Ruby94
29-10-09, 18:09
As much as i love him, i think my fiancé is making me worse. I know its a horrible thing to say but ive just posted a reply on someones thread about this situation and it made me think so i thought i'd write this to explain and then maybe you could tell me what you think..
Okay So, ive known him for a while now and we're engaged, When i first met him i was outgoing and funny and wild, panic attacks were 2% effective and anxiety was about 5%. Wasnt taking antidepressents yet. So when we started going out, i was still fine then things slowly crept downhill and i would get nightmares, panicattacks, weird feelings throuout my body. This led me to believe it was the relationship doing this to me. He met this girl who was amazing now we just argue all the time, i hate it when he smothers me psychically like lays on me and kisses me when im busy it makes me feel hot and bothered and i cant breathe it feels hes taken up all my engery. - Also -
We dont ever go out ( maybe because i panic when i do ) but we're always on our laptops when we wake up at 5pm and then we're off them and 7am and go to sleep. This is making me even worse because i feel like i HAVE TO treat my body like a temple otherwise it will not work properly and i'll feel ill all the time, and he doesnt understand that if i wake at half 5 in the afternoon i wont be able to sleep again straight away basically .. ( i cant get to sleep like he can ) which annoys me and he doenst understand how ill it makes me. He can easily just go to sleep or wake up whenever he pleases this angers me because hes never ill and he can handle not getting much sleep or not doing anything all day. Heres an example of how we've spent the last week.
Monday
Both woke up in the morning, had quite a good day i ate at the right times so did he, then we went to stay at his dads place. (which is my partners 'shed' in the garden but its okay because its 'insulated throughout' he doesnt understand staying here makes me ill.
Tuesday
Still at his dads, havnt showered need a shower. Havnt ate and im shaking and feeling faint because i havnt, he is absoloutley fine! Oh yeah went to bed at 7am because he was playing on 'WoW' World of warcraft. This addictive game nerds play. (no offence it just drives me up the wall)
Wednesday
The same thing happened, he made me a pot noodle tho, hes fine and i feel like sh*t so run down and no energy woke up at half 5 in the afternoon, he was already up and playing on 'WoW' World of warcraft'
Thursday
Today, Guess what? Same damn thing almost a whole week, he looks and feels fine and i look like a tramp, i smell im hungry and i feel ill and cold. Oh yes and hes on 'WoW' World of warcraft. As we speak. Oh and i got up at 5:30 again.
I want to go home, but if i say that we're argue and i dont have the energy in me, he'll just run me into the ground untill i give it up. Im tired and im about to have a panic attack i can feel it already. I look a mess i feel a mess. I want my mum, my shower, my real food and my bed.
Does anyone think we're meant to be because i dont know what to do anymore. :( Ive tried everything, like going on a break, then breaking up, and talking about it. Nothing seems to work.
Is it him whos doing this to me? Or am i just kidding myself..
Because ive really had enough and i dont know what im going
to do next..
Ruby x
Okay So, ive known him for a while now and we're engaged, When i first met him i was outgoing and funny and wild, panic attacks were 2% effective and anxiety was about 5%. Wasnt taking antidepressents yet. So when we started going out, i was still fine then things slowly crept downhill and i would get nightmares, panicattacks, weird feelings throuout my body. This led me to believe it was the relationship doing this to me. He met this girl who was amazing now we just argue all the time, i hate it when he smothers me psychically like lays on me and kisses me when im busy it makes me feel hot and bothered and i cant breathe it feels hes taken up all my engery. - Also -
We dont ever go out ( maybe because i panic when i do ) but we're always on our laptops when we wake up at 5pm and then we're off them and 7am and go to sleep. This is making me even worse because i feel like i HAVE TO treat my body like a temple otherwise it will not work properly and i'll feel ill all the time, and he doesnt understand that if i wake at half 5 in the afternoon i wont be able to sleep again straight away basically .. ( i cant get to sleep like he can ) which annoys me and he doenst understand how ill it makes me. He can easily just go to sleep or wake up whenever he pleases this angers me because hes never ill and he can handle not getting much sleep or not doing anything all day. Heres an example of how we've spent the last week.
Monday
Both woke up in the morning, had quite a good day i ate at the right times so did he, then we went to stay at his dads place. (which is my partners 'shed' in the garden but its okay because its 'insulated throughout' he doesnt understand staying here makes me ill.
Tuesday
Still at his dads, havnt showered need a shower. Havnt ate and im shaking and feeling faint because i havnt, he is absoloutley fine! Oh yeah went to bed at 7am because he was playing on 'WoW' World of warcraft. This addictive game nerds play. (no offence it just drives me up the wall)
Wednesday
The same thing happened, he made me a pot noodle tho, hes fine and i feel like sh*t so run down and no energy woke up at half 5 in the afternoon, he was already up and playing on 'WoW' World of warcraft'
Thursday
Today, Guess what? Same damn thing almost a whole week, he looks and feels fine and i look like a tramp, i smell im hungry and i feel ill and cold. Oh yes and hes on 'WoW' World of warcraft. As we speak. Oh and i got up at 5:30 again.
I want to go home, but if i say that we're argue and i dont have the energy in me, he'll just run me into the ground untill i give it up. Im tired and im about to have a panic attack i can feel it already. I look a mess i feel a mess. I want my mum, my shower, my real food and my bed.
Does anyone think we're meant to be because i dont know what to do anymore. :( Ive tried everything, like going on a break, then breaking up, and talking about it. Nothing seems to work.
Is it him whos doing this to me? Or am i just kidding myself..
Because ive really had enough and i dont know what im going
to do next..
Ruby x