yorkiegal
06-11-05, 07:39
Hi,
I stopped taking my citalopram (celexa) 2 months ago after being on them for a year. I was coping very well and hated the side effects. I'm on a waiting list and hope to go into full time therapy in january to finally get some help with my low self esteem and depression. I've had depressive episodes since i was 12, have tried various types of medication and psychotherapy and been hospitalized once. When i'm not depressed i hold down a full time job and kid everyone into thinking everything is fine, but my home life is a complete mess, hence the full time therapy.
So, thats the background. I'm still not depressed, i'm working, going out etc, but in the last few weeks i've started to get very anxious. On a couple of occasions i've had to come home early from a night out with colleagues because i've suddenly felt smothered and hemmed in by the people around me. I just have to get away from everyone. I've also started to feel very uncomfortable whenever anyone stands by my desk at work. My temper flares up at the slightest provocation and the smallest thing can make me feel panicked. For example my computer mouse is sticking and if i can't drag it across the screen i get overcome with panic and anger and feel like i'm going to cry. The feelings only last a couple of seconds but they are overwhelming. I'm also having very bad and complex dreams.
I've had panic attacks in the past and often feel anxious if people are looking at me but this anger is completely new and its scaring me. I don't want to go back on the anti depressants as they leave me feeling like a zombie and really mess with my memory (and my stomach lol).
I'm worried that i'm going to end up hurting someone. I've never been physically violent in my life but i keep getting images in my head when i'm talking to my friends, where i hit them. I daren't tell my doctor this because my employer is going to ask for access to my medical records in the next few weeks because i'll be signed off sick when the therapy starts. I'm 99% certain i could never hurt anyone but the thoughts are horrible. I don't know what to do.
I stopped taking my citalopram (celexa) 2 months ago after being on them for a year. I was coping very well and hated the side effects. I'm on a waiting list and hope to go into full time therapy in january to finally get some help with my low self esteem and depression. I've had depressive episodes since i was 12, have tried various types of medication and psychotherapy and been hospitalized once. When i'm not depressed i hold down a full time job and kid everyone into thinking everything is fine, but my home life is a complete mess, hence the full time therapy.
So, thats the background. I'm still not depressed, i'm working, going out etc, but in the last few weeks i've started to get very anxious. On a couple of occasions i've had to come home early from a night out with colleagues because i've suddenly felt smothered and hemmed in by the people around me. I just have to get away from everyone. I've also started to feel very uncomfortable whenever anyone stands by my desk at work. My temper flares up at the slightest provocation and the smallest thing can make me feel panicked. For example my computer mouse is sticking and if i can't drag it across the screen i get overcome with panic and anger and feel like i'm going to cry. The feelings only last a couple of seconds but they are overwhelming. I'm also having very bad and complex dreams.
I've had panic attacks in the past and often feel anxious if people are looking at me but this anger is completely new and its scaring me. I don't want to go back on the anti depressants as they leave me feeling like a zombie and really mess with my memory (and my stomach lol).
I'm worried that i'm going to end up hurting someone. I've never been physically violent in my life but i keep getting images in my head when i'm talking to my friends, where i hit them. I daren't tell my doctor this because my employer is going to ask for access to my medical records in the next few weeks because i'll be signed off sick when the therapy starts. I'm 99% certain i could never hurt anyone but the thoughts are horrible. I don't know what to do.