I wish i knew how it feels to be normal (sorry for the lost post)

[lindajane1971]

Hi,
My first post here :flowers: ive been reading posts on here for weeks and finally have summed up the courage to post.
Im Linda, soon to be 38, 2nd time married with 2 teenagers.
I really have no idea at all what type of anxiety i have, if indeed i do have any and im even more confused about how and where to get help now.

Ive always been a worrier as long as i can remember, i was brought up in a family who liked to keep their emotions inside and to be strong no matter the circumstances, ive only rarely spoken to anyone about my problems and its never really been to family members.
ive had a few traumatic times in my life just like everyone in the world, the break up of my first marriage which was me escaping from an alchoholic who gave me mental abuse, i managed eventually to leave with our kids. The second was the shock loss of my mother aged only 54, 18 months ago suddenly with a heart attack, during this awful time i had to be the strong one and get everything sorted out and it took a lot out of me mentally, as again most of my family dont show emotion in public so i didnt want to show any either, i didnt really get a chance to greive properly and have only recently started to get my head around it all.

Anyway back to my anxiety.........i have been getting random weird heart sensations for years......it feels like all the chambers in my heart are trying to beat at the same time, it only lasts a few seconds and is not painful but they are very strong and make me worried. I had them a couple of times and managed to ignore and not worry about them but after my mum died so young of a heart attack well you can imagine what i was thinking!!
I now get them a lot, i was so upset and worried that i managed to get the courage to see a doctor and i just broke down and told why i was worried. The doctor ordered a heart scan for me, and i was also wired up to a holter monitor for 24 hours, of course nothing happened during any of these procedures, i also had blood tests. All came back normal, blood fine, colestorol fine, not anemic, no diabetes etc etc. also asked to see my mums medical records incase there was anything there that could be hereditory, her records showed nothing.
Doctor has told me they are ectopic beats and i am fine. Well i dont feel fine at all. my last visit he prescribed me half inderal al tablets 80mg and told me to take one once a day which would stop the beats, and help with a bit of anxiety. once i read the leaflet and saw...........slows heart and other side effects the box remains unopened and im too scared to take them! I am meant to see him again this week as he thinks i have been taking them for two weeks but i havent so i dont know what to say when i go back.

My worst symptom which is really making me panicky is this stupid sensation i keep getting, i am sorry if i give strange explinations its just how it feels to me, i hope someone else can explain to me what this is as the doctors cant tell me anything usefull, or if anyone has the same thing i would be interested to talk to them please.
You know the feeling when your face blushes??? That quick "rush" sensation going over your skin??? I feel a sensation similar to that which is maybe slightly tingly too -wash over my upper body and head (not face) at random times, i could be watching tv perfectly relaxed and happy then whoosh!!! its very fast, just a second, i think maybe my vision blurs for that split second too. I also feel this sometimes when i am just dropping off to sleep, of course it then makes me wide awake and wondering what the hell it is for ages! It also feels a bit like that sensation you get when you go fast in a car over a hill on the road (that lurch in your stomach you feel) i get that sensation in my chest which rushes up to my head.
All this happens when im not stressed! it just happens out of the blue, i could be in the bath, at work, driving, watching tv- just random

i am so scared its unreal, i am conviced i have some disease that has been overlooked. A friend told me it was anxiety and panic attacks but im not anxious or panicky until these sensations happen, i dont hyperventilate or have a racing heart or shake/tremble etc i would say maybe the only other thing i feel often would be a bit lightheaded and a bit nauseous but thats basically it. Oh and sometimes if im in a crowded market place or where there is a lot of people i sometimes feel a bit dizzy.

i just sit and wonder if im normal or not, well im sure im not normal as not everyone i meet has these things happen on a daily basis, i know that it starting to depress me and i really want to sort it out at an early stage rather than later.

Can anyone help me please!?!? Does anyone think its some form of anxiety or are there any more tests i should insist my doctor does???

i am sorry for the long winded post, i dont even know if im in the right section of the forum or not, sorry

Linda L :blush:

[Gazman]

Hi Linda, welcome to the forum!

You'll get loads of great advice here.

