Andromeda
19-10-09, 18:58
Hello all , don't really know where else to turn so here goes .
i'm 20 years old and i've been suffering from GAD for 3 months now .
I'm also have bi polar disorder which i've been dealing with since before i can remember .
i've always been a fairly confident person , okay i used to worry but nothing too out of the ordinary , just the regular amount of worry that everyone goes through .
This all started (i believe) because i was under extream pressure at work . One day i was sat talking to my friend and the next thing i knew , i was dizzy and clammy and felt like i was going to pass out . It came from nowhere , i had felt fine ?! But that triggered it , from then on i've been living with anxiety everyday .
I had my first major panic attack on my birthday a week later . resulted in an ambulance and everything (very embarassing!) , first time i ever felt like i was going to die , and since that point i have been terrified of it .
Anyway , while i have been dealing with this anxiety i have moved away from home and started university . This has been hell for me as i'm sure you can imagine but thankfully being on my own has meant that i have learnt to be strong with my anxiety , i have learnt how to calm myself down and basically get through the day . I got myself into a routine where my anxiety was managable . If i had any symptoms i would tell myself 'this is just anxiety' and it would go away , i really felt like i was getting somewhere and i even had moments throughout the day of total relief from it !!
THEN , the dreaded chest infection struck and back to square one .
I have horrible constant chest pain underneath my left breast which of course i've convinced myself is either a heart attack or some serious heart disease . The head pains - obviously a tumor ! and generally thinking i'm about to die at every moment ! (This sounds so silly but i honestly convinced myself i am going to ?!?!?!?! i'm scared that i'm just going to die and no one will know :weep:)
it's knocked my confidence right back down again , and triggered a whole new wave of anxiety attacks , ones that are much more difficult for me to get a grip on .
Today for the first time ever i experienced 'jelly legs'
I was walking back from uni and all of a sudden my calves started to feel like they were going to give way and i thought i was going to collapse . it felt like someone was grabbing my legs trying to pull me down ? The weird part is that i get this sensation when i'm lying in bed or sitting down too , is this normal ?!??! it's starting to really freak me out !
I got myself back to my flat by gripping on to the railings and pulling myself down the road , it was awful , then when i got home my heart was pounding and my chest was hurting and i felt dizzy blahblah etc full blown panic . took me an hour to get myself to sleep ! longest it's ever taken .
This week has just been so draining for me and i'm so depressed over it all , i can't enjoy myself properly and be a student because i have this big fat black cloud looming over my head !!!!!!!!!!
I'm so desperate i just can't bare to be awake , i sleep through the day as much as i can so it will go away , it's no way to live and it's not what i want for the rest of my life but i can't seem to shake it . i'm really ready to give up because i don't feel like i have the energy or the strength anymore to keep fighting it .
My new issue now is that it's my friends 21st on saturday , her family have booked a hotel in leeds for the girls so we can go out and celebrate . I'm starting to get really nervous about going as i'm having the 'what if' thoughts !!! i know this is the problem and i need to stop but i can't help it !!!!!!
I can't pull out now cause it's already been paid for but i don't want to ruin the night ! i don't know what to do .
sorry for the ramble . i always feel better once i've gotten everything out .
thanks in advance for listening XX
i'm 20 years old and i've been suffering from GAD for 3 months now .
I'm also have bi polar disorder which i've been dealing with since before i can remember .
i've always been a fairly confident person , okay i used to worry but nothing too out of the ordinary , just the regular amount of worry that everyone goes through .
This all started (i believe) because i was under extream pressure at work . One day i was sat talking to my friend and the next thing i knew , i was dizzy and clammy and felt like i was going to pass out . It came from nowhere , i had felt fine ?! But that triggered it , from then on i've been living with anxiety everyday .
I had my first major panic attack on my birthday a week later . resulted in an ambulance and everything (very embarassing!) , first time i ever felt like i was going to die , and since that point i have been terrified of it .
Anyway , while i have been dealing with this anxiety i have moved away from home and started university . This has been hell for me as i'm sure you can imagine but thankfully being on my own has meant that i have learnt to be strong with my anxiety , i have learnt how to calm myself down and basically get through the day . I got myself into a routine where my anxiety was managable . If i had any symptoms i would tell myself 'this is just anxiety' and it would go away , i really felt like i was getting somewhere and i even had moments throughout the day of total relief from it !!
THEN , the dreaded chest infection struck and back to square one .
I have horrible constant chest pain underneath my left breast which of course i've convinced myself is either a heart attack or some serious heart disease . The head pains - obviously a tumor ! and generally thinking i'm about to die at every moment ! (This sounds so silly but i honestly convinced myself i am going to ?!?!?!?! i'm scared that i'm just going to die and no one will know :weep:)
it's knocked my confidence right back down again , and triggered a whole new wave of anxiety attacks , ones that are much more difficult for me to get a grip on .
Today for the first time ever i experienced 'jelly legs'
I was walking back from uni and all of a sudden my calves started to feel like they were going to give way and i thought i was going to collapse . it felt like someone was grabbing my legs trying to pull me down ? The weird part is that i get this sensation when i'm lying in bed or sitting down too , is this normal ?!??! it's starting to really freak me out !
I got myself back to my flat by gripping on to the railings and pulling myself down the road , it was awful , then when i got home my heart was pounding and my chest was hurting and i felt dizzy blahblah etc full blown panic . took me an hour to get myself to sleep ! longest it's ever taken .
This week has just been so draining for me and i'm so depressed over it all , i can't enjoy myself properly and be a student because i have this big fat black cloud looming over my head !!!!!!!!!!
I'm so desperate i just can't bare to be awake , i sleep through the day as much as i can so it will go away , it's no way to live and it's not what i want for the rest of my life but i can't seem to shake it . i'm really ready to give up because i don't feel like i have the energy or the strength anymore to keep fighting it .
My new issue now is that it's my friends 21st on saturday , her family have booked a hotel in leeds for the girls so we can go out and celebrate . I'm starting to get really nervous about going as i'm having the 'what if' thoughts !!! i know this is the problem and i need to stop but i can't help it !!!!!!
I can't pull out now cause it's already been paid for but i don't want to ruin the night ! i don't know what to do .
sorry for the ramble . i always feel better once i've gotten everything out .
thanks in advance for listening XX