American Woman
26-10-09, 03:39
Hello all, I see this is a UK based site and I am American so I hope I am welcome here! :blush:
I think I have suffered anxiety for as long as I can remember. As far back as being maybe 5 years old.. I heard a story of a guy having a seizure and swallowing his tongue. So I remember going around for a long time sticking out my tongue to make sure it was still there. I was too scared to tell an adult. When my teacher spoke to me about it and my parents I began covering my mouth to hide it! This is my earliest memory of paranoia.
So I am 23 years old now. I am pregnant with my first child. I have been under psychiatrist care for around 2 years and was on all sorts of medications for Bipolar and anxiety. Antidepressants either made me go way high or suicidally low, one made me lose my ability to enjoy sex! The best medication I found was Klonopin (clonazapam) And since becoming pregnant I had to ditch it. I was doing quite well for the first couple months... that is until...
dun dun dun
I was bit by a raccoon. Which complexly convinced my anxious ridden mind that I would get rabies. Now this sounds really stupid typing this and let me explain...
The raccoon is a pet of my sister's. Although the raccoon has not had vaccinations, it was bottle fed and raised by them and is about 7 months. It does go outside but does not go off the property. They live in a small town, in a house I grew up in. And my entire life living there I never encountered any other wildlife coming up on our property. So this raccoon has shown no signs of illness. But my crazy mind keeps saying... "yet" :scared15:
So here is the kicker. The raccoon bit me on the back of the calf, I was wearing sweat pants. The bite was not hard enough to tear the pants. The bite did NOT break my skin. It left a small bruise normal looking bruise. No bleeding, no scratch nothing! So I was immediately assured by everyone that the raccoon was only playing and has bitten others (and drawn blood) And no one has gotten rabies.
Well that didn't convince me and I really wanted to go to the ER. But I knew it would be a huge waste of about 6 hours with them telling me "your fine it didn't break the skin" So I decided to call the health department. The lady told me that "it didn't break the skin, your fine, it's unlikely it had rabies because the rabies population here is low for raccoons"
So for extra reassurance I talked to my dad a registered nurse of over 10 years. He told me I'm fine, my mom who's worked for vet clinics told me I'm fine. My OBGYN nurse told me, I'M FINE.
But during all this I started to "google" symptoms. Every website said the skin would have to be broken. But it listed the symptoms of beginning rabies... which I had none of... til I started to think about the symptoms! Which led me to checking my temperature often to be sure there was no fever. Then I started having some muscle pain in my legs (most likely pregnancy related or even anxiety) But ofcourse I was still paranoid.
I kept googling and googling and googling. And although I knew there wasn't a chance that I could get rabies I still am paranoid! I've tried to reason... telling myself.. theres no way it can enter your bloodstream. Then I got the "what if" "what if the punture was so small I didn't see it before" Which led to me constantly lifting up my leg, careening my calf muscle around to stare at hair... just hair under the surface from using a crappy razor. And now the bruise is almost gone and I can cleerly see that it's still only hair. No punture or scab. I knicked myself shaving and it bled and bled.. so I know a bite would have done a lot worse.
But I'm still dealing with the anxiety thats leading up to panic. Tonight I felt that I couldn't swallow and my throat was becomming sore. (One of the symptoms was pain so bad that would prevent swallowing at all) Which I had no pain and I swallowed fine. But from past panic attacks my throat gets tight and I feel that I have to clear it.
So I googled all the things that might make my throat scratchy... acid reflux, pregnancy post nasal drip... and finally....
I googled "anxiety googling symptoms" And I found this webpage! And I'm thankful because I nearly wanted to break my fingers off from googling symptoms but I just couldn't STOP! And I'm trying now!
I'm sorry if that was a terribly long read! But this paranoia hasn't left me for a week... it was a week ago tonight that I was bitten.. or should I say "pinched" and all the googling and phone calls and annoying my friends and family started. :wacko:
So hello everyone! I hope I fit in here!