In my opinion it sounds like anxiety, you don't have to feel anxious to get these symptoms, do a search on here for "dont feel anxious" and you will find many posts from people saying they don't feel anxious but have anxiety symptoms.

Everyone has emotional limits, and you worrying you have a rare disease, or any disease for that matter will only increase your physical symptoms.

My doctor has told me i have anxiety and i don't feel anxious either, but i think i have a disease too (MS) as i twitch all over and have a stiff / weird feeling hand.

As to your odd symptoms, if the doc doesn't know what it is i'm pretty sure he'll put it down to anxiety or somatization, which is basically the same thing, you have psychological stress or internal issues and these are expressed in physical symptoms in the body, well thats what mine said to me!

I hope you find the answers but tbh it does sound like it's all anxiety, and the best thing you can do is work out whats causing it and dealing with it and getting on with living a good life.

All the best - Gaz

[SDP]

Hi Linda:welcome:
I’m very sorry you are going through this but I am glad you found this place there is so much useful information on this site let alone some really great people who are always here to help.
You sound like a really strong person going through all the things you have and I have no doubt you will beat this just like you have the other challenges in the past. What I think you need to do is try and load yourself with as much information as you can regarding anxiety.
Do some research into the effects of anxiety on the body as you will find that all the symptoms you have described are consistent of an anxiety disorder most likely general anxiety disorder (GAD).
General anxiety disorder is one of the most common type of anxiety disorder and usually presents itself after Trauma and stressful events, such as abuse, the death of a loved one, divorce, changing jobs or schools.
I recommend you ask you doctor about CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) I think this could really be beneficial to you as like me you do not like to take medication (My medicine cabinets like Pablo Escobar’s sock draw).
CBT teaches you to challenge the negative thoughts & eventually start exposing you slowly to situations that make you feel anxious.
When I feel anxious I do things like watch a funny movie or go for a walk I can’t stress how much exercise has helped me it is as close to a cure as you can get.
I hope this helps & please let me know how you get on x:)

[shuze]

Hi Linda, can I "second" what SDP says about exercise - I was very sceptical when someone advised this to help with similar sounding symptoms (I mean panic attacks without the preceding anxiety), but out of everything I have tried, excercise has helped me more than anything. My theory is that, apart from the physical sense of well being & achievement it gives you, it also "connects" you back with the world. It's kind of hard to explain. Often the trigger for my panics was tiredness, leading to that horrible light-headedness, and a sudden, growing disconnection with my immediate surroundings. The more I exercised (I recommend fresh air, but I know it doesn't suit everyone) the less I got the attacks, and when they do come now, I feel that my body & mind are stronger and better able to cope.

I wish you the very best however you decide to tackle this anyway.

[lindajane1971]

thank you so much for the replys :)

our bodies are so complex arnt they!?
One of my main problems with accepting i have anxiety and not a bad disease is that the symptoms are so "physical" especially these upper body sensations i have all the time, and the randomness of them! they mostly happen when im in a happy situation, it really is driving me crazy.....this CBT therapy is that in the UK??? is it ok to ask for that sort of thing or is it usually the doctor who decides if you need it or not??
Linda

[Gazman]

CBT is here in the uk yes, if u feel you can't deal with the symptoms the doc will put you foward for cbt, it depends on your doc tho tbh, mine wanted to make me wait months to see if my symptoms went away and now i've got to go see him next week to be put foward for cbt.

[Bill]

You're perfectly normal and I'm sure that everything you're feeling is anxiety related.

You're a natural worrier and as you say, you've been getting heart sensations for years which is all caused by adrenalin. You've also been through some traumatic experiences including the worst of all losing your mother which must have been a terrible shock. This shock and the manner in which you lost her frightened you so much that it caused you to associate what happened to her with your own symptoms which are entirely different.

One of the worst things we can do is bottle feelings because if we don't release them by talking about them, they fester, cause tension and anxiety. We never come to terms with these feelings and never learn how to move forward.

