become severely debilitating. I suffer from horrible periods of derealization where I feel confused, dizzy, light headed, cant concentrate. it is so scary there are days i just dont want to get out of my bed. This is the wrost part of my anxiety. It causes me to worry that there is somethingn seriously wrong with me, that i am going mad, that i wil never get better, that my life is awful and not worth living etc etc. I just feel i have no cntrol over when they come on.

Becuase of my anxiety I have not had periods for almost 3 years. I eatwell but my weight has been as low as 6and half stones when I was at my worst a few months ago. I am now around 7 stone 5. This is also a source of anxiety for me. The doctors have told me that not having periods is due to my weight and that my body is not producing enough estorgen. I then go on binges of eating and feel guilty and fat afterwards. (Although I dont make myself sick)

I went to see a CBT therapist last year which helped me for a while but then as my problems went on and changed their direction I think she became disullusioned, as the therapist was used to working with short term patients.

Afrer having a massive panic attack in June this year I ended up on a course of anti depressants and anti anxiety medication. I am contiunuing on the anti depressants but have very recently managed to come off the bendiozpame which I am pleased about.

I have also started seeing a Natural Herbalist and doing accupuncture. I am thinking about also starting therapy again. So i am starting to take some positive steps towards recoovery

I just feel that I am so young but that life is passing me by. I have friends but they dont understand what i am going through. I would love to meet a nice guy as well but I dont have much time for romance when I am feeling like this.

I have joined the forum to meet some new friends and share experiences. I was wondering if aynone else can give me any advice on what else i can do to get over this horrible affliction.

wishing you well

Kirsty xxx

[KirstySunflowers]

i meant plagued by anxiety
not sure how to edit the title:huh:

[Chris 22]

Hi Kirsty.

I have recently become a member of NMP also. I felt I should reply to you not only to give you some support but to let you know your story sounds so familiar to mine and some of your thoughts are the exact ones that go through my mind especially the last sentence of your second paragraph.

I had my first panic attack 14 years ago when I was just 18 and studying towards my A'levels. I am now 32 and have had better times than others but have to admit I have never felt the same since that first attack.

I have a DRS medical history longer than I care to imagine and have been on various medication and been to se different counsellors. I am currently receiving CBT and although my therapist is great I only seem to feel better for the few hours after seeing her. She is trying to get me to do more and think more positively but I'm finding this so hard as my mind just feels empty, like a numb feeling. I too experience derealization symtoms a lot. Sometimes I dont really know who I am or what I should be. It scares me so much. My mind just feels stuck.

I have had a couple of long term relationships within this time of my anxiety but to be honest I think my condition was the downfall of them. I tried to act as normal as possible and do things but I felt like I was holding my respective partners back which of course increased the anxiety (Vicious Circle and all that). I would love to meet someone but as time passes by I am increasingly thinking this is unlikely.

I'm having my medication reviewed in 2 weeks as I dont believe its having much effect anymore. I have currently been on this medication for 4 years plus. I really hope their is that miracle pill but yet again I'm not getting too excited. This just sums up my mood of late, everything is just so gloomy. I feel like a freak when I see my family, friends etc going out and doing normal things when I feel like this. I just dont know what normal is anymore. I know I will probably always have some anxiety for the rest of my life I just hope it can be kind of managable and I can at least try and do somethings and enjoy these.

Anyway thats my story in short.

Chris xx

[fishman65]

Hi Kirsty,not sure how much advice I can give you other than the fact that things DO get better in time and there are many effective therapies and medications out there.I myself have been on citalopram for 8 years but recently it gave up on me.I'm now taking seroxat which has been good for my depression but I'm still getting anxiety.Its a case of finding the right meds for you if that is the course you choose....and also its important to take into consideration that different people respond differently to treatment.Please take care and I wish you peace.

Fishy

[anxious_girl]

Hi Kirsty
I'm also petite, but drop weight like anything as soon as any anxiety sets in. I was about 7 stone and when I was at my worst went down to 5stone 12. I was a swimmer and it got so bad people started asking me if I was annorexic which hurt so much - I physically couldn't eat. Right now I've just started taking my meds again after 4 months being off them, and in the past month I must have dropped about half a stone (I notice it more by clothes being lose rather than standing on scales). I worry about it too but you have to give in to it for a while, and know that in the future things won't be so bad. Whatever bad situations are happening can't go on forever. I always take comfort by looking ten years into the future when everything will be resolved and running smoothly (even if it's not it's something to look forward to)

[Chrissie21]

Hi Kirsty,

I can totally relate to the weight issue. I am exactly the same. I am like a skeleton at the moment due to anx. I just don't want to eat anything. it takes me 6 months to gain a few pounds and couple days stressing to lose 10! I am supposed to be going on holiday with my husband in a couple of months so have been force feeding myself to try and gain a little weight, as I too am worried that people will stare at me and be shocked.

You are not alone.:)

What I have learned though it the lack of food makes all ur symptoms worse. So even on really bad days try to take some supplements and possibly those build up shakes like complan. X