View Full Version : Having horrible sexual thoughts
matthewduffy2010
20-10-09, 16:26
Hello.
Since last Thursday, i've been having this horrible sexual thought.
Last Thursday, my mum read an article from the paper about someone who uploaded and viewed child pornography, both high level and low level.
But the thing that really frightened me about it all was that as soon as she finished reading the article, my brain started getting uptight and created this horrible thought in my head....that i had done it myself, that it looked at this sort of thing and not known about it.
I would never do such a thing as this, ever. But it really scared, and still does to this day, scare me that my mind would think these's horrible thoughts.
The thought has been there since last Thursday, and i know for a fact that this thought was not in my head, and of course, this is something i would ever forget about is it?
I know it sounds terrible, but i thought i'd come on here and write up this post, so that i can admit that i've been worried about something and not keep it to myself.
Thank you
gypsywomen
20-10-09, 16:32
i dont know what to say but are you thinking these things a lot if so you need help
JohnLuke300
20-10-09, 16:57
Hi Matthew,
If you had pedophilia those thoughts would have started since you passed puberty. I have been looking at your previous posts and you have clearly got an history of obsessive thoughts. And I believe this is clearly one of them. I would not be too concerned, people rarely ever act out their obsessive thoughts. I noticed you thoughts seem to be sexually based, I wonder if you might be sexually insecure and this is triggering them. I'm just speculating though, have you sought medical help for your condition?
John
gypsywomen
20-10-09, 17:02
john do you think there is othing wrong with these thoughts about children i cant find an ecsuse for it i dont like it myself ill or not
JohnLuke300
20-10-09, 17:30
Hi gypsywomen,
The OCD sufferer has obsessive thoughts of things that frighten or repulse them. They do not usually act on these thoughts. Like the rest of us anxiety sufferers they obsess over the things that scare them. It is very difficult for them to remove these images from they mind once they start to obsess. Like is is difficult for us to stop thinking about the things that makes us anxious. But we can't condemn them for their thoughts, when it disgusts them as much as it does us.
John
john do you think there is othing wrong with these thoughts about children i cant find an ecsuse for it i dont like it myself ill or not
I think you are getting the wrong end of the stick gypsywoman if you don't mind me saying.
Mathew, with OCD, you get thoughts that terrify you, like hurting your own kids, or compulsion that you might do something horrid. These are not the actions of someone contemplating doing such a terrible thing, but are the thought process of the nervously ill mind playing tricks.
Now if these thoughts were desirable or appealing to you, then I would hit the panic button and seek help ASAP, but by the very reaction that you are disgusted by this proves that it's nothing more than OCD.
If it's causing you distress I would go talk it over with your GP to see if you could get referred to a specialist to tackle the thoughts.
Jaco
mandyclare
20-10-09, 17:43
It appears you might be unwillingly having thoughts about the things that scare you most... so the thought of being seen as a paedophile is literally making you 'see yourself as one' so that you can in a way face your worst fears.. I don't think you are a bad person.. you cannot help this but i do think you need to go and speak to your doctor and get pointed in the right direction for help with regard compulsive thoughts.
You have been very brave to post this and I wish you luck getting the help you need to deal with this condition.
Mand
gypsywomen
20-10-09, 17:43
hey guys don't get at me i am entitled to my opinionmy son has ocd all he thinks about is cleaning ,,i know it can make you have bad thoughts,,but anything to do with children makes my skin crawl cant help it i just think he should seak help that all.........
JohnLuke300
20-10-09, 17:49
Hi gypsywomen,
There is no criticism towards you we realize you are concerned and quite rightly so. You just clearly have little experience of OCD and it scared you. But your reaction was completely understandable.
John
gypsywomen
20-10-09, 17:51
ok i see what our saying and your right i dont
Thoughts are like birds flying over our heads we cant stop them but we can stop them making a nest in our hair. Talking about these thoughts does help just as talking about anxiety panic agoraphobia helps. OCD covers a wide spectrum of intrusive thoughts. I had a client that felt like he would push someone onto the rail track every time he used the underground but he never did.
Its understanding that you will not act out these thoughts. It is stressful for others reading them but even more stressful for the person having the thoughts.
To combat them understand they are only thoughts. Yes seek advice from your health professional and learn more about your own condition
charlotte83
21-10-09, 00:34
It is the fear of thoughts that makes you know they aren't real. Someone who truly was like that would really enjoy the thoughts and would not be posting on a site worried about having them. OCD thoughts only persist because of the attention you give them as our brains make thoughts with a strong emotional reaction attached "important", and that it needs our attention. If we were able to think "ohh thats a weird thought but I'm not anything like those discusting people" and move on the thoughts would move on, but because we think "Oh my god, what does this thought mean, it must mean I'm a bad person...." and we attach a strong emotional reaction (anxiety), our brains think the thought is important and it perisists. If you can ignore the thoughts and lessen the anxiety, then they will go.
