SO anxious

[daisy222]

Apologies in advance for this long post and thanks for bearing with me! I am 50, happily married with adult children who we are proud of, so I've nothing to be worried about family-wise. I have always been an anxious person - my parents had extremely high expectations of me as a child and although I have been a teacher for 26 years, they felt I let them down. I enjoy teaching most of the time and don't care what my parents think, but they have given me a hard time over the years, which I have come to terms with.
I am frightened of just about everything - horses, dogs, flying, driving long distances, booking hotels, making formal arrangements - and it seems to be getting worse the older I get. What prompted me to get help today was something that happened an hour ago today: I was in a meeting with 6 other people who I know quite well, and when I was asked to speak I couldn't think straight, mumbled something and went completely red in the face with shame. I have had to be really strong with myself and force myself not to go and explain what I meant. I ALWAYS force myself to converse with people and then afterwards go over the whole conversation word for word to check that I didn't say anything stupid.
I was on valium at 16 due to exam stress, and have been on various anti-depressants over the years, but they didn't really help. I have read lots of self-help books and had CBT sessions - again, they havn't helped long term.
On the way to school this morning a little bird flew into the windscreen and gave me a huge fright - that started today's panic/anxiety and I'm sick of myself feeling like this. I don't want to go to the doctor as I know it's anxiety and I don't want to go ADs again.
I'm hoping that someone can suggest a herbal remedy that will work. I take a number of supplements - maybe I'm taking too many?
I take 2xSt.JW, VitxB complex, VitxD and have taken these for about 2 years. I also take 2x5HTP at night sometimes.
I think I have had a panic attack, I was driving and I thought I was going to burst out of my head/body. The feeling lasted about 10 mins. but I was very frightened for days after that it would happen again. It came on so suddenly - I thought that panic attacks were a climax to feeling stressed/annoyed/worked up. I hope someone can offer some suggestions. I have tried Bach Remedies and Kalms but I don't know if they worked or not

Thank you for reading this

Daisy xx

[PanicOver!!]

Hi Daisy

Sorry you are feeling low at the moment
Just a note about speaking an a meeting... i have been doing formal presentations for years in fron of upward of 100 people at a time... but is still sometimes get tongue ties in smaller groups especially people i know.. i was best man for my nephew and the speach was the last thing i was worried about until i stood up in front of people i know... If you dont mind me saying it seem your problems could stem from unsuportive parents i know i had and still have the same issues with my father (mum died 10 years ago) and although i dont think he bothers me anymore im sure deep down it has had an effect on how i believe others see me ...

i dont think you will find your answer in any meds herbal or otherwise but i really do hope you find it

best wishes x

[Maj]

Hi Daisy,

I can sympathise with you because I too have always been an anxious person. Also I tend to analyse conversations, etc. but I think this is all down to self-esteem. We shouldn't have to worry what we have just spoken about if we are confident in ourselves. The fact that you are a teacher implies to me that you are a clever, articulate and confident woman. So what if you get scared sometimes - everyone fears at least something! I think some people are just anxious people and you have to try and accept it and learn to live with it. All the medications and books in the world can't make our lives carefree. Try not to struggle with the fact you are anxious and this will bring less panic and worry. You are only human after all!! I would carry on taking the vitamins. Be proud of yourself as you've achieved so much. Don't beat yourself up about being anxious. It could even be hormonal at the moment for you. I'm the same age and feel a bit like that at times. I think you have to accept the way you are and stop struggling and be proud of yourself!
Myra

[daisy222]

Thank you Marc and Myra - it definitely is therapy reading what other posters say.Myra, I've thought about the raging hormones and I think that may be a factor. The weather is so miserable too and with the onset of short days, icy roads etc (I had 2 minor bumps in the car in 2008) I know I am feeling particularly down just now.

But to talk is helping already!

Daisy xx