do i have one?

[mandamoo]

hi

im a new member and im just starting to explore my problems. I assumed when i became ill that what is suffer from is phobia, but the literature ive been reading recently is suggesting to me that it is closer to OCD than to phobia. I have obsessive thoughts about death, dying, illness and accidents. for instance, I think im going to fall when i walk down stairs/get out of shower, I get on a bus and have images of it on fire/crashing etc. I have elaborate 'fantasies' (i hate using this word because it suggests I enjoy it) about my own death - what people will be like when I am gone, how it would affect everyone, what they would say, what flowers they would send etc.

when i was a child in retrospect i certainly had OCD. I used to count the amount of times id chewed my food and it had to be equal on both sides. used to make and remake my bed. the only counting thing i still have is counting stairs and steps. however i only find this vaguely annoying.

about the death thing - is it an OCD or is it a phobia? I realise i sound preoccupied with labels, but its really important to me.

hope someone can shed some light

amanda

[Shelley]

Hi Amanda,

Have you been to see a doctor? I would say that it's best to get professional advice - but from my experience, the counting thing is usually a copingmechanism , whilst you're counting you're keeping you're mind off the task in hand

x

Shell

[smudga]

Amanda, it would appear to me that you have OCD about death/health. THe making and remaking of your bed is a different form of obsessive compulsive disorder. Your situation is very much like mine. From the age of 13-15 I had the obsessive compulsive disroder habbits where I would have to put my jumper on and off, re do jar lids etc.. I've always had a concern about death but since I got panic disorder a couple of years ago I've had amore OCD case of death.

I got rid of the habbits type of OCD when I was 13-15 without taking medication or seeing anyone. FOr the Panic Disorder and OCD about death I've seen a psychiatrist who suggested I take Tegretol for anxiety mood changes and the Cipramil for the OCD. The Cipramil can also be used as an anitdepressant. I was diagnosed 2 years ago with severe Panic Disorder and OCD thoughts of death. I had panic disorder which would be made worse by obsessive thoughts of death which triggered a panic attack. Along with the general anxiety I used to get major panic attacks but now I don't get many major ones. The general anxiety and thoughts of death have gone down since I don't get many major panic attacks. See ya.

[sadie]

Hi Amanda and Smudger,

I have suffered anxiety and panic attacks now for 3 years and I too have constant fears of death adn dying. Its not that I want to die because its the complete opposite for me too, I am petrified from dying. My panic attacks started after I was in a bad car accident and the doctors said these attacks are the result of me being faced with my own mortality. I dont know whether I have panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder or OCD. Just now I take an anti-depressant called Venlafaxine which is also used for anxiety but I dont know if its really helping too much. Anyway, its the symptoms of panic I fear, such as palpations, missed heart beats, chest pains, dizziness and nausea. I dont know whether its the symptoms that cause me too fear death or my thoughts on death that causes the symptoms. I do check my pulse quite a lot throughout the day to see if it is beating fast or not. Is that a OCD behaviour or not? I also suffer visualisation and can see myself falling to the ground and dying of a heart attack or something. Does any of you suffer this also?

Please help a confused sufferer!



sadie

[twister]

Hiya

I have elaborate fantasy scenarios about my partner dying and go through it all in detail. How I would find out, how I would feel when I wake up the next day, how long I'd be able to take off work to get over it, if my parents could support me if I coud never work again because of depression......

I think about it for hours when he is out and then get all upset

[kd]

I have very similar thoughts to you. Though, they're not as bad that I consider it a problem anymore. I was told on another website a year or so back that its a mechanism for staying safe.

For eg.... one 'fantasy' thought i had was when i was taking water out to put in the bird bath -approaching it, I imagined slipping and knocking my teeth on the edge of the concrete bird bath -its very vivid and quite disturbing. You have to almost cringe in pain after thinking it. Also get the car crash scenarios and see it in my head. other things like landing on knives and stuff like that. They're instant thoughts that just come into your head.

[sadie]

Hi kd

So would you say then that as time passes by then these type of thoughts get less severe and that there nothing to worry about?

sadie

[twister]

They are common Sadie, but there are techniques especially CBT which can help you brain retrain the way you think. I dont think I suffer from OCD but I do things like see myself have horrible accidents, I think a lot of people do but if you are anxious you dwell on the more

[kd]

Sadie,

I'm not sure, they've just faded out. I get them now and again, but I got them a heck of a lot a few years ago (after a friend had died, i found out i had pcos (gyn disorder), split up with alcoholic boyf). i still have them from time to time. Perhaps they're normal and people dont talk about it cos they think they're the only ones. It might be a normal mechanism to keep you safe and cautious. Or perhaps its a trait for worriers (god i worry).

I havn't got OCD, though i used to a bit when i was little with numbers and knocking a certain number of days. I do have a thing for herons though, i have to se one when i go passed a place where there is water. I decided that cos i dont always see them that it is good luck if i see one, but not bad luck if i dont see one. When i do see one I do feel relief !

[twister]

I just asked my boyfriend (he's normal!:D), he says he doesnt get those 'fantasies'. I think its just anxiety programming us to always imagine the worst. I think those things all the time, I see myself tripping and hitting my neck on the sofa and choking and stuff - horrible!

[Meg]

Everyone gets them , but non anxiety people just rationalize and then dismiss the thoughts as quickly as they came.
Everyone has their own foible. My partner doesn't get them about being alone and collapsed in a A road layby as I did for so many weeks, but he got them last week about potential gunmen taking hostages at work.
Equally unlikely but momentarily real to him but he dismissed the thoughts before they got to him and next time it will be something else very different. They don't turn them into a full blown story , play , fantasy like we do...

We as an anxiety lot are like a dog with a bone , we keep the same thoughts for ages until we've analysed it to the bitter end and risk managed it to bits.



Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[sadie]

Cheers everyone,

Thank god I'm not the only one who thinks these things!
Thanks for the support.

sadie