Veronica H
21-10-09, 08:16
:bighug1:You did the right thing talking about this Matt. This is an intrusive thought, no more. I have gained more of an insight into OCD as a result of your post and you have received many reassuring replies from people who understand. We are all here to help each other.
Hi Gypsywoman:bighug1:now we both understand a bit more, and I know you were just trying to put things right with your list. Peace and love all.
Veronica
These thoughts are amongst the most common. I cant believe when someone comes here for help and guidence he is treated by some as a pervert. If you dont understand OCD don't comment you are being most unhelpful. You are perfectly normal love, do you really think that you would be worried about it if you wer'n't people who do these things dont care less. They actually get a thrill out of it not disgust like yourself. It is the most cruel illness i hope you find peace soon . X:bighug1:
Hi
I don't know much about OCD, however I do think its very brave of you to openly speak of how you are feeling.
I think the more you speak with fellow OCD sufferers, the more you will feel reassured about your thoughts.
I don't know if it is the same type of thing with OCD thoughts, but I used to always feel tempted to jump off bridges and cliffs or from any high building if I was in that situation. I didn't really want to but it was like my thoughts were teasing and tormenting me to do so. Thankfully I never did! :yahoo:
Anyway this was just a post to say I think you have done really well in admitting to how you are feeling.:yesyes:
Veronica H
21-10-09, 11:26
Hi Bumbles
...... he is treated by some as a pervert.....this is totally not the case. Gypsywoman misunderstood thats all. There is no 'some' just one person who misunderstood. Also please try to be aware that gypsywoman is fragile herself or she would not be here. I don't think keeping this going is helping Matt either so I will sign off.
Veronica
JohnLuke300
21-10-09, 11:43
Veronica is right, we all make mistakes and shouldn't judge people too harshly for them. Gypsywoman made an honest mistake and regrets it, I have read many of her posts she is a caring considerate person. She never intended to cause offense.
All the best,
John
eeyorelover
21-10-09, 14:06
If anyone has an issue with the postings or replies of another member the proper thing to do is to contact an admin to review it!
OCD is a illness that is easy to misunderstand for people who have not experienced it.
This being the case, let's please remember that misunderstandings are just that! They aren't meant as a personal attack and should not be hashed out on the forum.
Support and understanding are an important part of this site and both of those should be give not only to the individual who is experiencing the symptoms but also the people who are not sufferers but are trying to gain knowledge for themselves!
xxx
Sandy
gypsywomen
21-10-09, 15:01
i want to clear something up i dont think for one min you can help your thouhts i just dint understand your a brave man ,,,
It seems I might have upset people It was not my intention . I just felt for the chap with the thoughts, as I have them myself and I know the last thing needed is people making out they are more than just thoughts. peoples reactions can have a devestaing affect on this illness. XX Sorry for any offence
Don't know if this helps but Istudy psychology and it actually turns out that at some time in our lives the majority of people have thoughts that they don't like and wouldn't in a million years do, especially concerning sexual fantasies.
don't worry about the thoughts, to a certain extent they cannot be helped. Dwelling on them will make you think about the issue more.
It is the not acting on negative thoughts that is the important thing.
Nat x
I dont know lots about ocd but from what i do know, it does sound like that to me too.
eeyorelover
22-10-09, 04:33
And hearing people give you a thrashing for voicing an opinion or concern can also destroy someone!!!
Let's let what happened pass and move on!
Anxious_gal
22-10-09, 05:07
it's often too easy to get angry, I think that education and compassion is the best way to combat someones ignorance , prejudice or what ever it may be.
I understand its instinctive to get angry and defensive. but one thing i like about the human race is our ability to protect and care for the ill.
I do hope you get help, I hear that CBT is very good at combating OCD thoughts.
because you fear the thoughts and you don't like them means its not you, its the OCD.
gypsywomen
22-10-09, 07:56
mishel i am not ignorant at all i just thought he should talk to someone ,,i was nurse 15 years you all seem to be picking on me for what i said,, i didn't mean harm ...i suffer with anxiety i would never hurt anyone intensonaly i have apologised i am hurt you are finding my post something to remark on not caring how its upsetting me for one mistake i made,,,don't worry i will never comment on ocd again,never ,i have given a lot of people on here comfort s they can sleep well and no panic had many thank yous so whats the point if this is what i get for 1 wrong post
Yes I think its easy to forget that when we post we dont mean any harm and I dont think gypsywomen meant any harm by her posts. I have posted my fair share of posts in the past and made a few mistakes but we all live and learn.
charlotte83
22-10-09, 14:19
Lets not turn this post into an argument when it was posted by somebody seeking help. Everybody gets things wrong, OCD is hard to understand from the outside, the best thing to do is to explain to people if they want to know more.
