bit of a bad session

[looby]

well, i've had my counselling today, which started off quite well, but it got on to my anxiety thing and brought back all horrible memories back, which I hate talking about but my counsellor seems to think it is helping.

when i was 16 i got sexually assaulted, by a 13 yr old lad in his school uniform, when i was on my way to college, (it was 8.30 am) when he grabbed me. i can remember everything about that day from 8.30 am until 5.30 pm when my dad came home and said he would report it to the police for me, after then it's a blur. but what i can remember i think why on earth did you carry on as if nothing happened!!!!!!
after that happened i went a bit off the rails and went out with a 29 year old man. basically, he wasn't nice at all to me and my counsellor reckons he was mentally abusing me, which i didn't think would happen to me but it did.
i used to work in a pub at that time, and 1 night there was loads of trouble which started by one of his mates throwing a glass at me all because the manager tried to bar him.
other stuff happened and another friend of my then boyfriend's came in and threatened to shoot the manager in front of me. the police were called and asked me to give a statement which i did, but ended up withdrawing it as my boyfriend basically told me things would happen to me and my family if i didn't.

another time two huge men had a fight and pushed a big fruit machine over in the pub, and apparently all this could have caused my anxiety, (just realised should have put this under anxiety!!!! [Duh!] )

but i hated talking about it to her as i feel really defensive about it all, it's 1 thing to type it on here, but harder in real life - if you know what i mean-

i just wish that i didn't have to talk about it again, just feel a bit low about it all really.

sorry for boring you but i needed to get it off my chest!!!!

love
looby
xxx

[Buby]

Hiya

Uv had a really tough time i jus wish i cud understand alot more about how u feel. But ur counsellor is right. talking about it will help. And typing it all down on here might work a lot better. I know people feel so much better after they read stories n write stuff on here, i know i do.

I really hope you get your anxiety sorted soon. Cos we all know its hell to live with and with what u have been through im surprised i suffer from anxiety cos nothing like that has happened to me.

Good luck with everything xx
Rachel

[nomorepanic]

Looby

No - talking about it and getting it out in the open will help to heal the wounds and enable you to move on.

Don't fight this process - it is important and stick with it ok.

I know that you had a rough day and then tonight all the bickering in another post has effected you but please try to move on from tonight and look at yourself ok.

Keep opening up ok and it will really help to let it all out.

Nicola

[looby]

thanks all.

nigel, it only came out 10 minutes from the end, so we ran out of time, and i was gasping for a fag!!!!
just feel a bit rubbishy tonight

[desperate]

Does she/he ever tell you how to move on from these things?

I was in a bad relationship for a couple of years and in my counselling we don't go back over and over things we kinda talk about what decisions and things are better for me in the future. How to become myself again in a way.

First Anxiety...then panic attacks...now GAD and depression...now working on a better future!

[looby]

desperate, not really no, she explains how things that have happened may have caused how i feel, but the only 1 thing she said was that it was a good thing i got out of it in the end and got away from him and his pretend little wannabe gangster friends and that i have a caring loving fella now, he is so different to the men i've been with in the past (and without sounding like a slapper - cos I'm not - I'm a good Catholic girl really!, there have been quite a few men!!!)

I mentioned a bit to my mum last night about it and how explained about my counsellor thinking some of my past has got to do with my anxiety, ok she is totally oblivious to some things that has happened in the past, she just said, "oh that was years ago, that shouldn't bother you now!!!"

I thought she'd understand as she has suffered from anxiety and depression too, but it makes me feel that I may be just being a drama queen. I sometimes wish she knew everything that has happened to me over the years, but I can't tell her as it will make her feel worse and i don't want her wondering why I never told her half of this!!!!

[desperate]

hi looby,

i don't tell my parents a lot as well about what happened whilst i was at uni with my b/f i don't know no matter what you say sometimes i think well they won't understand anyway, or it wont' seem as bad as i see it or soemthing!

it is hard to do the therapy i am going through some tough things too as to why i ended up in that situation in the first place, the way i live my life and who i am etc etc, so not light stuff at all!!

glad you have got a nice fellow now anyway, just keep going with it a bit, but do make sure she gets onto the moving forward bit too!!

First Anxiety...then panic attacks...now GAD and depression...now working on a better future!

[looby]

thanks all.

Take care
looby
xxx

[carldourish]

Hi Loopy.
Its clear you still have emotional attachements to these past events. Such events can show themselves up in physical issues or mental issues. Talking therapies are ok, but they don't remove the emotional attachment..
The therapy I offer, I don't even need to know the attachment, just a simple score from 0-10.
I have a high success rate for PTSD.
Check www.freedom-therapy.co.uk & www.emofree.com
Help this may help

Carl.

[looby]

thanks Carl!

Hope you don't mind but i am going to drop you a pm.

Cheers,
looby

[carldourish]

Off course I don't mind.

Carl