FEAR OF MESSAGES

[christian]

Hi!
I was wondering if there were members/vistorsz whose shyness or fear was such that they felt too inhibited to respond or post messages.

I get this fear of fear of failure or rejection/negative evaluation... a discomfort, it seems like i cant put it into words.
my heart races when I send e-mails and I get sick to my stomach.
It is almost painful for me to read responses.

I know that I am not but I feel like a complete ass of a fool.

Is it the memory of an experience or the lack thereof?

I don't need cheering up from someone who doesnt have precisely this problem.
and i dont mean that in an insulting way

I just hopd that i might hear from one of these theoretical people

I am a 33 year old man trying to adjust to living in isolation with only record-player a good library and a hamster to keep me company. I realized a few day after i got the hamster that it would rather abandon me if he had his druthers.

Most nights I think of some excuse to sleep at my mums house.

I keep having these nightmares and it seems like they want to show me somethijng and that is what terrifies me.

It seems like most of the people you meet are so zombified by life and fear of life i don't know what the point is. I know my perceptions are distorted and so is everybody's but there does seem to something about the age...

Anyway I do feel alive and I don't feel lonely or not so bad like I used to want to die.
What is it about childhoods?

[Piglet]

Hi Christian,

I'm sure the longer you are on here the easier reading or sending posts will become.

There is no pressure for you to do either so take your time and do it at your own pace.

Love Piglet:)

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[mico]

A fear of posting messages isn't at all uncommon when you suffer from social anxiety.

Having said that, it's not compulsory either.


<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I get this fear of fear of failure or rejection/negative evaluation... a discomfort, it seems like i cant put it into words.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

It would seem that you just did put it into words.

I couldn't think of a better and more literally correct way of putting it than 'negative evaluation'. That's exactly what it is.

I'm not sure which side your coming from with this comment, whether you fear the negative evaluation of others, or whether you're negatively evaluating what you have written, but it doesn't matter, because either way it rings true. This is the force that drives SA.

This has a lot to do with self-consciousness. I read something the other day which which made an interesting comment about this, which basically said when you suffer from SA you have a tendancy to look from the outside in (i.e. having a focus that views yourself from an angle akin to someone watching you) wheras other people's dominant view is the other way round, from the inside looking out.

When you're looking from the outside in, you're always watching your actions, what you do, how you put yourself, etc. But worst of all, you begin to ask negative questions, 'am I doing it right'?

Much of the fear surrounding SA is due to the fear of what others think of you, that they won't accept you, that they're always being judgemental of you, and if you put a foot out of line they'll be the first to criticise you.

The truth is, all of that criticism is coming from yourself, your own negative evaluation.

What all this means, is that the majority of people who suffer from SA inflict this negative evaluation on themselves on a regular basis. It's the fuel for the fire. If you go out and talk to someone, you've always got questions like 'what do they think of me?', 'am, i doing/saying the right thing?', 'am I making myself look stupid?'. It's never the other way round; 'what do I think of them?'... It's all painful self-focus, and all in a negative light.


<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I know that I am not but I feel like a complete ass of a fool.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Again, negative internal dialogue, or negative evaluation.

You may not feel a fool in your own thoughts, but you may feel a fool when you present your thoughts to the world.


<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Is it the memory of an experience or the lack thereof?</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Memories will play their part. If you were criticised, or bullied, or came across any painfully embarressing or critical experiences then it can back you into a corner, lowering your confidence and wondering what it is that you haven't got that others do.

[quote]<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">It seems like most of the people you meet are so zombified by life and fear of life i don't know what the point is. I know my perceptions are distorted and so is everybody's but there does seem to something about the age...</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table i

[doddy]

christian and mico,

just wanted to say i really enjoyed reading what you both had to say, mico what a great and insightful reply, truly very interesting and thought provoking.

thanks for the thread.

andy

[sueiamnew]

Im with you here Christian, i try to welcome new members but thats about it.

As much as i'd like to be able to reply I often end up typing a message and deleting it.

Daft eh?

I will post this now and cringe.....

[christian]

Thanks all for your kind respones
it was just a brief spell is all

and i was just a bit disgusted with the situation (new job) and writing from inside anxiety, but i have a fear of being bipolar
or not controlling my emotions
and i guess that is like having a nightmare and that is all

a little added stress and then then comes the break
and then somehow like magic it heals!

Thanks again especially to MICO for a gentle and astute analysis.

PATIENCE