The fact is with OCD is that these thoughts are totally unwanted and sufferers would do anything to get rid of them and the terrible feelings associated with them. They derive no pleasure from them at all, in fact people with OCD are usually very kind caring and moral people which is why they worry so much about such things. Thats not to say people without OCD can't be kind caring and moral too, its just they don't have whatever faulty mechanism it is that causes you to obsess about things. They persist because of the huge amount of meaning and focus someone with OCD puts to the thoughts which they can't help.
A really good example of explaining OCD that I read in a book, is telling somebody not to think of a pink elephant under any circumstances. Like imagine thinking of a pink elephant is a bad thought. In order not to think of a pink elephant, you have to mentally picture one in the first place. The more pressure you apply to yourself not to think of it, the more it keeps popping up. Eventually you would start associating things with pink elephants, ie the colour pink, elephants....list goes on and so the pink elephant would be in your thoughts more and more! It sounds really stupid but thats how it is in OCD. The initial thought comes, you apply some meaning to it "Oh my god I can't think that, it must mean...." and then try really hard to get rid of the thought which just makes it crop up even more. Hope I don't sound patronising! I know most people probably know about how OCd works anyway but that explanation helped my family understand OCD a litle bit more.
Anxious_gal
22-10-09, 17:20
mishel i am not ignorant at all i just thought he should talk to someone ,,i was nurse 15 years you all seem to be picking on me for what i said,, i didn't mean harm ...i suffer with anxiety i would never hurt anyone intensonaly i have apologised i am hurt you are finding my post something to remark on not caring how its upsetting me for one mistake i made,,,don't worry i will never comment on ocd again,never ,i have given a lot of people on here comfort s they can sleep well and no panic had many thank yous so whats the point if this is what i get for 1 wrong post
oh no in fact I was standing up for both sides. I am deeply sorry I offended you. I should worded my reply better.
I had assume you miss understood, hence the use of the word ignorance, maybe i should look up the meaning!
oh please every ones replies are welcome here. I'm sorry if we made you feel un welcome. Michelle
Obsessive compulsive disorder is not just about cleaning. It is about obsessive, repetitive thoughts or rituals. Often much to the torment and disgust of the poor sufferer who thinks they are going mad. It can be helped. No matter what your thoughts are, they are obviously ones that are the most appalling to you. Unless you have suffered from this then it will be alien to you. Matthew, you can have help for this. Please don't think you are a horrible person. Medication can also help as it is often caused by a combination of anxiety with depression. If you have an understanding g.p. then have a word with them and tell them what you've said here. He may refer you to a psychologist to find out why you are punishing yourself with this, but then again he may just give you medication as this can be a great help. I know, I've been there. You can get over o.c.d. and never look back.:yesyes:
Take care
Myra
It will never go away while you worry about it. It is acceptance that cures. When you accept you relax and when you relax the thoughts don't have the same importance, then gradually go. It doesn't happen overnight but it does happen. I assure you. It doesn't matter what the thoughts are - everyone's different - my thoughts were nothing to do with sexuality but were still extremely unpleasant for me. Accept that for the moment you have these thoughts caused by extreme anxiety and/or depression and that they will go given time and acceptance. Anti-depressants are also a great help for this in the short term.:yesyes:
Take care
Myra
Hi, if someone says to you "don't think about pink elephants for the whole day" then you'll do nothing but - you cannot avoid thoughts, they simply crowd in, so confront them and examine them, then you'll see there is little to fear.
nutteetart
23-10-09, 15:56
I dont believe this has anything to do with anything innappropriate and i think we should listen anonymously without judgement as this is someone in pain and not someone about to commit a heinous act.
I have thoughts that terrify me too and i think thats the whole point. Our brains are deceiving us remember. Mine tells me that i cannot talk sometimes. I always can talk but the fear is that i cant call for help. Maybe there is a sexual link from your past or something that your brain has latched onto but if you were a paedophile, you certainly wouldnt be telling everyone about it. I think you were brave and i am glad you had somewhere like this to express yourself. Dont give this thought any more air time. If it comes in your head think about something else or distract yourself. Dont beat yourself up. If you have any thoughts of acting out anything, please get help immediately, but i bet its the anxiety bully beating you up. Hang in there
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