The first symptom you describe...

it feels like all the chambers in my heart are trying to beat at the same time

These are palpitations caused by adrenalin. When we worry, we become anxious which then triggers the reaction in our body to prepare us to "fight or take flight" by producing adrenalin. However, often we find ourselves in situations that stress us where we can do neither so the adrenalin doesn't get used. It sits in the body until we relax but while it's rushing around our insides, it creates the feeling of our heart pounding but it's really just adrenalin and the symptoms soon stop once we relax.

I don't know the exact biological cause of this next symptom...

You know the feeling when your face blushes??? That quick "rush" sensation going over your skin??? I feel a sensation similar to that which is maybe slightly tingly too -wash over my upper body and head (not face) at random times,

But it's Very common with anxiety and I'm sure it's connected with adrenalin, perhaps by raising blood pressure. Often what happens is we can "subconsciously" be aware of a thought, our situation or something we've heard or seen that triggers the adrenalin rush but often we're not actually aware of what the thought is. For instance, if you saw a lion, you'd immediately become anxious without actually "thinking" of being afraid of being eaten! It's a subconscious reaction to what we've seen. In a way, a learnt response which surfaces due to a trigger due to bad experiences.

sometimes if im in a crowded market place or where there is a lot of people i sometimes feel a bit dizzy.

When we suffer from anxiety, we feel constantly tense which creates the adrenalin which keeps us in constant preparation to fight or run so a crowded situation will always make us feel trapped and therefore stressed but we can't escape so induces panicky feelings.

I can’t stress how much exercise has helped me it is as close to a cure as you can get.

One other point as SDP says above, exercise helps us to burn off adrenalin because it simulates the act of "running" from that lion! That way we feel more relaxed. It also helps us by stopping us thinking about anxious symptoms.

Remember it's our thinking that creates the symptoms so the more you think about them, the more ill you'll feel so try not to sit and think, and instead do things that you enjoy that will keep your mind busy.

Hope that helps to reassure you.:hugs:

[lindajane1971]

Thanks for all the fantastic advice & informationv:hugs:

i was back at the doctors tonight for a follow up appointment about the the tablets he prescribed that i didnt take!! He was happy that i decided not to take them for now and reccomended that kalms tablets as they are herbal and have no side effects so i got a bottle and have taken my first two, if these even give me 1% less anxiety it will be worth it.
I breifly asked about therapy and he said i should try the kalms first and see how i get on.
fingers crossed!!

Linda

[suziavah]

All i can say ....is im thinking of you ....and i know how hard it is and very very confusing ....stay strong :)

xx

[PoppyC]

Hi Linda
Before your gp puts it down to anxiety and depression, have you been checked to see if it could be anything hormonal?
I knew of someone, who had a similar thing and she was checked and it turned out to be she was heading for the menopause and had low oestrogen levels and she was only in her late 30's.
I hope you feel better soon.

[lindajane1971]

HELLO POPPY,

i am not sure if my hormones were checked, i had blood taken and the only things the doc mentiond were organ functions, blood count, cholesterol, thyroid, anemia levels.......... i cant remember any other things he said but there was a fair list on his screen.

[Bill]

What I'm about to say might sound controversial but sometimes I think we can get trapped into playing a dangerous game by allowing our anxiety to side-track us from the real causes which often are right under our nose but our anxiety prevents us from seeing them.

Of course when we go to a doctor and complain about symptoms, the gp feels they have to investigate to rule out all physical conditions but the danger is that we then focus on thoughts of what physical condition it could be that's causing us to be "ill".

When we start worrying about what the cause "could" be, we make ourselves more anxious which then causes the symptoms to continue because we end up constantly worrying about why we feel so "ill".

That's not to say that there "could" be a physical cause but if the doctor's tests show nothing then I feel it's better to look at the other more likely causes.

Anxiety can be very devious because it knows that if it makes us feel ill then it can make us start believing we really are ill but if you look through it's disguise, you can normally find the real causes which no medication can treat.

So often anxiety will create symptoms that make us believe we're ill and it knows that if it can scare us through these symptoms, we'll keep feeding it by continually worrying what's wrong with us.

The best way to kill anxiety is by starving it by telling it that it can't frighten us "Then" see if the symptoms such as palpitations and panics continue. If they stop, you'll know it was just anxiety but if they don't, that's when I'd worry...but only then.

Just something to be aware of.:hugs: