Hopeful23
31-10-09, 01:25
Yesterday was my first time on here. I wrote a post and had a few responses(which I GREATLY appreciate). Today was an ok day........didn't have to work so I think thats when i'm normally the most calm, when i'm just at home. I can leave my house just fine, my anxiety though gets the best of me when I have to be a passenger in a vehicle and when I know that I have to go around people I know. I don't believe I have social phobia because I have no fear of going into very crowded places, my fear is more of going around people I know, like to someones house or out to dinner. That makes me VERY anxious and i feel like I'm holding myself back in life. I guess I get more anxious at these times because I'm afraid that if i'm with people I know and I need to leave very quickly I either won't be able too, or if I do they will all look at me like I'm crazy. When I'm just in a crowded area, I know that If I leave noone would even notice. I hope that all makes sense. I have to work tom. which is ok with me to a point. For the first time in a few months I can look forward to going to work. I do in home health care(cna) so I have been to my patients house many times, so I feel very comfortable there unless their family starts showing up, then I feel a little uncomfortable. If I go to a new patients home that I have never worked with I feel very very anxious all the way until I get there and can calm myself down in the situation. I always wounder though am I ever going to have my life back? I need my life back so bad I can't stand it. I use to work 2 full time jobs, 80 hrs a week no sleep, lived on my own(before me and my boyfriend moved in together) I was very independant, i just don't know what happened to make me this way. I do have other health problems which started when I was about 15. I have an illness called gastroparesis(if anyone know what that is). Back to my point. I just want that life back. I have an amazing supportive boyfriend who works VERY hard. I feel like i'm not doing my part in the relationship when it comes to money which makes me feel very ashamed of myself. I want to give us the life, that he is working so hard to give us. I want to be that happy, bubbly, outgoing woman again! I just don't know how. Success stories are always a HUGE help! I just like to hear that people have concured this! Thanks so much for reading!