I think I have suffered anxiety for as long as I can remember. As far back as being maybe 5 years old.. I heard a story of a guy having a seizure and swallowing his tongue. So I remember going around for a long time sticking out my tongue to make sure it was still there. I was too scared to tell an adult. When my teacher spoke to me about it and my parents I began covering my mouth to hide it! This is my earliest memory of paranoia.
So I am 23 years old now. I am pregnant with my first child. I have been under psychiatrist care for around 2 years and was on all sorts of medications for Bipolar and anxiety. Antidepressants either made me go way high or suicidally low, one made me lose my ability to enjoy sex! The best medication I found was Klonopin (clonazapam) And since becoming pregnant I had to ditch it. I was doing quite well for the first couple months... that is until...
dun dun dun
I was bit by a raccoon. Which complexly convinced my anxious ridden mind that I would get rabies. Now this sounds really stupid typing this and let me explain...
The raccoon is a pet of my sister's. Although the raccoon has not had vaccinations, it was bottle fed and raised by them and is about 7 months. It does go outside but does not go off the property. They live in a small town, in a house I grew up in. And my entire life living there I never encountered any other wildlife coming up on our property. So this raccoon has shown no signs of illness. But my crazy mind keeps saying... "yet" :scared15:
So here is the kicker. The raccoon bit me on the back of the calf, I was wearing sweat pants. The bite was not hard enough to tear the pants. The bite did NOT break my skin. It left a small bruise normal looking bruise. No bleeding, no scratch nothing! So I was immediately assured by everyone that the raccoon was only playing and has bitten others (and drawn blood) And no one has gotten rabies.
Well that didn't convince me and I really wanted to go to the ER. But I knew it would be a huge waste of about 6 hours with them telling me "your fine it didn't break the skin" So I decided to call the health department. The lady told me that "it didn't break the skin, your fine, it's unlikely it had rabies because the rabies population here is low for raccoons"
So for extra reassurance I talked to my dad a registered nurse of over 10 years. He told me I'm fine, my mom who's worked for vet clinics told me I'm fine. My OBGYN nurse told me, I'M FINE.
But during all this I started to "google" symptoms. Every website said the skin would have to be broken. But it listed the symptoms of beginning rabies... which I had none of... til I started to think about the symptoms! Which led me to checking my temperature often to be sure there was no fever. Then I started having some muscle pain in my legs (most likely pregnancy related or even anxiety) But ofcourse I was still paranoid.
I kept googling and googling and googling. And although I knew there wasn't a chance that I could get rabies I still am paranoid! I've tried to reason... telling myself.. theres no way it can enter your bloodstream. Then I got the "what if" "what if the punture was so small I didn't see it before" Which led to me constantly lifting up my leg, careening my calf muscle around to stare at hair... just hair under the surface from using a crappy razor. And now the bruise is almost gone and I can cleerly see that it's still only hair. No punture or scab. I knicked myself shaving and it bled and bled.. so I know a bite would have done a lot worse.
But I'm still dealing with the anxiety thats leading up to panic. Tonight I felt that I couldn't swallow and my throat was becomming sore. (One of the symptoms was pain so bad that would prevent swallowing at all) Which I had no pain and I swallowed fine. But from past panic attacks my throat gets tight and I feel that I have to clear it.
So I googled all the things that might make my throat scratchy... acid reflux, pregnancy post nasal drip... and finally....
I googled "anxiety googling symptoms" And I found this webpage! And I'm thankful because I nearly wanted to break my fingers off from googling symptoms but I just couldn't STOP! And I'm trying now!
I'm sorry if that was a terribly long read! But this paranoia hasn't left me for a week... it was a week ago tonight that I was bitten.. or should I say "pinched" and all the googling and phone calls and annoying my friends and family started. :wacko:
So hello everyone! I hope I fit in here!